Minnesota Horse and Hunt Club – Prior Lake, MN

Full disclosure: I screw up Valentine’s Day every year. I try really hard, but multiple things inevitably go wrong, despite all my planning. This year was a pretty spectacular fail, in particular. Why does this even matter? Because this particular activity, one of many I had planned for Valentine’s Day 2015, was scheduled to happen in February, but ended up happening in November, due to weather, schedules, and a bunch of other issues. But it finally happened.

D.Rough and I went skeet shooting. I’d like to claim romantically skeet shooting, but that probably isn’t the case.

The Minnesota Horse and Hunt Club lodge had recently suffered a serious fire and had been rebuilt. The place is NICE. Really nice. It’s a large complex full of all sorts of shooting areas and hunting areas, and probably horses (which we didn’t see at all). We showed up, figured out where to park, and went into the lodge. This is going to sound weird, but we were completely out of our comfort zone. This doesn’t happen very often. Everyone was in camouflage and bright orange and D.Rough and I were in jeans and sweatshirts. There was just a weird vibe to the whole place. Not a bad vibe, just something we were totally unfamiliar with. It took some getting used to. What’s even more bizarre is how nice everyone was. It was clear we weren’t regular members here, and the staff and other members were really nice to us and made sure we were taken care of. Well done, MHHC!

D.Rough and I signed our waivers holding no one liable when we shot our own foot off. We told the woman behind the counter we had an intro lesson scheduled with Dennis and she double checked to make sure we didn’t have a gun. So apparently, you can easily rent a gun form places like this. We rented a 20-guage and the counter woman handed us four boxes of shotgun shells. I can’t tell you how out of our element we were at this very moment. Dennis, our instructor, showed up and introduced himself and grabbed our shotgun. We followed Dennis out to this beautiful lakeside shooting stand – it looked like the world’s smallest patio. 

Dennis went through a quick lesson on how to click the button on the remote control and fling the clay discs into the air from different angles. Pretty easy. Then he went through a pretty quick (alarmingly quick, in fact) description of how to load our newly rented shotgun. Shell goes in the side with the metal side facing backwards, push the button on the side to load it, then click off the safety. Really. That was it. Then he showed us how to track the disc as it flies through the air. Cheek to the butt, butt to the shoulder (which 12-year old Chad can’t stop saying now). With your cheek to the butt, when you move your head, the barrel moves – pretty slick. Surprisingly not unlike the Big Buck Hunter game at your local redneck bar.  Your turn, Chad!  Seriously. This was quick. Remember when I was out of my comfort zone? Yeah, this was suddenly worse.

In a split second, I freaked out a little. Did we have enough safety instruction before giving me a lethal weapon? Should I be wearing orange? Will these ear protector things stop me from being deaf? Will I end up with a black powder coated face like the cartoons? How far do these projectiles travel? What is my middle name? Do I have a fidgety trigger finger? Who’s hand is this? What the hell am I doing here? Happy Valentine’s Day, Rambo. Sack up and shoot this thing! Breathe.

Safety on? Check

Load the shell? Check

Click the thingy on the side (technical term) to load the gun? Check

Cheek to butt, butt to shoulder? Check

Click off the safety? Check.

Breathe? …………………………………………….. Check, eventually.

Yell “pull!”, but phrased as a question? Check.

Follow the orange disc as it flies straight ahead? Check

Pull the trigger? Check

I’ll be damned, but I blew it apart. First Try. FIRST. F. N. TRY.

Dennis was shocked. D.Rough was shocked. No one was more shocked than me, I promise.

I began to tell these two shocked people about how much Duck Hunt, Golden Eye, House of the Dead, and Big Buck Hunter I have played over the past 30 years, but D.Rough excitedly told me to DO IT AGAIN! I have the best wife ever.

Repeat all the steps. Put the thing in the thing. Click the thing. Cheek to butt, butt to shoulder. Click the other thing. Pull. Track. Trigger. Clay explosion. I’m now 2 for 2 on reducing the clay pigeon population of Minnesota. DO IT AGAIN!

I did the things. Shell. Click. Butt. Butt. Click. Pull. Track. Shoot. Explosion. THREE FOR THREE. This is sooo easy!!!!

Then... I promptly missed a whole slew of targets to bring me back to reality. It actually isn’t that easy, but it’s oddly fun. Not like white water rafting or swimming in mac and cheese fun, but it’s fun. I just happened to have a little beginner’s luck to start the day.

D.Rough stepped up and went through all the steps. She was as nervous as I was. But she’s also a bad-ass. She missed the first few. Dennis gave her some pointers. She winged the next one. Dennis gave her some more pointers. THEN, she nailed one. It was on. My wife doesn’t like to do things she’s not good at, but once she gets a couple of wins under her belt, she’s on board. She is now on board – hahahaha

Dennis told us we could walk around the campus and shoot from different stands. Some in the woods, some on the bluffs, some on the water, and a couple of other places. We headed into the woods to see how we’d do without supervision. And frankly, we did pretty well. Neither of us were going to win any marksman/markswoman awards, but we blew up enough clay discs to keep it fun. At some point along the way, D.Rough stopped saying “Pull” and started saying “DRAW”. This was hilariously awesome. This is why I married her. She apparently adopted some old west gun-slingin’ boss swagger and would make the most hilarious comments when she hit a target. …which was increasingly often towards the end. You rule, D.Rough. We finished up all of our shells and high fived each other (with our lips). 

