Icosium Kafe – Chicago, IL

We tried to go to one of my favorite Chicago breakfast places (Orange) this Sunday morning, but when we showed up, there was a huge crowd of people waiting to get in. Our group was not convinced that this meant it was the best breakfast place ever. Callous-un had lived in the area years back and remembered going to this awesome crepe place a couple times a week and thought we should see if it was still open. Thankfully it was.

We found the Icosium Kafe a block from Orange. Icosium is an Algerian crepery (as opposed to a French crepery) and serves breakfast, lunch, and dinner. The inside has a middle eastern/north African feel to the decoration (that’s where Algeria is, you knobs), and the menu reflects that to some extent. We took a glance at the menu and everyone was impressed with the variety of choices available. We thought this would be a winner.

Icosium has a ton of different kinds of crepes available – breakfast, sweet, lunch-ish, or full dinner crepes. I was torn between a number of crepes, as was everyone else. We all got a variety of crepes: Trash got the Crepe Salem – Pineapple, honey, and walnuts. CorpseKitten got the Crepe Labella – Banana, Belgian chocolate, toasted almonds, and coconut.
And I can’t remember what Callous-un got, but her’s was tasty (I DO remember that). I finally decided on the Chicago Crepe – which I’m slightly embarrassed about since I generally try to un-Americanize my food when at ethnic-skewed restaurants. I’m sooo glad I did though.

My order comes with a bowl of soup. I had the choice between vegetable soup or chicken soup. I went with the chicken, not knowing what I’d get. It wasn’t chicken noodle, it was straight chicken in a chicken broth. And don’t let that description fool you – it was delicious. Small pieces of chicken in a seasoned broth with some vegetables in it – what’s not to like with this thing? The soup came with these small pita piece things that were awesome when put in the soup like croutons/dumplings. Awesome soup, truly.

My crepe was amazing and one of the best I’ve had.

It had Muenster cheese, avocadoes, sun dried tomatoes tapenade, fresh cilantro, bell peppers, scallions, organic greens, and sun flower seeds. And just because it sounded right, I ordered Merguaz inside (Algerian lamb sausage) – and it was oh so right. Each bits had sausage in it, so there was plenty inside. It was very seasoned without being spicy and complimented the rest of the ingredients very well. The avocado was tasty and not hidden, and the sun dried tomatoes were perfect in this crepe. I couldn’t have been happier with this choice (seriously, I didn’t even reconsider ordering bacon in this thing – like I usually do). It was perfect. I kept raving about it and the only one in my group that could share the raving was CorpseKitten since she’s not a vegetarian. She concurred – delicious.

I was happy to see they had Orangina here, as well. It’s always been a favorite of mine since the first time I went to France, and the fact that I could drink it while chowing on a crepe (even an Algerian crepe) brought a smile to my face and a whole bunch of hilarious memories from Paris (including watching a high speed chase complete with guns in front of us while eating crepes – frighteningly delicious). Trash raved about this place enough to commit to coming back to Chicago in two more weeks just to eat here again.

Just go here.

Top 5 things about Icosium Kafe
1. Chicago Crepe
2. Merguaz (Algerian lamb sausage)
3. Chicken Soup
4. Orangina is the best thing to drink with crepes
5. Crepe Salem

Bottom 5 things
1. So many things to order on the menu
2. The restroom is through the kitchen (I’m assuming it’s frowned upon for public use)
3. Trash changed her mind 10 times on her order. Once the food came out, hers was the least good – still amazing, but hers wasn’t as amazing as all of ours were – sucks for Trash
4. Everyone’s crepe came with fluffy whipped crème except mine (yes, it wouldn’t have gone with the savory stuff, but still, I felt left out)
5. How many carrots must die to get fresh squeezed carrot juice?!?!?!

www.icosiumkafe.com

Ben’s Thai Food – Chicago, IL

Callous-un ordered in some Thai food for us, since it was clear we weren’t going anywhere after we all felt how comfortable her couch was after a hard day of kickball and drinking. She called Ben’s and had it delivered.

I ordered fresh spring rolls, since that’s sort of a barometer for most Thai/Vietnamese places I eat at. I also got spicy chicken with noodles since it sounded right. The food came much faster than I expected, so we were only just beginning Trekkies when the food showed up.

The spring rolls didn’t look all that appealing to be honest. The rice paper wrap was a little floppy and had a weird texture. The flavor wasn’t much better, either. It was pretty bland (again the wrap had an odd flavor – Belcher would call it a “wang”, which always cracks me up) and the sauce – after I dumped it all over myself – was blah also. It sounds like I’m complaining a great deal, but I sure managed to eat all of them before anyone could ask to try one. Haha.

