Niagara Falls, Canada

We had some free time after the roller derby tournament finished for the day, so we thought we’d go check out Canada. We needed some poutine, after all. D.Rough, Scar, A-Wow, DorkyBarb, Shug, Rita, and I ran for the border.

Getting to the border wasn’t a problem at all. Intimidating, but not a problem. In fact, the walk across the Rainbow Bridge is pretty lovely (and much quicker than driving). And you can get pretty awesome photos of the falls from the bridge, as well. However, once you got to the Canadian border patrol, the officer working the counter yelled at us for being too loud and then refused to stamp our passports to prove we went there. The guy went way past being “not friendly” and I’m glad none of us ran our mouths to the guy – it’s been known to happen.

 

Our first stop was at Pizza Pizza. You’d think it was a Little Caesar’s pizza place, but it isn’t. It’s more of a pizza and snack shop. We heard the poutine was pretty good, so we grabbed a couple of orders for all of us to split. It honestly was really good. Everything was good – gravy, fries, and curds. There were a few mumblings that it was better than the stuff we got at the Minnesota State Fair, but I won’t mention which people said that. If you get a chance, it’s probably worth grabbing some poutine there. And maybe singing some metric karaoke outdoors while being video’d.

Since Niagara Falls (both sides of the river) has wax museums every block – I’m not kidding – we thought we’d better hit one. We went to the Criminals Hall of Fame. Pretty amusing, but nothing to write home about. A couple of interesting facts, as well as a sign that says something about these people NOT being heroes – they’re criminals. Yes, I know. And thank you for the photo I needed to do my derby face paint tomorrow!

We walked across the street to grab some food at Casablanca – it’s sort of a middle eastern place with a pizza parlor at one end of the building. You can get kebobs and gyros and hummus, but if you want pizza, it’s totally another counter. Of course I wanted pizza. But I got shwarma pizza, so it was totally worth it.

The restaurant also provides hookas for the table if you want. Obviously, it’s just plain tobacco and not opium, so don’t freak out, mom. We got some double apple stuff and had an awesome dinner and an absolutely fabulous time just hanging out.

Due to some time constraints we were unable to go to the awesome-looking dinosaur mini-golf course. I was crushed, but I’m sure I’ll live. Instead, we hit the duty free shop at the border. There are weird restrictions on how much liquor you can bring back across the border to the US, which was fine, since we only bought pure maple syrup. (Oddly enough, it was in a bottle that looked like a fifth of whiskey – honestly, it WAS syrup!!!) And then once you make your purchases, you go to a pick-up window and the store clerk walks your bag to the other side of the border. I’m not sure what good that does, but red tape is red tape. On top of this, it will cost you $.50 to get back through the Canadian side. Really? 50 cents? Bet they’re making a killing. Weird.

Once through the border crossing and headed back to the US across the Rainbow Bridge, DorkyBarb noticed the border patrol officer was different than the mean original one we had. Through a series of hilarious gestures and international signs (I’m pretty sure those Canadian border patrol guys speak English, but I could be wrong), she got the guy to stamp all of our passports!!!! She’s a Real American Hero.

Once back across the bridge, we had to go through American customs and the people there were much nicer and helpful and chatty. You get asked the regular questions about how long you were there, what you bought, and such. And then they usher you down this long hallway with a door at the end. You have to touch the door and then wait about 30 seconds for a light to go on and then push on the door again to open it. I’m sure it’s just some elaborate hoax to videotape people either crashing into the door (like I did) or thinking they’re now trapped because they didn’t push on the door a second time. Thanks for the well-explained directions, America!