We headed back to the lodge while commenting on how the walking areas weren’t marked off at all and how easy it would be to walk someplace dangerous if you weren’t paying attention. Thankfully, we were paying attention.

We got back to the lodge and went to the restaurant part. It’s actually really nicely decorated with taxidermy and nice photos.

The servers were all really nice and helpful, which sounded like it may not have been the case in the past (based on comments online). The menu has a couple of interesting game items on it (elk, pheasant, bison, duck, etc.), but we opted for a grilled chicken sandwich and a triple threat sandwich. 

The chicken sandwich was good. Not mind-blowingly good, but it had a nice smoked gouda melted on it and caramelized onions. We really liked the soft pretzel bun that held its structure through the whole sandwich. The fries were pretty standard, so nothing to report there.

The triple threat sandwich is pulled pork, pork belly, and bacon with gouda and bbq sauce. All of the meat was really good and not dry. Again, the pretzel roll was wonderful with this usually sloppy sandwich. And the tots were REALLY crunchy and tasty. We were both glad we got these and even shared nicely!

Overall, we had a good time at MHHC. Granted, it wasn’t all that romantic and valentine-y, but it was still fun to do. It’s good for people to step out of their comfort zone and we were glad we did that. I’m not sure we’re going to sign up to be members at the club, but at least we know we’re competent in defending ourselves in the event of the zombie apocalypse. And a big shout out to Dennis for helping us out and giving us pointers without making us feel like the morons we are. Hahaha

Top 5 things about Minnesota Horse and Hunt Club

1. Dennis – the guy was a champ and we couldn’t have done it without him

2. You don’t have to own a gun to do this – you can rent them

3. This will help you out of your comfort zone and then back to a new comfort zone

4. It’s both easier and more difficult to do than I thought

5. The restaurant is actually much better than we expected

Bottom 5 things

1. Safe walking areas aren’t very defined

2. It’s a long drive out there from the Cities

3. It can get loud out there with all the gun shooting

4. If you haven’t done this before, you’ll feel uncomfortable, but it’s pretty easy to get re-comfortable

5. I don’t suppose they’re in the business of romantic, valentiney-y type things out there – I could be wrong about this.

www.horseandhunt.com

Firewater Grill – Omaha, NE

When I go out of town to watch roller derby, one of the things our travelling fan group likes to do is find a (or many) tiki bar in the city where the event is happening. We usually do some research to see what our options are. This recent trip to Omaha, there happened to be a tiki bar across the street from our hotel. ACROSS THE STREET. How amazing is that?!

Our first concern about this place was the name – Firewater Grill. Isn’t “firewater” sort of a derogatory, or at least hinting at, racist term – and oddly enough in the middle of a land with tons of beautiful native American culture? Well, yes, it is. Our second concern was that it’s in a Comfort Inn. Our third concern was the d-baggery of clientele smoking on the outside patio when we arrived. We thought we’d check it out, even if very briefly. 

The lobby of the hotel has a tiki statue in a fountain, so at least they got that right, even though it wasn’t anywhere near the entrance to the bar. That’s weird. When we walked into the bar area, it was really well-lit. Like REALLY bright. There is a full bar with some bamboo reeds nailed to it, which serves as their version of a tiki bar. We found our friends (who hadn’t left yet) and sat down. Firewater Grill doesn’t have a tiki drink menu. Unusual, right? They have lots of bud lights and coors and pbr and fireball shots, but they don’t have tiki drinks. We asked about it and were told the bartender could make us whatever we wanted. We rattled off a couple of commonly understood tiki drink names (zombie, scorpion, rum runner, yellow bird, and even a Bahama mama or rum punch), but the server’s expression was blank. They WERE however running a special on mai tai cocktails. Fine. We’ll get that, even though it’s going to come out of a icee machine.

We all commented on the only other tiki related item in the room – a giant plaster tree with a huge chunk out of it where some frat boy’s head clearly impacted after a rousing game of darts. Here is that tree.

The drink arrived and was a mai tai flavored slurpee. Waste of time. We unhappily listened to a guitar duo singing some awful version of 90’s and 2000’s songs and drop a few n-words here and there. Are you serious? What’s wrong with this place?