The chicken dish that I ordered was a little bit better. Not great, by any stretch, but was certainly palatable. The spice level was pretty right on – solid spice with sweating, but not crying: perfect. Good ratio of noodles to vegetables, but aside from spiciness, the chicken flavor just wasn’t very prevalent. Not sure how you can fix something like this, but it seemed to be pretty lacking in a lot of flavors.

All in all, it was edible, but I wouldn’t give Ben’s very high marks. And I say this not knowing the name of the place was actually Ben’s (until writing this review) and not something more Asian-sounding. I’d probably find another Thai place to eat at next time, but it might be the only Thai place that delivers around Callous-un – I just don’t know.

No top 5 for this place.

Bad Apple - Chicago, IL

We met Baconator at the Bad Apple after kickball for some drinks. Apparently, this is a favorite hangout of his, since they have a fantastic beer selection. We scanned the menu, though none of us really were hungry (which is unfortunate, since Baconator was waiting for an hour for us to show up so he could eat lunch). So we just ordered a bunch of drinks. This was the first time Trash and CorpseKitten had met Baconator, and they MAY have been warned by a certain vegetarian that they MAY not care for his particular sense of humor. Everyone was civil, but CorpseKitten warned him they may have formed opinions about him based on the considerable smack-talk Callous-un had unleashed the previous 24 hours. I already thought Baconator was brilliant, so I didn’t need convincing, but apparently the girls had to be worn down. Plus he was wearing an AWESOME Milli Vanilli shirt – how can you hate a guy that’s wearing THAT?

I ended up with a J.K.’s Solstice Cider, which is hard cider with cinnamon, maple, and vanilla. Sounds good, but ended up being too much weirdness in one bottle. I should have gone with the J.K.’s Scrumpy Cider instead. The bottle is 24 oz, which was also why it cost $16 – yikes. Baconator ordered food even though none of us did, as well as a drink or two. Which only we will find funny because after about an hour of drinking, the rest of us got hungry and decided to order food. Baconator was less than pleased.

I ordered a burger with black bean and corn salsa and avocado spread. It was one of the specials they had for the day, and it sounded awesome. I also ordered a round of shots of PB&J – a drink TheDoctor turned me on to a couple months back. It’s Frangelico and Chambord – and it tastes JUST like a peanut butter and jelly sammich. It’s more weird than delicious, but I’ve never been a big fan of those kind of sammiches, so I have a feeling that’s my only weirdness with the shot version of it.
Baconator didn’t want to be left out, so he ordered again – this time he went with an appetizer of some sort that looked delicious.

While we waited, we mocked Callous-un’s new Google phone. Apparently, it only works if it is in direct sight line of the satellite in orbit. So anytime she wanted to use her phone, she’d have to hold it up against the window, or go outside into the street and hold it up. Baconator gave her all kinds of hell about it, until CorpseKitten pulled her work phone out. And then pulled the antenna out. Baconator pounced – “What year are we in that you just pulled out an antenna on your cell phone?!” It started a barrage of questioning and mocking that ended poorly. Especially when Baconator suggested Callous-un get an antenna for her Google phone so she wouldn’t have to keep lifting it up to the heavens and hoping a satellite saw her. Classic.

The food came out and thankfully, mine looked delicious. I was really happy with this burger.


It was very juicy without being greasy, and the black bean and corn salsa was a welcome addition to the whole ensemble. I might have to try this at home. The avocado was nice, but probably not necessary, in all actuality. It was the right size for a restaurant burger – just bigger than fast food, but not ridiculous-sized. The fries were also good – again, I’m not a fry-guy, so I could always do without them, but I did end up eating all of them off my plate – so they must have been one step better than decent, at the very least.

One of the best parts of the meal was CorpseKitten continuously putting pieces of bacon on my plate. The best part about that is I have no idea what she actually ordered. But bacon kept materializing on my plate, so I’m assuming whatever she ordered came with a half a pig. Seriously, it was continuous (and awesome).

We finished up at the Bad Apple and all headed over to Glunz Bavarian Haus for this fig vodka that Callous-un had raved about.

The guy working the bar was hilarious and we probably should have tipped him more. He gave us an appropriately hard time during our ordering, especially when I ordered a diesel beer – dark beer with Coke in it. That’s the only way I can stomach beer, and I learned about it in Germany – that’s how you get the kids hooked. Weihenstephaner Hefeweisenbier Dunkel with a hit of Coke in it will satisfy my hankerin’ for German beer anytime (or three). Tasty stuff.