A super fun trip to Canada, and I may or may not have been quoted as saying, “Niagara Falls, Canada looks like Wisconsin Dells threw up… in metric!” Fact!

www.pizzapizza.ca
www.niagarafallstourism.com/play/attractions/criminals-hall-of-fame-wax-museum/
www.cliftonhill.com/attractions/dinosaur-adventure-golf
www.casaniagara.com

Family Fun Center – Seattle, WA

 

Since Coach and I are travelling celebrities, people like to hang out with us. We do fun stuff and are fully prepared to leave our dignity at the door. We had gone to a party the previous night and someone mentioned we were the coolest people he had ever met and we should all go do some laser tag the following day (that’s how I remember it). That same person ditched out on us, cough cough Pete Greenberg cough cough. We aren’t scared to go by ourselves, though. We were fully prepared to act like twelve-year-olds at the Family Fun Center. It’s an indoor and outdoor playland with video games, go karts, bumper boats, trampolines, mini golf, and batting cages. How could this not be a blast?

I forgot I was wearing my t-shirt with John Wayne Gacy (dressed as a clown) in a children’s game land. Whoops! The cop I ran into in the bathroom simply raised an eyebrow and walked past.

 

We bought some big expensive multi pass where we could do lots of stuff.

We did the go karts first. I would highly recommend go karting with Coach. He loves the brake like an old man, so you’re sure to get around him. I bet his father (who’s addicted to NASCAR) is ashamed. Coach got stuck behind this old Asian man and his son traveling at ridiculously low speeds. When Coach realized the man’s wife was taking photos of him each lap, Coach decided to do hilarious photo bombs every time. This is why Coach is awesome – he turns rotten Asian Plums into spiteful wine.

Then we did some mini golf. I did win the first round, but ChickenLittle absolutely destroyed the back nine and ended up winning the second round (he’s a lefty, so I’m sure he’s got some sort of Nintendo mini-golf cheat code). I still ended up the overall champion, but Coach was right behind me.
 

Then, bumper boat time. I love bumper boats, even when I’m worried about my phone/camera getting soaked. But hey, I DESPISE my phone right now, so the worst that could happen is I get a new one. These boats, as they should, contain water guns on the front so you can hose people down as they get close to you. They also let you spray civilians walking unknowingly past the bumper boat area. They also let you spray Coach in the ween as he’s trying to exit the ride after the whistle blows. Hahahaha. I’m a jerk.

Finally, it was laser tag time. They put us in a room full of small children and moms – NON-hot moms, for the record, even in the dark. One of the moms looked at us and said, “I’m guessing you’ve done this before”. Hahahaha. Yes, and we’re going to stomp your children. Well, we ended up NOT beating their children, since we had a severely incompetent group of really young children on OUR team. I will note that I scored the most points on both teams, with Coach a close second. He’s also a laser tag champion, but I don’t think he has a trophy from it, like I do. Again, I’m a jerk.

I love doing stupid stuff like this with the guys. I wish PulChevy were there to beat us all at everything and to say wildly inappropriate things to everyone 15 years younger than us with a chip on their shoulder. Next time, brother. Can’t wait!!!

Top 5 things about Family Fun Center
1. Bumper boats
2. Go karts
3. Mini golf
4. Laser tag
5. Inappropriate t-shirts in a child zone is always fun

Bottom 5 things
1. This place is NOT cheap
2. Laser tag was not explained well by the 15-year-old worker
3. Incompetent juvenile teammates in laser tag
4. Many video games weren’t functioning
5. The outside stuff isn’t open in the winter months – just a heads up

www.fun-center.com

Centennial Lakes Park Mini-Golf – Edina, MN

My employer periodically puts together these fun events and calls them team building. And I assure you, they really are fun. You get to hang out with people you don’t work with all the time and swap stories about the people you DO work with all the time in a semi-competitive environment. We went bowling once an split up into random teams and the high scorers won some nominal prize and crap –talking rights for a week. The losers (which was my department) were forced to write and perform a rap song for the rest of the large department (don’t ask to see it, you won’t). I’ll also point out right off the bat, that the last time we did team building, there were multiple workman’s compensation claims filed, including for one person who went to the ER with a concussion and internal bleeding (I’m completely serious). We had gone curling, which involves ice – I don’t really need to explain it much more than that, do I?