We looked up the next tiki bar in Omaha and packed up to leave. The server brought our individual checks and my friend LooseChange wondered why her check was completely different than all of ours. I knew she had ordered a margarita, but all the drinks were the same price. Or, so we thought. I want you to look at the drink ticket and tell me what’s wrong with it… Go ahead…

First off how do we get different prices from sub-total to total? Then, why is there an occupancy tax? Do they charge people for sitting? The liquor tax we ARE willing to allow, even though it was not really taste-able in the drink. Then, there is a food tax somehow. I’ll assure you that none of the rest of us got any of these random taxes on our drinks. You might think we’re done with the confusion – but WAIT!!! There’s more. Go ahead and add up these numbers in your head. Better yet, get a calculator. How did they come up with 19 cents??!?!?!?

The server came back and we were laughing openly about the bill. LooseChange asked him about the check and he took it to his manager – who promptly comped the drink and told her not to worry about it. Thankfully. We used Uber to get a ride to the nearest actual tiki bar in Omaha. A mere 15 minutes away, but totally worth the cost to get out of this fake tiki bar.

Despite the internet saying Firewater Grill has tiki-style meals, an island bar, an island in the middle of Omaha, island cuisine, fun dining, “commissioned artwork of Aztec” (their words not mine), this place should be skipped at all costs. It was a complete waste of time and money. Sorry to be harsh, but come on.

I’m not even going to put the business address on here so I don’t accidentally make it easy for you to go here. You can thank me later.

Taste of the Twin Cities (Tour de TCO) – Minneapolis, MN

It’s been a long time since M.Giant and I had a quality guy night. We headed over to the TCF Stadium for, what we hoped was, a glutinous feast of super stellar food. All we knew was it was 15-20 of the Twin Cities restaurants and there would be more than enough food. We didn’t know how many people. We didn’t know what to wear. We didn’t know if anyone else we knew was attending. We didn’t know if we had to pay for each individual dish on top of the ticket fee. We didn’t know if there would be a line a mile long. We clearly didn’t know much. But we intended to find out.

The ticket we purchased got us into the event where all the food costs were covered. As were the wine pairings. Yes, I said wine pairings. Each restaurant had a particular wine they paired with whatever dish they were serving. People could then vote on their favorites and enter their name in a drawing. Thankfully, once you got through the initial line to get in and get your complementary wine glass, you could go to whichever restaurant table you wanted to. And by “whichever”, I mean ALL OF THE TABLES. Did I mention there were 20 restaurants with tables???

There were some tricky issues we had, the first was there were television monitors behind many of the tables and those monitors would scroll through a list of participating restaurants. So you’d be eating one dish and then realize the name behind the table wasn’t where you were eating – it was just scrolling through the list. Very confusing, especially because some restaurants didn’t get the memo about bringing their own banner or sign.

Then, we ran into the issue of eating food from a small plate while holding a wine glass without spilling. Clearly we needed three or four hands to accomplish this thing. Even if you were given finger food, you still didn’t have a spare few fingers to pick up the food because of the wine glass. Logistics. It would have been better if they had small trays to collect three or four items and then go sit at one of the tables around the room. We did get to be pretty good about wedging our small plates between the fingers of our wine-glass-hand and eating with the available hand. Tricky, but we’re expert eaters.

Then we realized the pours of wine weren’t “polite pours”. They were real pours. And if we were going to drink 20 glasses of wine, we would likely die. (Die happy, but whatever.) So we had to scale that back. A little.

As for the food, I think I had high expectations of something adventurous or weird or “out of the box”. That wasn’t what this event was about. This was more close to home and comfort-y foods and maybe a tiny bit unusual for suburban people. I’m not complaining because what we were served was good – even delicious in some cases – but nothing was worth raving about to my friends or getting me to get in the car immediately and driving to a restaurant (with a few exceptions). Some highlights were:

• Barker’s Bar and Grill – Rosemary pork belly with amish blue cheese and red currant jelly – served with a nice Moscato
• McCoy’s – Chile-honey spare ribs – served with Steel Toe Sommer Vice beer
• St. Clair Broiler – Meatloaf sliders with some delicious sauce – served with Pothic red wine

For the dessert dishes, there were a few that were good, but were pretty standard and things you could get a lot of places – key lime pie, banana rum cake, chocolate truffles, raspberry tarts, chocolate and caramel tortes. Again, they were good, but didn’t make me crave anything nor surprised me with the combinations.

There were two dishes that really stuck out – head and shoulders abover the rest - in both M.Giant’s and my own opinions.

• Great Waters Brewing Co – Seared pork tenderloin with bacon jam and chipotle mayo – served with Brown Trout Brown Ale
• J.D. Hoyt’s – Buddy Bowl of red beans and rice, shrimp, and chicken and corn bread – served with Terra d’oro Red Zin

Seriously, these two tasted the best of the evening and we may or may not have gone back multiple times. I also fell in love with the Terra d’oro Zinfandel Port. I WILL be buying some of this as soon as I can. It is basically a non-syrupy port. It was awesome, especially with the different foods we tried.

Overall, a fun experience and we loved eating 20 different food options. The downside was that it wasn’t anything wacky and zany. I would totally do this again next year, especially since we got a coupon book with $180 in coupons in it. It is absolutely worth it and wasn’t a high-pressure night. Plus, I don’t mind standing in line with M.Giant while covering every subject topic known to man. Such a blast.