The guy then brought the Fig Vodka out on a big paddle for us and we put a couple more shots back – well SOME people sipped them and then slid them over to me.

They were really good. If you run across Fig flavored vodka anywhere, check it out. It’s very sweet and tasty. Well played, Callous-un. Actually, one of the last times Callous-un and I hung out, we ended up doing shots of Vodka at a Russian restaurant. I think she’s a bad influence on me. We stayed for another beer or two and then to maintain the integrity of our task-master’s schedule, we headed back to Callous-un’s place for dinner and a movie.

Top 5 things about the Bad Apple
1. Burger with black bean and corn salsa
2. Had an amazing drink/beer list
3. Baconator’s Milli Vanilli shirt
4. All of these people drinking shots of viscous purple liquid without question
5. Random pub crawl brought in some stellar tail (was that d-baggy enough?)

Bottom 5 things
1. Random pub crawl upped the d-bag level of this bar considerably (aside from my comments)
2. Super bright sunlight streaming into my eyes from my side of the table
3. Sounded like they were out of Baconator’s favorite beer (which is generally not a good thing)
4. I had to drink far more than my fair share of the shots of PB&J and also the Fig Vodka – oh wait, that’s not a bad thing…
5. The cost of my beer was $16. Seriously

www.badapplebar.com
www.glunzbavarianhaus.com

Kickball and Bags Fun – Chicago, IL

Callous-un has some friends who’ve decided they’d like to do a kickball league during the cold season (both temperature and ailment). When Trash, CorpseKitten, and I made plans to come down, Callous-un told the kickball people she was bringing in ringers from out of state for her team. We were late getting to the park because of our awesome breakfast, but we were still one of the first ones there. When we arrived, one of Callous-un’s coworkers had brought all kinds of fun outdoor park games. She had Bags (which some people know as “Cornhole”), a kickball and bases, a soccer ball, and some a Frisbee. This was going to be awesome.

Since we were early, we thought we’d get warmed up with some Bags. Trash and CorpseKitten had never played before, so we had to get them caught up on the rules. The game was even more difficult since we forgot our alcoholic beverages (used for counterbalance in Bags) at Callous-un’s condo.

CorpseKitten and I pulled off an incredible 17-point comeback against Trash and Callous-un during the first round. During the game, some other stragglers started to arrive, so we switched to kickball.

Kickball has made a huge comeback in recent years and most people played it when they were a kid. Most have fond memories of it until you actually have the reality of kickball as a 30-something year old staring you in the face. Then you recall there’s lots of running and the possibility of being pegged with a big round ball while doing the aforementioned running. Then people start to bail on you.

We didn’t have enough people to do an actual team battle in kickball, so we played one-team kickball, which ends up being hilarious. Everyone plays the outfield unless you’re kicking or running the bases. With 6 people, you could have one kicker and 5 outfielders. Or you could have bases loaded and an outfielder and a pitcher who runs somewhere after rolling the ball. It got hilarious. Probably some of the most fun while playing kickball I’ve had in a while. There was tons of laughing at each other, as it should be.At one point, I made the comment that this was like Special Olympics since we were all n the same team and all winners. That might have offended some people…

Much of the laughing came at the expense of CorpseKitten, who is getting over some flu-like symptoms and doesn’t have full lung capacity. So someone got her a camp chair and she sat on third base. Literally, ON third base. If a ball came in her direction, she would jump up and try to grab it – usually ineffectively, which was even more funny. And at one point, Trash kicked the ball straight at her and screamed, “WEAKEST LINK!!!” bringing tears to my eyes.

We finished up with another round or two of bags while Callous-un and I played some catch with the Frisbee. This amounted to seeing how far Chao is willing to run after hilariously errant throws from Callous-un. We did this for an hour or so until we were back on Callous-un’s rigid schedule of events for the day. We did have to meet Baconator at the bar for drinks, after all.

Did I mention how bad my thighs hurt from all the running….?

Big Jones – Chicago, IL

Callous-un said we needed to go try this southern Dixie-land style breakfast place called Big Jones (which Trash kept referring to as Mother Jones). We were all game since Southern and/or Dixie-land always means Popeyes Chicken in my head. It wasn’t Popeyes, but it was still good. In fact, this place is way more upscale than any of us realized and we might have been a tad underdressed (as I was wearing a black band t-shirt and jeans).

