Dalles House Restaurant and Lounge – St. Croix Falls, WI

 

D and I were up near Interstate State Park and found this fun looking restaurant – she’s quite good at picking places, so I knew I was in for a treat. It’s got that old school Wisconsin lounge feel from the outside and we were even more happy when we went and saw how fun the inside was! It’s like a magical tiki land behind the bar and there’s a huge outdoor space that would probably be fun in the summer months! There is a fancier dining room, but the bar was definitely more our speed. The bar is the kind of place where you throw some wood on top of the pool table and call it a table (I’m serious).

 

We sat at the bar so we could take in the whole tiki grotto and see what was happening around us. When in Wisconsin, you order a brandy old fashioned. State law, I think. D bucked the trend and got a margarita. 

 

The menu is pretty much Americana through and through, but there are still some really good sounding items on it. We ended up splitting some raspberry chipotle wings and a honey smoked salmon salad. It all came out pretty quickly so we dove in.

The chicken wings were really good. I know it’s hard to do wings in a way that sets them apart, but we’ve also had plenty of wings that were straight trash. These were delicious and meaty and the raspberry chipotle sauce on them was really great. Great way to kick off a meal.

 

The salmon salad was much bigger than we expected. Aside from lettuce, it had candied pecans, blue cheese, bell peppers, onions, and tomatoes. This all had a Caesar dressing mixed in, which ruled. We were both expecting a piece of salmon on top but this shredded version was actually much easier to deal with. The salmon had a great sweet honey taste and you could get some with every bite of salad. And despite the tomatoes being sort of out of season, all the veggies were really fresh. We had to fight over who got the buttery garlic toast, but splitting it worked just fine.

 

We liked this place probably more than normal people would, but it’s got that fun kitsch that we’re always looking for. Super friendly servers and good food and drinks just makes it all the more enjoyable. Looking forward to our next trip to the Dalles House!

Republic Ranch – Dallas, TX

One of our regular activities while attending a roller derby tournament anywhere in the world is to find a tiki bar. Sometimes, they’re good, sometimes, they’re bad, but there’s always rum and fruit juices, so that’s good. I read a few articles about Dallas being severely lacking in the tiki department, but word on the street is that one of them had opened up recently - Pilikia. We decided to take a Lyft 30 minutes downtown and check it out.

…. And, then we were promptly turned away at the door because there is a dress code. The REALLY nice gentleman bouncer who wouldn’t let us past the ropes was very nice and apologetic and even jovial, but it was clear we weren’t getting anywhere near their Rum Runners and Giggle Punch. As it turns out, this place isn’t so much a tiki bar as it is a tiki-themed night club. Who knew there was such a thing.

Dejected, but optimistic, our group walked down the street and found a nice looking bar called the Republic Ranch. It wasn’t busy in the main restaurant part of the room, so we pulled up to the bar and ordered some drinks. The tiki-est drinks we could think of. The bar tender gave it his best shot and provided us with a couple of drinks that were tasty, but had zero juice in them. They did have these boozy sun-shaped lime garnishes that I hope my wife doesn’t ever force me to make for our drinks. They also have some sort of boozy slushy machine behind the bar containing something called the Drunk Tank – Shotty got one of those and confirmed that it DID, in fact, have a shitload of booze in it.

We had good conversation with the bartender, who was pretty rad. He said there were some parties going on all day and people were in the back. We didn’t know what that meant, but every five or ten minutes, we’d see someone literally staggering out from the back room and out the front doors. Like zombie-style incapacitated. The bartender just rolled his eyes and laughed. He said some folks had been back there all day hitting it hard. We poked our head around the corner to the back room and it looked like an empty wedding banquet room. All white chair covers and table cloths, but no one was in there. We saw a door at the back, but didn’t venture back that far. But the steady flow of obliterated people continued. We assumed they were coming out of some hidden entrance to drunk town, but never stopped to check it out.

We ordered more drinks. I got a mai tai and the bar tender looked up a recipe. I got this blue drink, which I’ve never had in mai tai form before. Thankfully, it was delicious, so I drank it all.