Top 5 things about the Taste of the Twin Cities
1. Great Waters Brewing Co.’s seared pork tenderloin
2. J.D. Hoyt’s Buddy Bowl
3. Terra d’oro Zinfandel Port
4. McCoy’s chile-honey spare ribs
5. REALLY a great value

Bottom 5 things
1. Nothing out of the ordinary
2. Hard to eat while holding a wine glass
3. Confusing signage so you didn’t know which restaurant table you were at
4. It’s weird to have Bacardi girls there pushing pineapple-infused rum drinks on attendees (not that M.Giant and I didn’t have multiple cups…)
5. It’s weird to have Memorial Blood Centers drawing blood in the middle of the people eating food

www.twincitiesoriginals.com

Spicy Buffalo Chicken Loaded Griller at Taco Bell – Minneapolis, MN

I needed a quick bite before heading over to a friend’s house for serious ping pong action. I had heard about these new loaded grillers at Taco Bell – basically appetizers wrapped in a tortilla, for lack of a better explanation. I figured I’d better try one.

I got the buffalo chicken one, which is supposed to taste like chicken wings. And at $.99, I thought about picking up one of each (probably Taco Bell’s strategy, in all honesty). That’s a pretty good deal, even for a newly launched menu item.

I was going to take a photo of the outside, but frankly, it just looks like a burrito or a roll-up, so there isn’t any point. It’s about the size of a normal burrito at Taco Bell, for comparison. It’s thicker and has more ingredients than a cheese roll-up, so don’t feel like you’re getting ripped off for $.99 or anything. It’s a healthy portion for an appetizer.

The insides were a gooey molten cheesy delicious mess. It has chunks of chicken and buffalo sauce, maybe even too much cheese/sauce. It did come squirting out from anywhere it could. I was hoping maybe the creamy white sauce was going to be some sort of amazing blue cheese sauce, but it’s simply sour cream. It’s messy, but I’d probably eat another one of these sometime.

It isn’t going to be the mind blowing things that Taco Bell has put out in the past, but it’s above average, and for the price, hard to beat. I was glad I got one, but I’m curious to try all the other ones. If you’ve got any experience with the other loaded grillers, chime in, folks.

Pannekoeken Huis – Minneapolis, MN

Trash wanted to meet me for lunch to discuss some work things, and what she really wanted was breakfast-type food. She hadn’t been to Pannekoeken Huis in some time and it had been maybe 5 years since I had been there. Sure, why not?

For those not familiar, Pannekoeken Huis is Dutch for pancake house. Yes, they do specialize in these sweet pastry-like pancakes called Pannekoeken, but it’s sort of a Dutch version of Denny’s. I think there’s only one left in the Twin City area, but I might be mistaken about that.

Trash ordered a mushroom and cheese omelet with hasbrowns, which comes with toast or a cinnamon roll. She went with the cinnamon roll. Then she tried to talk me into getting a Pannekoeken, but I wasn’t feeling it. I got an avocado chicken wrap instead with some home fries.

The cinnamon roll arrived quickly and looked pretty good.

It was oooooozing sugary frosting. I’m not sure from where, but you can see in this video, it is quite definitely oozing out of the roll onto the plate near the giant scoop of butter. It was a little intimidating.

Trash offered me a bite, but I wasn’t really in the mood for something that sickeningly sweet. Neither was she. She gave up after two or three bites – it was too sugary. I tried a bite of it and agreed 100%. Waaay too much sugar, and I’m not even sure the sugar was mixed in well with the frosting since it actually had a crystalline feel to it. Not my thing, to be honest.

The meals came out a short while later. Trash’s omelet was pretty straight forward. Nothing flashy, not even any salt or pepper – just sort of bland (especially since mushrooms are flavorless). I had a bite of hers just to see, and yup, it was bland and boring. Large, but bland and boring. Even the cheese didn’t help that much The hashbrowns looked plenty crispy on top (like I like them) and had serious cheese melted on top of them, but again, they weren’t seasoned with anything at all. We didn’t have any salt and pepper on our table, or we might have been able to dress these up enough to make it through them. Trash ended up finishing maybe half of her omelet and half of her hashbrowns.

My wrap looked just fine. I had a couple of bites before I realized I didn’t have any avocado in the wrap at all. Lots of olives and chicken and lettuce, but not any avocados. I was a little disappointed with this, especially the lack of flavor in the chicken. Again, no seasoning that I noticed. I only ate half of my wrap – which, if you read this blog at all, you know is unusual. The home fries were basically baked potatoes with some Lawry’s salt (see, I know they had SOME seasoning back in the kitchen), cut up into bite-sized cubes. I ate less than half of those, as well.

