First Boozy Shakes Of The Summer – Minneapolis, MN

A bunch of thought we’d get together and celebrate Minnesota’s passing of the Same-Sex Marriage Bill – something our awesome friends feel quite strongly about. People were encouraged to bring their favorite booze and favorite milkshake toppings/ingredients to a little outdoor grill party session our friend Marg-a-que was hosting.

I thought I should keep mine simple. I threw a little Cherry Pie liqueur in with some vanilla ice cream and dumped in a metric crap-ton of rainbow nerds (the official nerd of the marriage amendment, obviously).

Threw in some ice cream and milk and hit GO on the blender. It was awesomely delicious.

…

And so was the second one…

I was witness to some of the most awful combinatinos of thigns I think I have ever seen at this event, however. Bourbon-caramel-fudge-cloves-sea salt may or may not have been made, among other monstrocities. I'm glad I kept it tame.


Cheers to you, Minnesota! I’m anxiously awaiting some fabulous weddings in the near future.
 

American Burger Bar – St. Paul, MN

Last week, I got talked out of having a burger for lunch, but I was still craving one when I got home. D.Rough had been talking about going to this American Burger Bar in downtown St. Paul, so we decided we needed to go there to cure my craving. I’m super glad we did.

The inside of this place is old school. Like mobster/gangster old school. Dark wood, dark carpet, red leather booths, and small alcoves with velvet curtains where you can have some privacy to whack people who haven’t paid up. Super awesome, even with the lighting super bright. Apparently, this place hasn’t changed much since the prohibition days, and I’m glad for it. It also used to be Matty B’s which was kind of a guys hangout for steaks and cigars and such but I’m glad it got a new lease on life with this new concept.

The concept is burgers. They have other things, but there’ not any point in getting anything else, when they have perfected burgers. Everything on the menu is amazing-sounding and it’s very difficult to decide what you want here. We asked a lot of questions of our waitress, but she stayed with us and made sure we got what we needed.

I needed a DRINK was what I needed. I ordered a Reno Rottweiler – Kahlua, vanilla vodka, cream, and root beer. D.Rough also needed a drink, so she went with the Ab Pear – Absolut Pear, pineapple, and a splash of sour. The drinks came out in plenty of time while we struggled with narrowing it down. Rottweiler was top notch. I will get this again and probably make a pitcher of these at home.


We also talked ourselves out of an appetizer, since we knew we’d be eating plenty. They all sounded awesome though. Next time, maybe.

The restaurant puts flags next to their house specialty burgers, which made me laugh considering the burger I had my eye on was called “South of the Border”. It just made me laugh. Sorry. D.Rough built her own burger with Angus Beef (not the awesome men’s roller derby skater we love), caramelized onions, blue cheese, and jalapeno bacon. Well played, D.Rough! We also had trouble deciding on the fry situation. I’m not usually a fry guy unless there’s something special about them. We asked the waitress about them, since the menu has sweet potato fries, truffle-parmesan fries, and onions rings for an upcharge. She talked us into truffle fries and I wanted onions rings with mine.

The food didn’t take long to arrive. I snapped a couple of photos of these awesome things and jumped right in. I wish it wasn’t so dark in there, so you could really saw how large and awesome constructed these burgers were. Since I didn’t explain what the South of the Border burger was, I’ll do it now. Black Angus topped with a Chorizo patty, jalapeno bacon, pepperjack cheese, onions, button mushrooms, spicy salsa, and guacamole on a ciabatta bun. This burger ruled on 13 levels and 5 continents. Holy crap was it good. It had a little bit of spice to it, nice guac flavor and was perfectly cooked to medium This thing was awesome. Aside from the burger, the onion rings were ginormous and tasty! Beer battered to perfection and easy for a 5-year old to pull the onions out to eat just the fried part – yup, I do that.

D.Rough’s burger was also fantastic. Plenty of blue cheese flavor and a little bit of zing from the jalapeno bacon. But the best part of hers was the incredible truffle-parmesan fries. They were very addicting and it was a struggle to share them – on both sides. Really, if you get these, don’t plan to share them.

Overall, this was a fantastic meal and completely satisfied my burger craving. Next time, I'll get a milkshake though! We know we’ll be back here to try a bunch of their other burgers. They have two happy hours here, including a late night happy hour after 10:30pm. The burgers are pretty pricey here (but worth it), so if you’re on a budget due to Christmas shopping sprees, show up after 10:30. You won’t be sorry.