At one point, a girl came out from “the back” (which we still didn’t know what that really meant), and she was not in good shape. The hostess, who was an absolute dear, realized she needed help when she tried to get an Uber and typed in “home” for the destination. The hostess suggested that the Uber driver might NOT want to drive the girl all the way to Houston. Hahaha. So the drunk girl then typed in “hotel”, which apparently will not take you to the right hotel – just to you know for the future. It will take you to a random hotel, and whatever is first on the list in Uber. Hilarious. The hostess patiently helped this girl through the Uber process and miraculously got her into an Uber headed somewhere. I hope that girl made it.

So we ordered more drinks. I got a vodka pineapple just so I could pretend I went to a tiki bar, and it was tasty. But still not the same. Again, the bartender was cracking wise with us by that point and making sure we all had a good time. We continued to laugh at the people who tried to leave under their own power and ended up leaning on the back of our barstools for balance as they settled up their tabs. It was pretty amazing.

Just as we were about to leave, there was a hubbub in “the back” and our bartender, another bartender, a cook, and someone I think nicknamed “Fried Jesus” (possibly the owner) ran to help this belligerent fellow being “escorted” to the sidewalk. The workers handled it like pro, despite the drunk guy throwing punches and knocking people’s glasses off their faces. They got this guy out the door and he disappeared. All of the workers came back in and apologized for the disruption – I’m pretty sure they assumed we were leaving because of the altercation, not because of the late hour and stomachs full of booze. We assured them we had a great night and told them we’d be back if we were in town again. Really good folks at this place.

[Editor’s addendum: I looked at this place’s website and now I’m extremely upset about two things.

1. The food here looks absolutely magical. It’s a real bummer that we didn’t try to eat dinner here before our “show”. The menu looks great and all of the reviews of this place are really encouraging, as are all the photos of the food.

2. Shotty and OtherNick, be prepared to throw your computer across the room when you read this next part. Ready?... … … … … … … THERE IS A GODDAMN POOL IN “THE BACK” AREA.   A POOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!! Why didn’t the bartender even think to mention that to us?? Now we really will have to go back there to fully capitalize on “the back” area. AAAGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I’m not sure this is why people were leaving on non-functioning legs, but it’s definitely possible. We have to find out. HAVE TO!]

Honestly, we didn’t expect much from this place, especially after being shamed for wearing tiki-appropriate attire and not being allowed access to our intended destination, but Republic Ranch delivered so much more than we expected. It was really fun, and ALL of the staff were friendly and happy we were there. Thank you for a great time!!

www.republicranchdallas.com

Hola Arepa - Minneapolis, MN

D.Rough and I had random reasons to celebrate, so we decided to hit up a place we've been meaning to go to for months. Hola Arepa in Uptown. It was a Friday night, so we knew there was going to be a wait, but we were up for it - especially since they had a bar there. The host told us it would be about 30 minutes.

We put our name in and headed to the bar. As we were walking up, the people sitting there were leaving and told us to take their spot. We sat down and proceeded to look at the drink menu - soooooo many delicious sounding drinks. Apparently, these folks are known for their creative cocktails. All of them contain bitters, which I'm not a huge fan of, but I am able to order drinks without bitters like a grown ass man, so we're all good.

I ordered an El Camino Rojo and D.Rough ordered a Cortez The Killer. We watched the drink expert make these ridiculously expert-level drinks and were pretty impressed. These drinks were strong. REALLY strong. And delicious, thankfully. We both liked the Cortez The Killer better, but both were super tasty. This also gave us time to check out the food menu so we were ready when we sat down at our table.

We ran into some friends, like you do in Uptown, and chatted the time away. We also ordered two more drinks. I opted for the Jolly Poltergeist and D.Rough got the Southerly Pariah - again, both were incredibly strong. To the point of weavy-ness. This time, I ordered the winning drink (the Jolly Poltergeist)(again, without bitters).