We all ended up arguing over who was going to get what since we all wanted the same thing – Cheddar Corn Cakes. I caved, since I needed some meat, but Trash and CorpseKitten decided they were going to get their own Corn Cakes. Callous-un got the French toast and I went with the Eggs Romero – poached Amish eggs, organic hominy cheese grits, and Carolina-style pulled pork. See, I TOLD you it was classy. They even brought out these little fried dough balls with powdered sugar on them – everyone seemed to know what they were since they’re all fancier than I am, but whatever, they were good.

The food came out pretty quickly, though it wasn’t terribly busy in the restaurant. The food looked beautiful. See, Popeyes isn’t going to arrange stuff all pretty on your plate with whipped cream puffs and stuff, are they? Mine was surrounded with what looked like a pool of orange glaze (which ended up being a surrounding pool of pork grease (I don’t mean that in a bad way, truly, I don’t’). The pork was hidden in a nice mound under the poached eggs. And the whole thing was delicious. Seriously, this is one of the fancier breakfasts I’ve had and it will probably remain in the top 5 for a long time. It was steeped in really good fancy flavor.

I had some of the Cheddar Corn Cakes and they were decent, but I’m glad I got what I did. I also tried a bite of the French Toast and it was soooo freakin dense I couldn’t believe it. It was thicker than Amish Friendship Bread and was difficult to get through more than two or three bites without exploding. I’m impressed with what you did manage to eat, Callous-un.

We were all ready to die after eating so much, but we had things to do (like play kickball), so we got out of there and headed to the park to play for the afternoon. If you get a chance, go here for breakfast. It’s not as Dixie-land as you might think (in fact, not at all), but it does have a fancy southern quality to it that you won’t be disappointed with, I assure you.

Top 5 things about Big Jones
1. Eggs Romero
2. Cheddar Corn Cakes
3. Dough balls with powdered sugar
4. Ultra-Thick French Toast
5. Everything looked good on the menu

Bottom 5 things
1. I can’t remember a single bad thing, aside from sooo many awesome looking choices on the menu it was difficult to decide
2.
3.
4.
5.

www.bigjoneschicago.com

Spacca Napoli – Chicago, IL

Trash, CorpseKitten, and I were in Chicago visiting Callous-un for the weekend and Callous-un had been giving me crap about the Chicago-style pizza that I’d eaten. Apparently, it wasn’t authentic pizza and I had not been treated to the best the city had to offer. So she recommended a place for us that she heard was really good. As it turns out, it is authentic Neapolitan pizza, not authentic Chicago pizza.

I had told some friends where I’d be that evening in hopes some of them would show up and hang out. When we got to the restaurant, I completely missed Kanoo and BestGirlfriendEver standing against the building looking nonchalant. It took me a couple minutes to notice them standing there, but I was sooooo glad to see them. It’s been way too long since I had seen either of them. While waiting, they both gave me a hell of a time because I commented that I didn’t like pistachios. They said, “You know those things are in a shell, right? You took the tasty nut out of the shell, right. You gotta get that tasty nut inside.” Hilarious (and jerks) – I love these guys to death.

While we waited outside, one of the staff members brought out bread samples and also cheese samples to keep us occupied. We only got the cheese, as Trash wasn’t pushy enough about getting in front of rival groups. She tried to look starved and forlorn and just looked retarded. We think she creeped out the worker, to be honest. Once the line dwindled down and the people realized we had been in line for an hour, they brought us some prosecco, on the house. It was decent and a good “get in the mood drink” for us before we sat down.

The wait staff was very friendly, so we had no issues with food and drink orders. The menu is medium-sized. Plenty of different foods, but not a ton, which is usually easier to decide on things. I got the Salsiccia Pizza – Tomatoes, mozzarella, basil, Italian sausage, and olive oil. BestGirlfriendEver got the Bufalina Pizza – tomatoes, basil, buffalo mozzarella, and olive oil. Trash got the Quattro Formaggi Pizza – mozzarella, gorgonzola, emmenthal, fontina. Lisa got the Margherita Pizza – tomatoes, mozzarella, basil, olive oil. And I can’t remember what Kanoo or Callous-un ended up with. They brought out our food 30 seconds later. (Actually, they brought out someone else’s food and put it on our table, which was hilarious when our waiter showed up with drinks and started cracking up – they took the food away back to its rightful owners.)

My pizza looked delicious, and very Italian-like (it’s thin crust and more or less for one person). I’ve been to Italy a couple of times and yes, the pizza does look a little bit like this. I was a little surprised at the lack of flavor in it the pizza part. The sausage was delicious and I was thrilled with that part, but it simply didn’t taste like there was cheese on it, despite the cheesy appearance. BestGirlfriendEver also though there was an odd lack of flavor, so she salted and peppered the hell out of hers and it made it better. I guess I should have done that. My pizza was good, but not stellar. We all ended up trading each other pieces to see which one we liked the most.