Top 5 things about The American Burger Bar
1. South of the Border Burger
2. Truffle-Parmesan Fries
3. Build Your Own Burger
4. Reno Rottweiler
5. Super old-school swank (and amazing menu)

Bottom 5 things
1. It’s pricey for a burger place
2. We saw a guy with a girl he had clearly rented for the night go into the restroom together…
3. The place was deserted when we left – I hope it’s doing well so I can keep going back!
4. Ab Pear wasn’t all that awesome, frankly.
5. D.Rough’s martini glass had a vagina

www.americanburgerbar.com

Tracy’s – Minneapolis, MN (Seward district)

When I get to class early, I like to go for a bite to eat before sitting through a 3.5 hour lecture. Today, there was almost no traffic to speak of and I wanted to try someplace I hadn’t been. I had been told Tracy’s had decent bar food and also a great Sunday brunch, so I popped in and checked it out.

It’s a pretty slick bar with a good sized seating area in one half of the room. There were a couple of tables filled with college kids drinking beers and eating burgers (and some studying – nerds). I grabbed a seat at the bar and got a menu from the trainee waitress. I skimmed it pretty quickly, but I was in the mood for a burger, so it wasn’t long before I found the one I wanted – the Augsburger (named so due to the restaurant’s proximity to Augsburg College). It was a pretty significant sounding burger and I was up for the challenge.

There were actually a whole bunch of things on the menu that sounded good to me. They have a brilliant appetizer called Totchos – basically nachos but on tater tots instead of chips… The Pork & Chicken Platter (bacon wrapped chicken and ham terrine with a Kramarczuk’s polish dog, pickled egg and other stuff; or Summit-battered things (which they refer to as Midwest-tempura). There are also larger entrée-style meals and some salad-y things – Red Curry & Lemon Rice or Wild Boar Shepherd’s Pie. The menu is bigger than you might imagine. I went with the Augsburger – as planned – and then replaced the fries with tots, since the tatchos had put the idea in my head. I also ordered a Strongbow, which I don’t normally do before class, but it sounded right.

I waited a reasonable amount of time (getting worried about missing class made it more harrowing than it probably was) and the food came out. I was right, this buirger was substantial. Really substantial. I knew the burger would be difficult to eat, so I tackled most of the tots first. They had some sort of awesome seasoning on them that made them extra delicious. I like a little seasoning on my tots and these were some of the better ones. Really happy with them. The burger was also amazing.

The burger has two beef patties on it, two slices of cheese, BBQ sauce, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and mayo. Like I said, it’s serious. It’s also delicious. The meat itself was a tad dry, but the amazing toppings made up for it. I won’t complain at all about the dryness if it tastes this good. Not in the top 5 burgers of all time, but maybe in the top 5 most filling. I was stuffed and it didn’t help that I was wolfing it down to make it to class on time. Which wasn’t even that important since I slept through most of the first half of class – mmmm…… food coma……

Top 5 things about Stacy’s Saloon
1. Tots
2. Augsburger
3. Super nice staff (and great job, trainee girl with librarian glasses!)
4. Strongbow should always be in the top 5 of every list
5. It’s not a divey bar, but just super comfortable and homey

Bottom 5 things
1. Meat patties were a tiny bit dry
2. Some shifty activity happening in the parking lot out back
3. I really wanted to try like 10 things on the menu (probably not a bad thing, huh?)
4. Not super fast – for those of us who have to rush to get some book learnin’
5. I didn’t notice the dessert menu until I looked up the menu online: Cookies & Cream, Real Ice Cream Malts, Chocolate Brownies, Smores, & Floats. And apparently, this isn’t the FULL dessert menu! (Class could have waited just a bit longer for me, I think…)

www.tracyssaloon.com

Burger Jones – Minneapolis, MN

When TheDoctor calls for lunch, I find it difficult to pass up, which is why we’ve done lunch twice this week (so far). My lunch plans with KingDavid had just been canceled like 2 minutes before he called, so I jumped at the chance to eat copious amounts of food with TheDoctor, especially when he told me he had a hankering for burgers. I suggested Burger Jones since our friends BloodCar and EyeHeartPizza had raved about it.