It was just over 30 minutes when the host called our name and sat us at a table being served expertly by Bryce - a fellow long-haired bearded gentleman. We were already leaning towards a couple of appetizers and finally decided on the Vigoron appetizer - steamed yuca, roasted pork, citrus-cabbage slaw, pico de gallo, and chicharron on a banana leaf. After a few questions, I ordered an arepa with roasted pork and sweet potatoes and D.Rough ordered the arepa with shredded beef and plantains. If you don't know what arepas are, you're missing out. They're sort of a taco-like hand food. Picture a circular cross between a pita and an english muffin, but made out of corn meal. Then stuff it with all kinds of different ingredients (mainly the kinds of things you would put in a fancy taco) like lettuce, shredded beef/pork, black beans, onions, and other things.

The Vigoron came out and we were extremely excited for this crazy thing. It was a mound of shredded pork with some other fun things to dip the pork rinds into. Seriously this thing was worth fighting over. I was very surprised both at how large it was and also how delicious it was. I'm glad we decided on this for an appetizer.

The arepas came out just after we finished our appetizer. And I'll be honest, it was really difficult to tell which one was better.

The shredded beef was had fantastic cumin flavor and the sweetness of the plantains really cut through. The cotija cheese flavor also came through brilliantly. I was really surprised how good this thing was.

The roasted pork arepa with sweet potato was also fantastic. The green onion aioli was extremely mild and complemented the roasted pork very well. Just the right amount of sweet potato so as not to be overpowering.

The yuca fries that came with our areas were wonderful. I got the chimichurri dip and D.Rough got the aioli verde dip. Again, we couldn't decide which one was better - we loved them both.

I'll be honest, I expected to just think this place was "o.k.". I was totally wrong about it. The place is wonderful. I know there are competing arepa restaurants in the Twin Cities that are cheaper, but the arepas at Hola are much larger, more full of ingredients, and are more filling. One arepa is more than enough here, especially if you get one of their enormous appetizers (which I would recommend).

Top 5 things about Hola Arepa
1. Vigoron
2. Shredded beef and plantain arepa
3. Roasted pork and sweet potato arepa
4. Delicious cocktails
5. Both the chimichurri dip and the aioli verde dips for the yuca fries

Bottom 5 things
1. You're going to wait in line, especially in the winter when the patio is closed. There's a really good reason they're as busy as they are
2. The bartender, who is an absolute wizard, is leaving Hola Arepa to start his own distillery!!!!
3. You're going to want everything on the menu
4. I've heard people call it "Holla" arepa. Those people are idiots
5. If you don't like bitters, order your fancy drinks without them - it's that easy

www.holaarepa.com

Cempazuchi Comida Brava – Milwaukee, WI

D.Rough and I had seen one of the Food Channels cover this awesomely lively Mexican restaurant in Milwaukee and had filed it away for future reference. When people asked us where to go, D.Rough suddenly remembered Cempazuchi. I’m sooo glad she did.

The inside is decorated in crazy awesome garish bright colors that make you smile even when you don't want to and it even has decorations made specifically for us (or so we assume): Luchadore masks and jammer helmets. Hahahaha.

The margarita special of the day was pineapple mango, so a bunch of us went in on a pitcher. That’s how you play this game! Also, this place has hundreds of tequilas in stock and can make you any kind of margarita with any kind of tequila you can think of. Get adventurous!

Bam. Margaritas.

The menu had a lot of authentic dishes on it. You can find the standards like tacos, tostadas, and burritos, but you have to look hard and read the fine print. My advice, go with something authentic and delicious sounding, or have your server suggest something. Ours was fantastic. I decided on the Tacos al Pastor de Pato (duck tacos): wrapped in blue corn tortillas and topped with tropical salad salsa. D.Rough got the Enchilada Oaxaquenas: tortillas stacked with filling and a red chile salsa, chicken, and pork.