Overall, we were pretty disappointed with the meal there. It seemed like it was made for old people who live in Minnesota – nothing too hot or seasoned. The waitress was really nice, so there’s no complaints about service, but I don’t think I’d bring anyone here under the age of 70. Trash commented that we lowered the median age of the customers there by half when we walked through the door.

Top 5 things about Pannekoeken Huis
1. Staff
2. Pretty expansive menu, especially for breakfast foods
3. They yell “Pannekoeken!!!” when they bring one of those things out of the kitchen
4. Inexpensive
5. Really fast service

Bottom 5 things
1. Lack of seasonings
2. Sickeningly sweet cinnamon roll
3. House fries were dry
4. Fake and dusty flowers on the table
5. Close at 4pm, so breakfast and lunch only

www.pannekoeken-mn.com

Decrease Your Species Tour – Beat Coffeehouse – Minneapolis, MN

Having scored a bachelor’s degree in music performance, I can say honestly that like a lot of different music. People sometimes follow that up with “except rap” or “except country”. I have no caveats. I’m all in. When I heard the Decrease Your Species tour was headed to town, I made sure I was there. I’ve seen a bunch of metal and hardcore shows at the Beat Coffeehouse, but never a rap show. Not intending to sound racist at all, but I had no idea the Twin Cities had any sort of underground white-guy rap scene. But it DOES. It isn’t the following that Atmosphere has or anything, but it’s there (and it’s YOUNG). I honestly teared up a little bit during the show when I realized I really missed my recently deceased friend ThrowerOfBolts – who was one of the hidden gems of white-guy rap back where I’m from. I’m not an expert on the genre or anything, but I’ll give it a go.

First up (at least when I showed up – I may have missed the first group), Milky Way from Milwaukee. Great, super-solid content and super-fast delivery. The kid has a lot to say and it’s bustin to come out of him. He was even better than the last time I saw him at a house show in Davenport, IA. Good mix of multi-rhythm rhymes and tempo changes.

Next up, Codependents from Missoula, Montana. These kids are a little green, but still did a great job. They didn't mix up the rhythms much and kept it the same speed and pace, but were still likeable. I’m not sure about hard times in Montana, but if there are any, I hope they can channel it into some darker messages. I’ve always had issues with the “woke up one morning”-style of lyrics. Again, just me. These guys are right on the cusp of solid hip hop, so I hope they don’t give up. I also don't know how they didn’t end up in a mess, with four mic cords circling and circling the stage. Kudos to their ninja cord-untangling skillz.

Third up, Errol Hemm out of Chicago. I’m slightly biased having known this guy for years back in my home town. I had the honor of playing guitar for one of his metal bands and I respect his talents as a writer and frontman. He’s so much better than his earlier stuff lets on – he’s matured, having spent some time in Chicago and some rough situations, and he draws in the crowd (small as it was) with lots of volume, passion, and crowd interaction (read: comedic one-liner shots at his friends). I love this kid and it does me proud to see him taking life and music almost-seriously while spittin and rhymin on the stage to kids barely old enough to vote.

Finally, MC Nobody Cares out of New Hampshire. This guy probably gets told he looks like Steve-O a lot, but he was really quite good on stage. I didn’t know what to expect. I heard him talking metal outside on the sidewalk a bit, but his rap chops are waaaay solid. Good mix of fast raps and sung parts without being corny. He likes to keep it dark and doesn't “believe in that happy music therapy shit”, though he’s quite humorous on stage. He’s got really good timing and had some good crowd interaction. None of his stuff sounds the same (all the songs sounds identifiably different), and his style is unique even amongst the other guys he’s touring with.

One of the best parts of the night was going outside the coffeehouse between acts – the audience was out there freestyle rapping. If you were just walking past, it might have sounded like they were cracking wise or making fun, but these kids actually DO this stuff regularly and for fun. Generally, one or two of the kids would beatbox and the spotlight would get passed around the circle as one after another kid rapped it out for a minute or two. It wasn’t all good, obviously, but you have to start somewhere. Timing and quick thinking doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but you got to stay in there and practice. It was especially good when one of the touring guys would walk past, bringing in equipment from the vans or carrying merch, and they’d drop in a few lines of scary-solid freestyle and then walk away. I think Errol Hemm handed out an ass-whoopin, vocal-style, right before he started his set. I told you the guy is good.

3rd Annual Dr. Herman’s .10K Triathlon – Minneapolis, MN

For three years now, Dr. Herman and HB have hosted one of the most talked-about events in Minnesota (well, maybe the Twin Cities) – the .10K Triathlon. I had the honor of helping make this event happen this year and wince we’re trying to go big time with this event in 2013, we thought we’d better step it up a notch and make it as professional event as possible. I think we did pretty well.

If you don’t read closely enough, you’ll miss the small period at the beginning of the 10K. It’s a POINT 10K. Think about what this means. That’s .1K, since the zero isn’t necessary. Here, we’ll help you with the conversion. 1K is 3280.84 feet. This means .10K is 328 feet. Really. That’s how far the entire triathlon is. So we’ve had to modify the events. We still include biking, running, and swimming, but we’ve shrunk it down to fit the smaller format.