I got there a little early, since I was so excited about lunch. I checked out the menu and ordered the Tri-Fry Tower – hand-cut russet fries, maple-bacon sweet potato fries, and parmesan waffle fries with three different dipping sauces – seasoned sour cream, bourbon BBQ, and Chipotle Aioli. I figured TheDoctor would sit down and be able to start shoveling food into his mouth. I heard he’s a fan of that. I checked out the drink menu and had ordered a strawberry shake. I flipped over the menu and saw a bunch of wildly delicious-looking shakes I missed during the first pass. I called the waiter back and asked if it was too late to change my shake order. I needed the Revenge of the Nerds shake – vanilla milkshake with Cruzan Raspberry Rum, strawberry, vanilla and LOTS of Nerds. Seriously, it’s like this place was made specifically for me.

TheDoctor showed up finally and took a look at the menu as well. I warned him there were fries coming, so not to concern himself with that. We both found a couple of things we liked and decided we’d just order two burgers and cut them into halves. I love it when a plan comes together. I decided to go with the White Trash Burger – chicken-fried bacon, fried cheese curds, and velveeta. TheDoctor got the Green Chile Cheeseburger – spicy green chile salsa, pepperjack, and a giant onion ring. I ask again, was this place made specifically for me? I think yes.

There’s also a small tab clipped to the menu for a lunch deal they’re running called the BJ Nooner – Yes, I think they know what they’ve put on paper there, if you’re wondering. It’s a cheeseburger and fries for $7.99 M-F 11-3. Decent special. And the name is hilarious.

The fries came out on what looks like some sort of metal sacrificial altar. They were delicious, honestly. Even the regular fries were pretty good, but the maple bacon sweet potato fries and the parmesan waffle friea were equally good. I wish the sweet potato fries were a little more bacon-y, but you can’t have everything. They were fantastic, especially with the dipping sauces. I’m not always a dipping sauce kind of guy, but all three of these were fantastic. Well played, Burger Jones. And what the hell happened off-camera that TheDoctor is so horrified at? You’ll never know…

The shake was delicious. I’m still a little weird about mixing alcohol with milkshakes (and believe me, I’ve tried dozens of times), but this was pretty good, especially with the nerds thrown in. Just a faint hint of strawberry/raspberry in it, and occasionally, you’d suck a nerd through the straw too hard and it would hit the back of your skull like a bullet, but whatever. It was a great lunch girly drink.


The burgers came out and we were both impressed with them. The patties themselves seemed a little small, but I think there were enough toppings on there to make both of us happy. And looking at the photos now, the patties were NOT small, there must have been a boatload of toppings and illusionary stuff going on. Seriously – chicken-fried bacon and cheese curds on a burger? Brilliant. I got a little photo happy, since I was pretty excited about these burgers.

Here's both burgers together, cross-sectional-style:

I even got a photo of TheDoctor forgoing all tact and couth and putting them both together and taking one giant bite.

The chicken-fried bacon was stellar, as were the cheese curds. Even the Velveeta cheese was an addition (it isn’t usually) to the flavor of this thing. Great burger flavor and great toppings. The green chile cheeseburger took the crown though. It was seriously awesome. I was even able to extract the entire onion out of the onion ring while still on the burger. That move right there made the burger officially perfect. The green chile wasn’t that spicy, but was great with the pepperjack. And now I’m going to have to listen to TheDoctor remind me that he should order for me from now on, since I always like his food better. Maybe next time, I’ll let that happen. He does have a pretty good track record for one of my heterosexual friends (supposedly).

If you get a chance, go here. I think you’ll find a few different things you’ll like and you’ll probably recommend it to as many people as I’m going to. I was very happy with it. Awesome waiter, huge beer list with some girly beers for people like me, and some awesome girly fun drinks.

They have cloth napkins, so I can take Trash there for dinner.

Top 5 things about Burger Jones
1. Green Chile Cheeseburger
2. White Trash Burger
3. Tri-Fry Tower (and dipping sauces)
4. Revenge of the Nerds shake
5. Really good staff

Bottom 5 things
1. The place isn’t cheap, but then again, I didn’t eat a tiny bit of food…
2. You can’t get alcoholic shakes to go. Sadface
3. Eating here reminded me of my awesome roommate EyeHeartPizza before she moved back to Denver
4. There are no more bad things!!!
5.

www.burgerjones.com

Wally’s Roast Beef – Bloomington, MN

I got to work this morning and had two e-mails from DawgMan. Both of them were potential lunch suggestions. There’s nothing like being hungry for lunch at 8am on a workday. Both places sounded fantastic, but we decided to go to Wally’s first. Wally’s has been in this small strip mall in Bloomington long enough that the window reads “air-conditioned kitchenette.” That’s a phrase from long before I was born, so I’m assuming it’s been there a while.