They brought us some chips and salsa, but not standard salsa. One was a chili pepper-garlic salsa with some kick, the other was a sesame seed and peanut salsa. The chili one started out my favorite, but then it switched to the sesame seed one. Really very unique and delicious. You will be asking for more of this.

The food was pretty awesome. I heard this from almost everyone. The Duck Tacos were some of the best version of duck I’ve had in years. It was very moist and seasoned and served on very small blue corn tortillas. I thought I’d be disappointed with the small size fo these, but I honestly wasn’t. It was just the right portion size for the delivery of this amazing duck. And the vibrant and spicy almost-fruit-salad salsa was great. The blue corn has a very distinct corn flavor, but not overwhelming – I just loved these, honestly.

D.Rough’s Enchiladas Oaxaquenas were also very good. The shredded pork and chicken were a great match for the rich red salsa (not spicy, just rich and smoky and tasty). It was filling, but thankfully, it wasn’t a massive portion – just about right (at least right enough that I still got some left-overs hahaha).

I heard a "meh" from the corner of the table that got the torta, but that's the only downside I heard.
But, the winner of the day was Second-Hand Smoke’s Arracheras en Chile: basically a skirt steak in a chili sauce with some other veggies. After having a bite of her dish, I knew she had won the champion of the world for ordering this day. The meat was falling-apart-tender and the flavor was some of the best I’ve ever had. It was brilliant. Order this when you go there. You’ll be glad you did.

And a huge massive thank-you to Mama Smoke, who bought us all lunch, when she absolutely didn’t have to. She’s one of the coolest people in roller derby I know and we will continue to make sure to include her in as much as possible on these road trips. She’s the proud mother of one of the top derby skaters in the world and she’s one of our gang – we’re really happy to have them both!!!

Top 5 things about Cempazuchi Comida Brava
1. Arrecheras en Chile
2. Tacos al Pastor de Pato
3. Enchiladas Oaxaquenas
4. Pineapple Mango Margaritas
5. Our server and his trust sidekick, Don, were wonderful to us

Bottom 5 things
1. Aside from it not being next door to my house, I’m hard-pressed to find any downside
2.
3.
4.
5.

www.cempazuchi.com

First Boozy Shakes Of The Summer – Minneapolis, MN

A bunch of thought we’d get together and celebrate Minnesota’s passing of the Same-Sex Marriage Bill – something our awesome friends feel quite strongly about. People were encouraged to bring their favorite booze and favorite milkshake toppings/ingredients to a little outdoor grill party session our friend Marg-a-que was hosting.

I thought I should keep mine simple. I threw a little Cherry Pie liqueur in with some vanilla ice cream and dumped in a metric crap-ton of rainbow nerds (the official nerd of the marriage amendment, obviously).

Threw in some ice cream and milk and hit GO on the blender. It was awesomely delicious.

…

And so was the second one…

I was witness to some of the most awful combinatinos of thigns I think I have ever seen at this event, however. Bourbon-caramel-fudge-cloves-sea salt may or may not have been made, among other monstrocities. I'm glad I kept it tame.


Cheers to you, Minnesota! I’m anxiously awaiting some fabulous weddings in the near future.
 

Las Mojarras – Minneapolis, MN

Some friends were having a double birthday party and thought they’d invite everyone they know to go out to dinner and then some drinks. Of course I was in, especially when I found out it was a place I hadn’t been before. Despite Las Mojarras being a small village in Argentina, Las Mojarras was like no Mexican restaurant I’ve ever been to. It’s a one-stop-shop for all your banquet/wedding/dining needs. Even before I get to the food, I’ll explain what this place has going on – it’s a lot.

First off, there is a dining room – pretty standard for a restaurant, I suppose. It’s straight forward, but there are some televisions and a SERIOUS sound system for karaoke. Which is a pretty big deal at Las Mojarras.

Then there’s a larger dining space with room to move long tables around in a banquet-style reception area. This was where we were seated. I’m not sure who booked the room, but when we told them there would be 20+ people, they pulled out all the stops. They put white seat covers on all the chairs and bows and table settings and fancy napkins. They were quite serious about us having a professional experience at their place. In fact, we were all pretty impressed. I had hoped no one told them it was a small wedding or something inaccurate. Just a nice birthday party.