First off, this place is terribly difficult to find. It’s on France Avenue in Edina, which a lot of people are familiar with. That’s not the hard part. The hard part is you have to park in the lower level of the parking garage and walk between two multi-story strip mall buildings (right by Chuck E. Cheese) and go behind the buildings and cross over a steep bridge to get to the mini-golf place. It’s an adventure just getting there.

The mini-golf course is pretty unique in that it is natural grass cut into putting surfaces which resemble fairways. There are actual tee markers on the starting area, so they can move them around and let the grass recover from damage (just like a traditional course). Also, there are no clown heads or swinging poles (twss) or loop-de-loops or bouncing off of things. You play the natural hills and valleys and turns they have cut into the fairway. Very unique experience.

The course is along a man-made pond where you can also paddleboat (rented at the mini-golf stand), so it’s actually kind of picturesque for a mini-golf course. It’s as close to a real golf course as they could make it. The facility also has a HUGE lawn bowling/croquette area near the mini-golf course. It’s a pretty nice facility honestly.

The course is much more challenging than you’d think, being as there aren’t any ludicrous obstacles in your path. There are some significant water hazards and some of the shots you must take have to be planned out so you don’t go too far or miss a turn. I was pretty impressed with this course, and not just because I really impressed my team by canning amazing putts. Seriously, why can’t I do this on the real golf course? There were a couple of burned out spots on the course, but all in all, the whole thing was in pretty good shape. But around the “tee areas” of a couple holes, you were starting on sand.

This place is pretty fun. Kind of an executive-style mini-golf course. I think I still prefer plastic penguins and tubular systems and swinging hoops, but this place is really nice.

Top 5 things about Centennial Lakes Park Mini-Golf
1. These work team building things are always fun
2. Free mini-golf
3. No one ended up with drain bamage this time!
4. Really unique approach to mini-golf
5. It’s a really well maintained facility in a cool relaxing setting

Bottom 5 things
1. Mini-golf was something Gerd and I did every chance we got and it was really tough to do and not think of her all the time
2. Since I was with work people, the crap-talking was kept to a minimum
3. It was 8004 degrees outside and very little shade (and NO beer cart girl)
4. Terribly difficult to find if you haven’t been there
5. The place is REALLY popular and packed

www.centenniallakespark.com/content/facilities/centennial_lakes/attractions/putting_course/index.htm

Vacation - Day 6 – Tucson, AZ – aka Gerd’s Birthday

Generally on Gerd’s Birthday, my only duty is to drive her around to do whatever she wants, and hold out the credit card when the time comes. Today would be no different, except we wouldn’t be near home nor near her favorite restaurants. We would have to make due.

We woke up too late to eat breakfast, so I avoided that bullet. Ha ha ha. I was also told I would not be playing disc golf, so she avoided a bullet herself. Well played, friend.

We headed to downtown Tucson to check it out. We heard the 4th Avenue area of downtown has some cool shopping and food places. We also heard it may not be as happening on a Monday as a lot of the places use that day as a day off of working. Most places were open though. It wasn’t a thriving metropolis of shopping, but it was interesting to walk around there. We already knew we were going to El Charro, so we were only walking around trying to get hungry for this lunch-time adventure.

Gerd found this place online and found about a billion reviews all saying it was the best. And they weren’t lying. El Charro claims to have invented the chimichanga and I won’t dispute it. It was amazing. Their claim to fame is some sort of beef which they dry on the roof of the building and then shred. It’s called Carne Seca, and you NEED to get this if you go there. Best chimichanga I’ve ever had. I also got a sampler kind of thing called Enchiladas Banderas and discovered the best shredded chicken enchilada I’ve ever eaten. This place is incredible. We had their special margaritas complete with a Grand Marnier float which were amazing. I apologize for the bluriness of the photos, but you should get the point.