Here are some photos and video of the event.

As you can see, we have a good time. You don’t see many people NOT smiling. Everyone is having a blast.

Here’s what it looks like from the participant’s point of view. If you get motion-sick easily, you may not want to watch this one. It’s pretty bouncy and shaky. But, clearly, I'm not the fastest runner. Not even close. However, I WAS in the lead after the first race (and technically the second race, too).

Here are the top 3 leaders from each division.

MEN'S TRIATHLON:
1st place: Brian Cole, 16.6 seconds
2nd place: Kade Almendinger, 17.1 seconds
3rd place: Eric "Taco" Jensen, 17.4 seconds

WOMEN'S TRIATHLON:
1st place: Amanda Richardson, 21.2 seconds
2nd place: Katie Sisneros, 21.5 seconds
3rd place: Ashley Krohn, 21.9 seconds

MEN'S RELAY:
Chao Eng, Eric "Taco" Jensen, Dan "Doc" Herman: 19.72 seconds

WOMEN'S RELAY:Margaret Martin, Amanda Richardson, Katie Sisneros: 22.78 seconds

We handed out trophies and everything. Winners could get their photos taken with Michael Jordan, as well! Bonus! And yes, my team did take first in the Men's Relay event. Suck it, other participants! (I just like to smack-talk, I don't really mean it.)

I know it’s 11 months away, but I’m already looking forward to next year’s event. It’s going to be bigger and better than 2012. By bigger, I mean more people, it will still be 328 feet. But it will be 48.2% more awesome!

(Big thanks to Matt Pul-Chevy and Meredith Westin for many of the photos here. I took video, and realized I had almost no still shots. Appreciated!!!)

Lochness Park Disc Golf Course – Blaine, MN

For the second 9-hole course of the day, we headed a mile or two down the road to Lochness – yes, just like the lake with the monster. It is funny that there are signs everywhere saying sledding is not allowed (odd, since there aren’t any hills), and the signs look like the lochness monster when you drive past them quickly.

We weren’t sure what to expect, but I had printed out a map online, which ended up helping us in the end. It did however take us a minute or two to find out bearings on the map so we could find the first tee.

The first thing you’ll notice about the course is there are three sets of well-marked tees. There are also tee signs high in the air with good maps on them so you can figure out both the layout of the hole but also where the additional tees are. Really well done on the tee areas – dirt tees and only a little water in some of them, due to the rain we had just gotten.

The course from the blue/pro tees is long. I mean really long. They don’t even bat an eye at 800+ feet. Be ready for that. the map online does show distances and routes for all three tees, which is awesome, but so do the tee signs at each hole. The fairways here are really well taken care of and you should really stick to them. If you get into the crap on either side, you’re going to kick yourself.

I think all of the holes had an identifiable fairway. One was particularly narrow, and a bit of a poke-and-hope, but it was short enough you could throw a bad shot and still be able to find a route/putt to the basket. Some of the fairways were really wide open, but for the most part you really had to control your shot, both distance and direction. I like courses like this one. In fact, everyone liked this course. I was worried some of them wouldn’t due to the distance factor, but everyone seemed to like it. There was also an interesting water hole where you have to hit an opening in the trees. ZERO discs losts (though two were wet)!

Again, the stars were aligning and my distance was pretty rockin this day. Even my aim was pretty good. I didn’t end up under par, but not many people will with a few 800 foot holes. My putting was saving my tail and I only had one spit-out from the basket. The course was really quite charming and fun to play. You might think the distance would ruin it for a lot of people, but the holes weren’t mean or nasty and we all pretty straight forward. Just solid golf. You’ll like this course!

Dickey’s BBQ Pit – Eden Prairie, MN

I work near this Dickey’s BBQ Pit location and had no idea they were a chain until I went back home to visit the family in Illinois. That’s the reason these guys aren’t competing in the Bar-B-Quest 2012 rib challenge – otherwise, HotGirlsBrother and I would have thrown them in the mix. We’re not including national chains like Famous Dave’s and Tony Roma’s, even though those places are just fine. No offense, Dave and Tony.

I met a friend at the Eden Prairie location for lunch. Funny story: he recommended we eat here, but when he said “Dickey’s”, he meant “Baker’s” and had no idea where Dickey’s was located. It involved a lot of phone calls and waiting, but it was worth it when he fessed up to what he had done. The inside of the place is pretty spacious and bright, and there are huge menus hanging up above the counter where you order, so that’s helpful.


I knew I wanted a multi-meat platter for lunch (which is pretty reasonably priced, I might add), but I wasn’t sure which kinds of meat I wanted. I wanted ALL of them, but that isn’t how the deal works. I saw they had a sign pasted over one of the regular meats and on the sign, it read “Spicy Cheesy Sausage”. I knew I wanted ribs, so I told the guy I wanted ribs, but was curious about the sausage (twss). He immediately sliced off a chunk of the sausage for me to sample. I then immediately ordered that. It was awesome. I ordered the sides I wanted – baked beans and the spicy green beans and bacon – because why wouldn’t you?? I asked the girl behind the counter which sides were good. She told me the mac and cheese was her favorite, and then she put a small amount in a dish and told the register girl that it was no charge. Wow, this place was doing everything they could to get people to try their food. I was already becoming a big fan.