Then there’s a serious bar. Plenty of tequilas and Mexican beers for us to drink. And they do make a strong margarita. I forgot to take a photo of the giant fish tank, but believe me, you can’t miss it.

Ok, enough with the standard restaurant-y things.

There’s a small stage – we’re not sure if it’s for puppet shows for the kids or dramatic renderings of community theater. But it’s there.

In the back of the place, there’s a Frida Kahlo-themed hair salon. Yes, I said hair salon. It looks like they’re doing some renovations in that area, but I’m sure it will be open soon.

There’s a huge glassed-off enclosure that I can only explain as a display case for potential wedding setups. There are multiple full size tables set up with place settings and fine china with bolts and bolts of different cloth patterns and colors. Different candelabras and table centerpieces, and tons of other things you might need for a large banquet. All set up for you to sit down and see if you enjoy it. And all hermetically sealed and cordoned off. Now we know why we got the royal table treatment for our riff-raff group.

And the Pièce de résistance: the Virgin Mary Breathalyzer. You read that correctly. It will cost you a dollar (in quarters), and you’ll need your own straw. But since they mix their drinks strong here, I’m guessing people utilize this machine more than you might think. Absolutely awesome. Both Mary and the Breathalyzer are fully functional.

Now I’ll get to the food.

The chips and salsa were better than average. Pretty good (and mild) salsa and thick cut tortilla chips with just enough salt. I was happy with this, even though we didn’t have a very quick turnaround on the refills of these. We were sitting and looking at empty bowls much more than we were eating chips. Bummer.

The menu is about average (both in number of items and prices). There were a lot of seafood dishes – which makes sense since Mojarras are fish – and plenty of other things for non-seafood eaters. I found a few things I wanted and finally decided on a Chimichanga. Normally, I want something more adventurous than this bastardized American version of a burrito, but it still rang a bell in my head and eventually won out.

I know we were a large group, but I didn’t think it was large enough to warrant the time it took to serve us. We were served individually over the space of about 35-40 minutes. No lie. The person next to me was half way done with hers before mine entrée came out. The person across from me was the last one served and everyone had finished eating. Some of us sat around after other people had left since he was still eating his dish. A LONG time to wait (especially without chips being refilled to snack on in the meantime.

The food was generous – very large portions. My chimichanga was one of the largest I’ve had around here and was decent. The chopped beef on the inside was cooked, but didn’t seem to be seasoned very well. It was fine, but I thought there would be more. A few of us asked for more salsa (since it wasn’t being refilled at the tables) so we could add some dimension of flavor that was missing. It wasn’t BAD or anything, it just was a little bland – even by Minnesotan standards. I was kind of bored with my dish about ¾ of the way through, but I kept eating since the guy across from me was eating by himself at that point. Solidarity, my man. The rice and beans and guacamole were all just ok. Maybe I should have gotten something more adventurous. I’m not sure if I can chalk this one up to ordering error or not. Maybe.

And on the speed front, it took us over 25 minutes to pay for our meals. I’m not sure if it was a computer oddity, but we had to pay in order of placing our order. If you ordered last, you had to wait for everyone else to pay first. I’m not sure why, since we all had separate checks in our hands, but that’s just how it happened. So the server would grab our bill and credit card/cash, go in back and ring it up, and walk back out a few minutes later. There were 20 of us and it took forever. Sorry to complain about this – I usually don’t, but there were a lot of comments about it from everyone. Thankfully, we had the awesomeness of the main dining room karaoke to tide us over while we waited.

Average food and slow service remind me I have a ton of other Mexican restaurants to try before I head back here. Based on some other reviews, this might not be an unusual experience.