DawgMan, PageantLady, and I piled in the car and headed a long way down I-494 to Bloomington. I LOVE lunch-time road trips. The menu, for being small, has a decent variety of diner-type foods. Hamburgers, meatloaf, fried things, milkshakes, etc. They have a blue plate special, as well as a red plate and a green plate. I asked what they were and found out the red plate special is meatloaf with mashed potatoes covered with gravy, the green plate is a turkey sandwich with mashed potatoes covered with gravy, and the blue plate special was a roast beef sandwich with mashed potatoes covered with gravy. Seriously? Why didn’t I know about this place last year – 2008 was the Year of Gravy.

I went with the Blue Plate Special, but only a half sandwich, so I could also get the special of the day – a grilled ham and cheese sandwich. My friend Coach gets very angry with me when I go someplace and don’t order whatever food is clearly listed in the title – I HAD to get roast beef or listen to him yell at how I was flying in the face of years of tradition which led the restaurant to incorporate roast beef in their actual name. I also noticed they had sodas in a cooler behind the counter, so I got a strawberry soda. It was a Buddy’s soda from the New Ulm Brewing and Beverage Company and was REALLY tasty. I had to use the old timey coca-cola bottle opener on the side of the counter to open it. Old school.

The girl brought my food out to me and it looked really good. The Blue Plate Special (which was actually on a blue plate) more so than the tin foil wrapped ham and cheese sandwich.

The roast beef sandwich was REALLY good, especially with the mashed potatoes and gravy mixed in there in each bite. Seriously, this might be better than grandma used to make. The mashed potatoes has skins in them, which I love (some people don’t like what’s referred to as “bugs in a snowstorm” – those people are morons), and were really tasty with the beef gravy all over. The meat was very juicy and tender with just a little bit of fat in it. There was a small cup of corn niblets on the plate too, which were very buttery and tasty. I resisted the urge to dump everything into one big tasty slop pile because I was with grown-ups, but the more flavors I got on the fork, the better the bite. Awesome dish.

The grilled ham and cheese was just ok. It appeared PageantLady also felt the same way about it. It was on a hamburger bun and was decent, but honestly, the American cheese had some weird consistency and just wasn’t what I thought I was getting. I thought I was getting a grilled cheese sandwich with some ham on it. So naturally, it’s probably my own fault for thinking I was getting something else. Oh well, you can’t win them all.

Over all, the blue plate special made up for any lacking in the grilled ham and cheese department. In fact, I saw a lot of people in the restaurant eating this, so I’m guessing this is the dish that keeps this place on the map. And both PageantLady and I thought we should get milkshakes, but we decided that too late when we were full. Next time, for sure though. Go ahead, try Wally’s. It’s good rib-stickin food.

Top 5 things about Wally’s Roast Beef
1. Blue Plate Special – Roast Beef really IS their specialty
2. Buddy’s strawberry soda
3. It was really fast
4. Not expensive for lunch
5. It’s a WIDE variety of people eating here. Suits to tattoos to construction guys to golfers.

Bottom 5 things
1. DawgMan picked another winner and Gerd isn’t here to appreciate it. DawgMan was like a Angel of Culinary Mercy in Gerd’s eyes.
2. Grilled ham and cheese sandwich was just meh
3. Forgot to order a shake and NOW I’m craving one
4. Parking can be a pain, especially if someone pulls a giant construction rig behind your car when you’re leaving
5. Now I’m thinking about what ELSE I could get there and have them put gravy on it. It’s going to be a long afternoon at work…

Italy Vacation (Day 2) – May 8, 2009

I woke up to hammering and power tools… remember that scaffolding I mentioned? Oh well, I guess I had to get up anyway, right? It was 10am after all. Ha ha. I took a quick shower since I knew I’d be getting sweaty today. I would be hiking the villages of the Cinque Terre. Each of the five small towns is connected with a hiking trail. Total time to hike from village one (Riomaggiore) to village five (Monterosso): about 4-ish hours at a decent pace.

