Rocka Leta – from Mexico

(M.Giant scored me some delicious candy from a friend who lives in Mexico. I’m going to review a bunch of the stuff he gave me. This is only one of a handful I swiped from the foreign-language-candy-box.)

For those that don’t know, Mexico passes a lot of things off as candy. They will dip a plastic spoon they found on the road into some chocolate, let it harden, and they’ll sell it as candy. Just like the Chaca Chaca, this doesn’t inspire high hopes for this thing.
I had no idea what a Rocka Leta was, so I translated the words on the front of the package using Babelfish – this site comes in handy for translating all kinds of foreign candy inscriptions. There is a photo of a red ball wearing sun glasses and his hair appears to be on fire. Despite my lack of knowledge of international iconographic representations, this indicates to me that this thing is hot. Whatever this “thing” is. The other picture on the package looks like a thermometer is stuck inside a Gobstopper, so I assumed that’s what I was going to get. Then, I pulled up the translation for “paleta con goma de mascar” on Babelfish. It told me it was “trowel with rubber to chew”. Really? Trowel? Rubber? This was going to be interesting.

I unwrapped whatever this thing was and it squirted red goo onto my hand. And, of course, that red goo smelled like tamarind. Ugggh. Awful. I HATE tamarind. The Rocka looked like a green gumball of sorts with a thick layer of tamarind goo on the outside. This experiment wasn’t going to be easy. I gave it a lick and almost gagged – the tamarind was sooo overpowering. I figured there’s only one way to figure this thing out – BITE it. Expecting the worst (broken teeth, acid, an eyeball, etc.), I bit the thing really hard. Of course I got a boat load of tamarind flavor in my mouth, but also some tingle. There was definitely something spicy in there.

Texturally, the thing bit in half like a cross between a soft jawbreaker and a stale gumball. It’s a multi-layered deal with each level progressively grosser than the previous one. I’m still not sure what exactly was spicy, but I didn’t keep this nasty thing in my mouth long enough to figure it out. The tamarind was killing me.

This is one of the worst lollipops in the history of mankind. Again, Mexican parents should be brought up on charges for giving their children toxic ass-flavored goo on a stick and telling them it is candy. That’s just cruel.

I’m done with this Mexican and Brazilian candy experiment. I give up. I will call it a loss in the record book, just make it stop. I’m going to find a Butterfinger ASAP. I’m also going to napkin off my tongue to get this tamarind taste out.