Top 5 things about Las Mojarres
1. Atmosphere – this place has it
2. Chips and salsa
3. Drinks were strong
4. Sooooo much awesome in one building – Breathalyzer Mary, salon, wedding display case, etc.
5. Staff were very nice

Bottom 5 things
1. Speed of service
2. Chimichanga was bland, as were a few other people’s dishes
3. Billing issues
4. We sat there long enough waiting to pay that no one even needed to use the Breathalyzer
5. There were some portion discrepancies at the bar with the size of comparable drinks. Some people got smaller glasses – visibly – and paid the same amount

Las Mojarres
1501 E. Lake Street
Minneapolis, MN 55407

Los Jarritos – Moline, IL

When I go back to my hometown to visit my family, I try to get people together in one place so I don’t have to run all over and see people all over town. I can see them all in one spot. I got a recommendation from my friend Rafael to go to this new Mexican restaurant in Moline called Los Jarritos. I called them ahead of time and warned them that approximately 25 people had RSVP’d and to make sure they could fit that many. Thankfully, they could.
It’s a very non-descript exterior, but it’s easy to find, since it appears to be one of the only things open on the block. There’s a small sign out front indicating the name of the place and also that it’s now open, so I knew we had found it. Inside, the walls are painted bright colors, the tablecloths are brightly colored and everything looks new and shiny. I found my group of people and grabbed a spot for D.Rough and I to sit.
I went through the menu to find something eat. They had much more than most Mexican places I’ve been to. Delicious sounding dishes – some traditional and some a little out of the box. They have tacos, burritos, and tostadas, but also Tortas (sandwiches) soups, and regional entrees. Even though I had a couple of dishes in mind when I got here, I changed my mind approximately 30 times while looking at the menu. I finally decided on Albondigas, which are meatballs in a sauce with a helping of rice, and served with your choice of corn or flour tortillas. I also ordered a cheese crisp, since this is something our area is known for.

We tried to order margaritas, but the restaurant’s liquor license hadn’t gone through yet, so we were apologetically told they didn’t have anything. They mentioned you could bring in your own if you wanted to. So a couple of guys immediately got up and walked a block or two to Bent River Brewery to get growlers of microbrew for themselves. Excellent idea until this place is allowed to serve drinks.

There are chips and salsa out on the table, and Los Jarritos gave a good showing of flavor and spice level for the meal starter. Not too spicy, but lots of flavor. I was a fan so far.
The cheese crisp arrived and D.Rough stole my first bite. I was distracted by a conversation and she wanted to check it out. She liked it a lot more than some others we’ve had in the Quad Cities. Once I got my first few bites, I agreed. It wasn’t as greasy and the homemade shells really made the difference. Great tasting and very simple dish. It’s melted cheese on a fried flour tortilla.
The Albondigas came out shortly after and I was surprised to see only two meatballs on the plate. In fact, D.Rough made a comment about it looking like they forgot the spaghetti on my plate. The sausage balls were sitting in a shallow pool of some red sauce that smelled delicious. I cut up the meatballs into smaller chunks and began building my tortilla with the rice, sauce, and meat. It was fantastic. The meat had tons of flavor and the sauce had already begun to sink into the balls. With the extra sauce on the tortilla, it was perfectly tasty and made me want more. I had ordered corn tortillas, and you could definitely taste the corn flavor, even among all the other strong flavors of the meat and sauce. I’ve had Albondigas soup before at another restaurant, so I’m definitely familiar with the Mexican meatballs, but this dish blew the soup out of the water – it was a fantastic dish and I’d highly recommend it. I didn’t think two meatballs would be enough, but they are large enough to be plenty of food to make three or four normal sized tortilla wraps without skimping.

The servers were absolutely fantastic with our group. I know groups this large can be quite unwieldy, especially for a brand new restaurant, but they handled us like a champ and were very personable and friendly with us. I thanked them afterwards for being so gracious and courteous. I also told them I would recommend them to as many people as possible – so that’s what I’m doing. Please go here – it’s very worth it.