Trash’s pizza won the competition, but wasn’t what she thought she was ordering. No one heard the waiter say there was prosciutto on hers, and being a vegetarian, she has a problem with “dead” on her pizza. She ended up swapping CorpseKitten for her Margherita pizza, but I think CorpseKitten got the better end of the deal. Trash wasn’t thrilled with the Margherita, however, everyone who tried the bacon-y pizza was very impressed. All of the pizzas were just ok. Good, but nothing stellar. Apparently, I’m STILL on the search for quality Chicago-style pizza. I’ll find it. I know it’s out there.

On the way out, they give you a dessert cannoli (whipped ricotta cheese deep fried in a shell and with nuts on the exposed parts. Guess what – they were pistachios on the outside – hilarious. I ate half of mine and gave the rest to someone else (that I knew – not a random stranger). It was fine, but it doesn’t even compare to the one’s MO had me eat in Sicily. Seriously, they aren’t even in the same ballpark.

We left there and said goodbye to Kanoo and BestGirlfriendEver, and headed to The Grafton – a little Irish bar in Lincoln Square. It was loud (probably average for a bar on a Friday night), but not a bad atmosphere. They had a hefty beer list with some ciders, bit I went with the Capn n Diet route for the night. We discussed heading to a German bar afterwards, but with CorpseKitten being on Eastern time, her bedtime is about 4pm Central, so we headed home (kidding, we were all tired and yawning, but we like to blame CorpseKitten for stuff).

Top 5 things about Spacca Napoli
1. It’s a fun restaurant environment with an open kitchen, fun staff, and good lighting
2. Free cannoli after dinner
3. Prosciutto Pizza
4. Friendly staff
5. Got to hang with Kanoo and BestGirlfriendEver – I miss them terribly

Bottom 5 things
1. Really long wait
2. Pizza was slightly lacking in flavor
3. Coke products, so I went with water
4. Still on the hunt for actual Chicago-style pizza
5. Ran out of cannoli before Trash got one

www.spaccanapolipizzeria.com
www.thegrafton.com

Schuller’s Tavern – Golden Valley, MN

EnyaFace! got a new job, so we decided to go out with a fellow unemployed x-co-worker, Biss-kit. EnyaFace! knew of this place in Golden Valley where she used to live – a little roadhouse called Schuller’s Tavern. She knows I’m always for new eateries, so we checked it out.

EnyaFace! told me the place in known for their burgers, specifically the Bacon BBQ Jack something-or-other burger. But just to spite me, she told me the waitress said the Chicken Pot Pie was the thing to order today, since it was on special. Then, the menu itself has a ton of good looking items on it to choose from, so I was exponentially more torn. I was so torn, I let the waitress decide for me. She said I needed potpie. I was game. Make it so.

I scored an 802 Woodchuck also. It just needed to be done. While swilling cider and getting caught up on our various job search (and by job search, I mean Tiger Woods on the Wii), I checked out the environs. There’s a closed-circuit television that shows a view of the parking lot (keep an eye on your car, I guess – or watch for snipers). There’s also a super tiny door to the men’s restroom. Freakishly small. There’s a sweet bumper pool table as well. When was the last time I saw a bumper pool table? 1986. Schuller’s also has live bands on weekends – as in bands you should check out. They’re sort of a music venue in fact, so it’s worth looking into their band schedule.

The food came out and I was pretty impressed. The Garlic Burger that EnyaFace looked fantastic. And the ham sammich thing that Biss-kit got also looked fantastic. But I must say, the Chicken Pot Pie looked incredible. Even better, the Pot Pie was brilliant! One of the best restaurant pot pies I’ve ever eaten. Super light and flaky crust, great tasting vegetables, tasty gravy, and awesome big chunks of chicken inside. It truly was magical. If you see this on the menu, order it. I’m not playin’ on this one. GET IT!

Schuller’s has some great food, and I have a feeling I will be back soon. When you go there, harass the bartender about giving up music. Apparently, he’s an amazing musician and he gave it up. What a waste.

Top 5 things about Schuller’s Tavern
1. Pot Pie
2. They have Woodchuck
3. Awesome list of burgers
4. I was enthralled with the closed-circuit TV of the parking lot
5. Waitress was awesome to talk to and was easy on the eyes

Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd loved divey burger bars, and she would have loved this one, for sure
2. I should have played bumper pool
3. I was SUPER tempted to try to eat the pot pie AND the burger bacon jack burger
4. Bartender who gave up on music - sadface
5. No additional downsides - sorry