Here’s some background. The last time I hiked this trail with Belcher, we had planned to hike to Monterosso, grab lunch, and hike back. By the time we got there, we were absolutely shot, and decided there was no way we could hike back, so we took a boat. Really glad we took the boat. It’s a pretty grueling hike on a good day. It breaks down like this:

• Riomaggiore to Manarola: Easiest part of the hike. Paved walkway (stroller and wheel chair friendly). About 20 minutes.
• Manarola to Corniglia: Dirt walkway, sometimes wooden handrails between you and a 200 foot drop, and some elevation changes. Little bit longer maybe - 45 minutes.
• Corniglia to Vernazza: One of the most brutal portions of the hike due to rock climbing (serious elevation changes) and treacherous footing. Lots of up and down and it’s a long hike. Beautiful view, but long.
• Vernazza to Monterosso: We’ll call this Stairmaster 8,000,000. Steps (some natural rock, some human-made), and steps, and steps all over the side of the hillside.

I slopped on considerable sunscreen, since I’m a delicate Viking, and wanted to be able to function on subsequent vacation days. I went to the trailhead and bought my Park Pass (it’s a regulated park so it costs like $4 to get in or something totally worth paying). I was feeling good. In fact, I was going to try to hike there and back and beat the Cinque Terre.




(Mullet kid - ha ha ha ha)













I was on a mission, so I didn’t do much dawdling in the towns as I blazed through them. Seriously, I just plowed through. Ran into Robin and Pat (from the previous evening’s dinner) outside of Manarola. They mentioned one of the paths was washed out and temporarily closed and you have to take the “advanced” or “high” path after Corniglia. Advanced, you say? More than the regular? Uh-oh…

Sure enough, just outside of Corniglia, the trailhead rangers have the path roped off and send you up a winding (but paved) road to the ridge of the hill to meet up with the “advanced” hiking trail. Also, to get to Corniglia, you have to climb about 3000 stairs in switchback formation to get from the path to the village up on the top of the hill. So my legs were already beginning the fun burning sensation when I got to the closed path.
(These old ladies took their shirts off and hiked in their bras because it was getting really warm out)

Well, the road is all uphill and winding around the hillside, so I’d estimate it adds another mile or 1.5 miles to the section of hiking path.









At the top, the advanced path appears and you trudge through sticker-y brush and start heading down the mountainside. When I mean down, I mean seriously downhill. At some points, you just lean back and hope to stop sliding. In addition, there are hundreds of stairs, so that burning feeling never left.



Eventually, the advanced path drops you onto the regular path. And which part of the regular path washed out? The easy part. So I’m stuck with finishing this leg of the path on the extreme elevation and treacherous footing part. Excellent. But I made it.

I got to Vernazza and grabbed some more water to drink.










Then I got stuck behind a group of 30 hot moms with walking sticks and backpacks taking over the whole trail. They were the slowest group ever. Walking two-wide and stopping to take photos. Wow. Have some consideration. This section of the hike is all stairs. Up and down and up and down. Brutal on the legs. When I got close to Monterosso, I ran into Robin and Pat again! How did they beat me here!!!??? They cheated by hopping a train to Monterosso and were hiking back to Vernazza. We stood and chatted for a bit. I told them I planned to grab a bite and head back this afternoon. They just laughed at me. Loudly. And I don’t even think they saw my legs shaking – visibly shaking. I said I might change my mind once I get to Monterosso, but I still “planned” to do it. Pat told me there were like 10,000 steps they had just come up and they’d be surprised if it happened. 10,000 you say? Hmmm, that’s not so bad, rght? Well, the 10,000 might be ok if it were normal standard and consistently tall stairs – which these were not.
I made it to Monteroso and it was as beautiful as I remember.


I grabbed a slice of bianca pizza (white pizza – without tomato sauce) and some more water. Went to the beach and watched some kids play soccer in a net/cage (which I referred to as Thunderdome (it really sucks being hilarious on vacation alone… ha ha ha).