We had heard about this steak place called McMahon’s while researching restaurants on line. Gerd likes to eat steak on her birthday, so we needed to find someplace classy for her. We overheard some random guy in El Charro talking to the waitress about McMahan's Steakhouse, so Gerd turns around and starts talking to him about it. Apparently, it was one of the VPs of the company that owns McMahon’s. Really nice guy. He even offered to make a reservation for us. We politely declined, but when Gerd mentioned it was her birthday, he bought her some birthday flan. It was also awesome and neither of us really like flan that much. We’re converted flan fans.

We drove to the Foothills Mall and checked things out there. We did some light window shopping and bought Gerd a couple of things. She had recently seen Twilight, but wanted to see it again, so we dropped in and caught a matinee. Great vampire film and it’s no wonder she wanted to see it a second time. I’d recommend it. We then drove to La Encantada – a really fancy mall. It was pretty classy. We didn’t buy anything there, except gelato, but it was fun to walk around. We were killing time until our reservation at 8pm at McMahon’s.

We tried to kill time by finding a minigolf place. However, this one was super scary and super closed forever. The internet says people loved the scary tackiness of it, but I was bummed it was closed.

We drove home to change into nicer clothes and then headed out to McMcahons. It was really classy. The waitress however told us that Rodney, the sommelier, would help us pick out a bottle of wine. However, she pronounced it like salmonelliay – as if he was some harbinger of disease. Hilarious. Rodney was awesome and very down to earth. We knew what we wanted, we just wanted him to decide for us. Besides, they had a 70+ page wine list - THAT's serious. Gerd had a Bone-In Filet Mignon and I had a full rack of lamb. Both were incredible. Super tasty and flavorful. The potato Gerd had was perfect as were the Scalloped potatoes I got. We got a nice Malbec to accompany dinner and thanked Rodney for his recommendation. The place was louder than a lot of restaurants we’ve been in but there were a lot of large groups there. We would both heartily recommend McMahon’s Prime Steakhouse.

We drove home to partake in some boat drinks with the cousin. Her boyfriend calls girly drinks boat drinks. I think girly drinks is a more descriptive term, but whatever. They’re both fruity and tasty. Gerd fell asleep before she finished hers, so the cousin and I made sure her drink got disposed of properly… heh heh heh.

Top 5 things
1. Best Mexican food ever – El Charro
2. My cousin had a birthday cake for Gerd
3. Got to see Twilight
4. Got some new Wii games
5. Awesome Malbec from Argentina

Bottom 5 things
1. Salmonelliay
2. Scary mini-golf place was closed
3. Gerd is another year closer to being old like Chao
4. No cool shirts in our sizes at El Charro
5. Downtown Tucson

http://www.elcharro.com
http://www.metrorestaurants.com/restaurants/ms-restaurant.htm

Vacation - Day 4 – San Diego, CA

We awoke without hangovers – always a good sign. We grabbed breakfast at the Eggery – a place our friends thought would suit us well. We will admit we were a tad bummed we didn’t get to eat on the water like one of the party people recommended to us, but the food was fine, so we’re not complaining at all. We took a quick walk on the boardwalk of the beach. Mostly this was because Gerd tried to buy a Dew at the mini mart next to the restaurant and then flipped out because it was taking too long. She hadn’t had a Dew in a like two days and she was at the end of the rope. We found a 7-11 for her and things were fine after that. Did I mention I hate sand but love bikinis? – That’s so tough for me to handle… ha ha ha.

We hopped in the Commander and drove to some cross on a hill. I don’t remember what it was or what it stood for, but I knew mom would be happy we did it. Then we drove to some really cool and open public park with a view. People were barbequing and it smelled awesome.

Gerd and I then drove to Encinitas to my friend Jill’s house. I got Encinitas Mixed up with Escondido – not a smart move, dingleberry. On the way, Gerd and I had the continuation of the pee-wee golf challenge, this time at Pelly’s Mini-golf at the Del Mar Golf Center. It was supposed to be a super cool miniature golf course, but it ended up being kind of lame. Although, I did win by a LARGE margin after dropping a couple holes-in-one.