We sat down. You have to get your silverware at one counter near the door and then get your drinks from the fountain, as well. Not a big hassle, but it took some doing to figure out where everything was at. I dug into the spicy green beans with bacon. They weren’t all that spicy, sadly, and even more sadly – the bacon wasn’t really bacon – it was ham. Same animal, yet different animal. Bummer. It also had a ton of onions in with the beans, so I wasn’t thrilled. But I powered through. The mac and cheese however, was really really good. The girl was right. When I go back here, I’ll be getting the mac and cheese, for sure. The baked beans were just alright. I wasn’t blown away, but they were decent. No complaints on them.


The ribs were about average. Nothing flashy, but it took some doing to get off the bones and the meat wasn’t all that tender. There wasn’t a ton of flavor, but thankfully, there were three sauces on the table to choose from. I liked the original best, but the hot and the sweet weren’t awful. I was glad I had them, though.
The spicy sausage was the winner of the day, though. Really a delicious sausage and it had a tiny bit of zip to it. I guess in Minnesota, this is spicy. It could have been kicked up four or five more notches, but I understand, they have to cater to the lowest common denominator palette.

The restaurant has two things they’re trying to push – one is weird, one is not. The first thing: They have a big yellow cup club. All their soft drinks come in a big yellow cup. I’m not sure why this is even a “thing”. It really shouldn’t be. Just give me a vessel to put liquid in – I don’t care what color and I don’t care how big it is, if there are free refills. Weird. What’s not weird is the second claim to fame they have – free soft serve ice cream.
Now that’s what I’m talking about. I really enjoyed this mini dessert after my meal. They have minimal toppings, but all I wanted was the ice cream. It made me leave with a smile.

I’m pretty sure my friend liked his food a lot as well, so I’m hoping it’s a place we can go to more often for lunch. It didn’t have mind blowing ribs, but the prices were reasonable and the other meats and sides were worth eating again. It probably wouldn’t have fared well against some of the local BBQ players, but it did alright for a once-in-a-while lunch place.

Top 5 things about Dickey’s BBQ Pit
1. Spicy Cheesy Sausage
2. Mac and Cheese
3. Free ice cream
4. Generous with samples
5. Pretty good prices for what you get

Bottom 5 things
1. Ribs weren’t much to talk about
2. Bacon was actually ham and not spicy at all
3. Beans were meh
4. The layout was confusing, with the drinks in one place and the silverware in another
5. Big Yellow Cup Club was lost on me

www.dickeys.com

Teppenyaki Grill (Supreme Buffet) - Minneapolis, MN

EJens had a coupon for Minnesota’s largest buffet – Teppenyaki Grill and Supreme Buffet - so he graciously invited me to come along for the experience. I initially showed up at the wrong buffet on Lake Street – the absolute other end of Lake Street, in fact – and had to phone him to figure out where he was hiding. Turns out, he was hiding at the proper restaurant and I was so excited that I had gone to the wrong place. Teppenyaki Grill is located in a strip mall complex surrounded by a liquor store and a grocery store a handful of other smaller mom and pop shops. The building housing this restaurant looked pretty substantial.

EJens and I strolled into the place and were amazed at how large it was. You walk into what amounts to the buffet area – there are 10 separate buffet stations in the middle, and then there’s a sushi bar in the back, along with a separate Mongolian grill area. This place is enormous and I would guess it could possibly be the largest buffet in Minnesota, as they have advertised. There are at least three separate huge dining rooms all filled with people. This place does a lot of business. I was stunned, amused, and horrified when I walked in and saw two different demographics of people represented here: Really large people leaning back in their booths like they had just consumed 15,000 calories and were about to die, and then a noticeable ton of old, dirty, creepy white guys with their younger, prettier, and skittish Asian wives. The kind of people I used to get smacked for saying “mail-order bride” too loudly near, when hanging out with easily embarrassed people. Yes, there were other demographics represented: Hispanics, metal guys, first dates, motorcycle guys with no sleeves, and of course, now two innocent and doe-eyed white chaps (that would be EJens and I).

EJens had a plan for this place – one plate for every buffet station. This was his strategy for eating every one of the (claimed) 250 items this place had to offer. My strategy was much more customized: eat small amounts of everything I could recognize and be willing to put into my body. As it turns out, there was a surprising amount of American food on the buffet. I assumed it would be Chinese food as far as the eye can see, but it was a ton of traditional American food.

I won’t be able to go into detail about every item I ate, but I’ll give it a decent shot, just so you know. There will be some highlights and some lo-lights included.