Took a few photos of beach people and slathered on more sunscreen.
It was at this point when I realized how bad my legs were shaking. In fact, not just shaking, but spasming. But only when I stopped. So since I have multiple degrees in a variety of subjects (not including anything medical), I deduced that they wouldn’t spasm if I kept moving. I’ll remind you, I’m not a doctor, despite my middle initials being M.D…

Remember those stairs? NordicTrack nor Stairmaster has launched a Cinque Terre model of stair climber because people would sue them. Already wondering if this was a bad idea. I eventually made it (albeit much slower this direction) to Vernazza. Should I take the train back to Riomaggiore? Nah. I grabbed some water and hit the trail again. Oh yeah, this was the brutal section of the regular trail! And then, I realized all that sliding downhill I did earlier, I would now have to climb. Crap. Really bad idea, Einstein. Why didn’t I think of this when I was near the train station? So I scaled the heights as best I could, stopping (and I’m dead serious) probably 30-40 times to catch my breath and drink water. Fortunately, tears and sweat look the same. I had to pep talk myself multiple times into continuing and not hoping a medical helicopter would fly overhead. Oh, so THIS is what they meant by “advanced!” when I got to the top of path, I met the paved road and discovered I had some serious “jimmy legs” – whether I was stopped or not. I took this photo, so you could visualize the moment.

I started down the winding paved roadway like a combination of Sloth (from the Goonies) and Lon Chaney as the mummy. Originally, I was worried about running out of daylight. Now, I was hoping I would run out of daylight before collapsing in the road. I made it to the town of Corniglia and remembered the hundreds of switchback stairs I would have to take to even get to the train station. Either way, I would be climbing down stairs. When I got to the bottom, I did some (sun, pain, and delirium-induced) calculations and figured, if I was this close to Manarola, I might as well keep going, right? It was more flat in these sections than the others. I kept going, like a fool. And of course there were WAAAAY more steps than I remembered the first time!!!

When I got to Manorola, it was nearing dinner time for the Americans and the path goes right past all these fancier restaurants. So here I was dragging multiple parts of my body through the dust past people with cloth napkins and fancy wine. I’m sure it was a great show for those jerks. Ha ha ha. Actually, I’m sure I would have laughed too… Then, I was home free to Riomaggiore. I even stopped at the kissing bench to take a photo for Lo-Vee back in Minneapolis.

Once I got there, I remembered the 31 steps leading up to my room. And they left their impression on me as well. I made it up them, and then went and stood in the shower for about an hour.

I was starving, so I went back down the stairs (remember, 31 of them) to the nearest restaurant. La Grotta it would have to be. Fortunately, they had room for one and the food on people’s plates looked great. I sat down and ordered a half bottle of the Cinque Terre white from Tobiolo (2008 with grapes from Manorola). Crisp light and not terribly sweet. I ordered Trennete, a linguini-type noodle with pesto and potatoes (a local specialty). It was extremely good and fit the wine very well.

I ordered a second course of Cima di manzo ripiena - beef stuffed with cheese and vegetables (also a local specialty). This was an amazing meal, and I know Gerd would have loved it because we loved to work other foods directly into other non-related meat dishes.

I polished off the wine and ordered another glass of Sciacchetrà (I really like this super sweet dessert wine). The waiter thought I was done and then I ordered another glass of limoncino. I needed a couple drinks to numb the pain.

And of course, I couldn’t just bail out on my friend, gelato! I walked (slowly) up the street to the gelateria and scored some smarena, amaretto, and stracciatella (chocolate swirl).

I went back to my apartment and called MO to tell her I was likely going to be crippled tomorrow when we met at the airport. And of course, I would be the only blonde guy for miles. I also talked to my nephew, the Delivery Boy, at length about a trip to San Anotnio. I wonder how much THAT call will cost. I totally cashed out on the bed with my clothes on. I was done for. I didn’t know until the next morning just how done I would be…

Top 5 things about Day 2
1. Most beautiful landscape in the world on this hike
2. I didn’t get sunburned
3. It’s good to get out and hike for your health (not your physical destruction)
4. Perfect weather for hiking – nice breeze and sunshine
5. Gerd would have hated (and simply not done) 95% of this hike, and I would have had to do it alone anyway

Bottom 5 things
1. Most brutal hike ever
2. There is no snooze button for power tools in the morning
3. Stairmaster 8,000,000
4. 31 stairs to my room
5. I now know how Christopher Reeve feels (I know it’s inappropriate, but you know you chuckled)