Top 5 things about Los Jarritos
1. Albondigas
2. Cheese crisp
3. Wonderful staff
4. They have Dew!
5. Very comprehensive menu of delicious-sounding food

Bottom 5 things
1. No alcohol license as of Thanksgiving – but that will change (BYOB isn’t a bad idea, however)
2. Lots of spelling errors on the menu – they’re new so they’ll work the bugs out, I’m sure.
3. It isn’t well lit on the outside, so it almost doesn’t look open, but it IS
4. Nothing else bad to report
5.

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Los-Jarritos-Comida-Mexicana

Britney Spears in Concert – St. Paul, MN

D.Rough and I saw a Groupon for cheap Britney Spears tickets. I think it’s pretty clear to most people I’m not a fan of her music. However, I love going to live events and huge concerts, so I said I’d absolutely go with her (and pay) if she wanted to go see Britney. D.Rough is kind of a closet fan of Britney, so she said she’d love it. We called a couple people and after people laughed at us and asked us if we were serious, the dust settled and the only other people that would go were HotGirlsBrother and one of his friends, Formica.

As I said, I’m not a huge fan, so this was likely to require some serious alcohol to raise the entertainment factor of seeing a woman who used to sing to teens, sing to now-grown-ups with less enthusiasm than a root canal patient. Especially when I don’t know the words to her songs. Any of them. ...A LOT of alcohol.

To make a long story short, the concert was fun. I got to yell a lot and got to see fire and sparks and ninjas and Barbie cars and giant guitars and lasers and confetti and angel wings and flying people. The energy level was pretty low on stage, but weirdly, the crowd energy was extremely high. There were tons of people dressed in whore-y clothes thy wouldn’t let their own teen kids wear and a lot of large people packed into clothes that used to fit (Used to fit a GapKids mannequin maybe…) We took photos of them and pointed and laughed. Overall, I had a blast, but mainly because the people I was with are amazing friends and are fun people anyway. Score for me!

What follows is the transcript of my posts on Facebook and Twitter. I normally don’t do this, but I feel this sums up most of the night, as it progressed (or digressed, as the case may be). Mom, if you’re reading this, no, I’m not an alcoholic – I just appreciate lip synching and corny dancing without a live band MUCH better with alcohol.

Getting lubricated for Britney

The shots just lubricated the path for the margaritas. Safety first!

Hands in! It’s drinkin time! (Don’t worry. Jim is driving.)(That's Pear vodka, Mt. Dew-flavored vodka, and Hennesey Cognac)

Wait. NOW it is drinkin’ time!

Derby flask full of Grey Goose vodka. We are serious.

Cran Dude. It’s go time.

Strawberries and wine. It’s gonna be a good night.

Stroh is like evaporating fire candy breath strips. Wurd. (thank you, Apron).

Since it’s Britney, it’s white trash drinkin’ time. For serious. Princess Madd-Dogg 20/20. Happy birthday, PMD!

First place we go when we get to the Xcel Energy Center? The bar.

D.Runk group photos!!!!!

Pretzel. Brat. Nachos. CHECK!



Capacity whores!!!!

Who doesn’t love nachos at Britney????

A Barbie car with breakdancers!!! It’s a wonder of nature!!! More drinks!!!!

Fire. And ninjas. And lasers. And wings. And confetti. What do I look at?!?!?

After-Britney drinks!!!

D.Rough comparing my facial hair to the photo of the guy with the sweet mustache.

Post-Britney sliders.

Tweets from the night. You MIGHT sense a theme running through here...(Here's what Formica and I look like when we tweet)

DRoughQuote: It’s whores and gay guys! Oh and you and Jim. You’re a combination of both.

DRoughQuote: Smells like a thrift store in here. Titter THAT!

JimQuote: We’re fighting against the whore tide right now

ChaoQuote: Handicap whore handicap whore. Wait. It autocorrected to handicapped white.

DRoughQuotes: If I had stage parents, I totally could have been famous!

ChaoQuote: The best photobomb is where you clothesline five whores!

NickyQuote: We should have just got a whore-tel for the night

NickyQuote: Whorses.