Jill’s got a LARGE American bulldog who drools and talks. He’ll make the most hilarious talking noises and we all kept laughing. Apparently Jill’s BF doesn’t like it when he talks, but we kept doing it anyway since it was funny. The dog is also allergic to everything – lamb, chicken, rice, skittles, small children. So he got a healthy dose of hamburger and carrots for dinner. Looked kind of tasty actually.

Jill is in a band, so we went to go see her practice in Oceanside. She plays in a warehouse behind a sports bar – the Tremont Street Grill, so we ate there. I had a Cajun burger and some Cajun fries and Gerd ended up with a salad of some sort. The food was pretty good for bar food, but I don’t know if I’d go out of my way to eat there. Gerd mentioned the bartender had a nice rack (I TOLD you I was putting that in here) – I of course didn’t notice (wink, wink).

We watched band practice for a couple of hours – they were working in a new drummer (who was hilarious). They played mostly covers and couple of originals. It was a long day and Gerd was falling asleep – as was Jill’s BF. The band is a great bunch of guys – just need a couple more practices under their belt before they hit the big time. The best part was they were older guys and they were drinking drinks that made MY drinks look manly. Like Mandarin Vodka and Raspberry Mike’s Lemonade. Ha ha ha.

We took the scenic route home on Pacific Coast Highway, even though it was dark. It was still a beautiful drive home. Quaint little beach towns and some neat shopping areas interspersed with areas with LOTS of money.

Top 5 things
1. Bikinis
2. I rule at mini golf
3. Pacific Coach Highway – even in the dark
4. Got to see Jill
5. Jill’s band’s drummer is hilarious

Bottom 5 things
1. Still the sand thing
2. Peewee golf place
3. Gerd’s Dew freakout
4. Didn’t get to eat breakfast on the water
5. Encinitas is not just a mispronunciation of Escondido

http://www.delmargolfcenter.com/minigolf.htm
http://www.tremontstreetbarandgrill.com

Captain J’s Mini Golf – Superior, WI

This was the second stop in the great mini golf challenge. It started when a certain someone decided to begin crap-talking about mad skills on the mini golf course. Well, never one to ignore a challenge (which has gotten me into trouble numerous times), we decided to settle it on the course. Fortunately, we drove past a random mini golf course while visiting the Duluth/Superior area.

Captain J’s is right outside the world’s only remaining whaleback ship – the U.S.S. Meteor, which no one seemed to pay any attention to at all. It’s medium-sized, it’s a ship, … next. The course seemed to be pretty full and lots of kids, which, to me, hearkens of EASY. And it was.

Pretty ho-hum holes with no water hazards or crazy dancing clowns with tridents spewing fire or acid. A couple of rocks in the way and some oddly shaped brick-lined walls. Hit it up the middle, and you’re going to get close. One hole shaped like a tiny volcano, which was a huge bottleneck for people. We waited forever, despite the fact that there was a “supposed” 7-stroke limit per hole. Also one hole with like 5 random sized humps (I wish they were lovely lady lumps) in the surface which was an almost-challenge.

Honestly, we had fun. Don’t get me wrong, but when you’ve played some serious courses, you get used to a certain level of challenge (or at least interesting-ness). I’d recommend it if you’re passing through and want to kill a half hour. It’s dirt cheap, so it’s got that going for it.

Top 5
1. It was cheap (like $4 or something)
2. Great for kids (or a crap talking girlfriends with lacking skillz)
3. Close proximity of public bathrooms (on board the U.S.S. Meteor)
4. Hole with the humps
5. There’s a place to get ice cream across the parking lot from the course

Bottom 5
1. Boring design
2. Lacking in the shade department
3. No water hazard or acid
4. No chance to win a free round on the last hole to award your marksman-like skill
5. D-bags trying to give Tiger Woods-style putting tips to their whore girlfriends (or escorts)