The black pepper chicken turned out to be surprisingly good - I was off to a good start. The Teppenyaki Chicken was mostly good, a bit of gristle in this and some fatty stuff. Beef and broccoli ended up being a little slimy, so NOT good. I had opted for some sushi from the sushi bar. The California roll was a bit mushy, but edible. The spicy tuna roll was actually good. Some random unnamed tempura-ed roll had a really sweet goo on it, but was overall good. The lo mein was extremely sub-par and the fried rice was incredibly onion-y.

It was clear after plate number one the caliber of food we were dealing with. It wasn’t good, I’m unsure how long some things had been sitting there, and I’m already wondering how these giant people in the booth across from ours look like they ate enough to feed the entire country of Zambia by themselves. Nothing to do but power through.

The pepperoni pizza was some of the worst I've ever had. The kielbasa was awful and very smoky. The sweet corn was somehow clear and flavorless. The baked potato was covered in onions and unidentifiable cheese and was floppy and flavorless. The mac and cheese was flavorless but actually looked really good. The Hong Kong chicken was decent: some sort of sweet and sour flavor on it. The roasted chicken pieces were very gristly, and had a lot of skin (I hope) on them, but had good flavor.

EJens commented that he wished he had a map, so he could A) figure out a better strategy for food priority and order, B) check things off the list to ensure he had eaten everything, and C) use a treasure map in a restaurant. EJens should be commended for eating at least one more plate than I did. I began to slow down when my body realized it was being filled with sub-State-Fair-caliber food-like substances.

The egg roll had no cinnamon flavor in it, which I thought would be good, but it had been sitting too long and was soft and flavorless. The fried spring roll was almost clear from the amount of frying that had occurred and it was also extremely cabbage-y. The cream cheese puff was also clear and there wasn't enough cream cheese, but it was edible. The steak and cheese stromboli was NOT good. The chicken nugget was bad even for a chicken nugget. Oddly, the pig in a blanket was delicious. Also, the buffalo wing was delicious.

I went to the mongolian grill area and fixed up a plate for myself. I also forgot to take a photo of this particular plate - sorry. There aren't a lot of toppings and ingredients to add, and there's no sauce for you to put on to lubricate the stuff while it's on the grill, so you get whatever watered down soy sauce the cook squirts on your food while he's cooking it. The food from the grill wasn't bad, though it did taste a bit burnt (flavor from the grill, I'm sure).

This is an octopus that EJens tried to eat, but couldn't power through more than a tentacle or two. At least it wasn't moving. Also: gross.

The donut was flavorless but was covered in sugar, so that helped. The sparerib (yes, I threw a sparerib on a plate of fruit, jello, and pudding) was extremely gristly. The honeydew, which I am a huge fan of normally, tasted and chewed JUST like a carrot, uggh. Ding ding ding: the canteloupe was surprisingly really good. The red jello and the orange jello were actually very good for buffet jello - no skin and not watery at all. The vanilla pudding actually turned out to be lemon pudding, which was a terrible shock to my system.

That, my friends, is a meatball with a shrimp shoved in it. EJens assured me it wasn't the most awful thing he ate, but it was verrrry fishy and I'm unsure how it could have cooked all the way through - either of those ingredients. Despite EJens pointing out how much I love food stuffed with other non-related foods, this wasn't my favorite thing. Also, notice the fancy chef swirl next to the small piece of prime rib I got. That's not fancy, that's grease. It was close to stopping time at this point.

Thankfully, we finished up with enough room for ice cream at the ice cream station, which shares its toppings with the incredibly weak salad bar (so weak, I didn’t even notice there was salad here). So if you want gummy bears, sprinkles, sunflower seeds, bacon bits, and croutons on your ice cream, you can do that (don’t think I wasn’t tempted). I got a bowl with strawberry, vanilla, and birthday cake ice cream. EJens did some experimentation and got some nasty ice cream he wasn’t expecting. I like to think it was fish ball and lemon ice cream, but that’s simply in my own head because I think it would be hilarious. That flavor, to my knowledge, does not exist.

What’s odd about this buffet experience was that both EJens and I left NOT feeling like we were going to die. We had certainly eaten enough to be full, but not enough to be stuffed to bursting. Yes, I was sweating grease and probably smelled of fish soup and hopelessness, but I have done far more damage to my body at just about every other buffet I’ve been to.

I would not recommend eating here. Not even if you’re a giant person or have ordered your wife out of a catalog. The food was not appealing to me and had I heard the comments from my friends when they heard where we went BEFORE I ate there, I might have given it a second thought. I apologize to those whom I offend with this review, but I won’t be back there. Ever.

Top 5 things about Teppenyaki Grill
1. Black pepper chicken
2. Spicy tuna roll
3. Pig in a blanket
4. Jello
5. Ice cream

Bottom 5 things
1. Pepperoni pizza
2. Baked potato
3. Beef and broccoli
4. Spare rib
5. Atmosphere

Teppenyaki Grill
2216 Lake St. E.
Minneapolis, MN 55407