Donny Dirk’s Zombie Den – Minneapolis, MN

Since I have ties to the library industry, a few of the cooler librarians get together and go out for drinks. You might have some preconceived notion of what librarians do after hours, but I’m guessing, unless you know a cool librarian, you have no idea. These people can drink.

We started out at Psycho Suzie’s Motor Lounge and Tiki Bar, but since I’ve already reviewed that a few times, I won’t bore you with a recap. But it’s awesome and my favorite bar in Minneapolis (and probably the entire world for that matter). Here’s some photos of how that went down though. And yes, all the girly drinks were mine.

And I will say, the Sunny Buick pizza is pretty darn good. EnyaFace! finally showed up to one of these, so we split some cheese curds and the Sunny Buick. Fresh basil, pine nuts, roasted garlic provolone, mozzarella, and white-wine sauce. Wurd.

Some of the librarians bailed after Psycho Suzies, but some of us wanted to check out Donny Dirks Zombie Den, since we’d heard so much about the place. It is fairly close to Suzie’s, but you still have to drive to get there. Luckily, we knew we’d be headed there early enough to pace ourselves enough to be able to drive over there. THEN, it would be “go time.”

I’d heard a lot of people say what a change it was from “Stand Up Franks”. And from the sound of things, that is a very good thing. Sounded like a lot of bad stuff went down there – drugs, prostitution, gun fights, etc. Fortunately, they’ve put some development into the area where Donny’s moved in and it’s well lit, had good parking, and seemed pretty safe (for being so close to the “not so safe” part of town. Donny Dirk’s is owned by the people who own Psycho Suzie’s as well, so you know they know how to do theme bars. This place is super fun.

We rolled up and the bouncers (dressed in bloody lab coats) told us we had to wait. They were at capacity and we’d have to wait for a few people to come out before we could head in. No problem at all, since it was such a nice night. And the bouncers were really good guys. Very chatty and talked to us about random stuff. Cool couple of guys. They told us they were making sure the capacity remained at a level where people could chat and not have to push their way through crowds or lean over people at the bar to order. They were trying to make sure this place stayed open, basically. Smart move, considering the hoops they had to jump through to get this place opened up where Stand Up Franks had been.

As it turns out, our group was already inside waiting for us. So we strolled in after a couple of people left. Oddly enough, Norwegian Mafia (of Minnesota Roller Girls fame) was just vacating the booth our group was slowly commandeering, so I chatted with her for a bit about going out to Denver for the bout and about the upcoming Brawl Of America” Northern Region Championship tournament next weekend – you should all be there. She was very cool to talk to as was the guy she was with – Steve or Michael or something.

We grabbed the large booth and surveyed the place. There’s so much kitsch to this place, it’s going to be difficult to describe. It’s a zombie themed bar, so it’s got a chainsaw in a glass case that says “In case of Zombie attack, break glass.” The bartenders (and bouncer) wear bloody lab coats, behind the bar, there are all kinds of apothecary bottles and tubes with liquids in them, they show old movies on the TVs inside – we watched some of Godzilla and also Freaks (which horrified the people at my table for some reason). The carpet is tiger skin patterned and the walls are mirrors. There’s a neon sign above the bar that reads “Undead Frank Lives”, a shout out to the previous owner, I’m assuming. And for some reason, there is a GIANT set of bull horns over the doorway. So large, I’m not sure they’re real, but sadly, I think they are. It’s got a fun vibe – not everything is truly zombie related, but still, it’s kitschy, like I said. And what’s even more weird is this place is MUCH more swanky than I expected. I don’t mean high-brow expensive swanky, I mean like Vegas Swingers swanky. The fun kind of swanky!

They have a ton of wild drinks on the menu as well – bubblegum infused vodka (which RubyVita assures me is amazing), cherry vodka, various martinis, multiple shots, and the thing many people talk about: Weird Science. This is a make-your-own drink kit. They bring out a laminated 8.5x11 page of drinks and instructions on both sides. You mark what liquors, mixers, syrups, and sprinkles you want, then you write the recipe on the included index card with your name and the name of the drink. This will all cost you at least $9. IF you get anything fancy, they upcharge you. You can have at least 3, but you have to have less than 9 for the thing so 3-8 is your range.

I was REALLY amazed at the amount of liquors they have on this list. Tons of things on here I had never even heard of, and they were really nice and gave some indication of what flavors some of them were in parentheses after the names, just in case. So some would say (almond) or (vanilla) or (coffee) after them.

I of course had them whip up the black forest cake for me. I won’t divulge the secret ingredients on this one, but it’s really tasty. And I had them line the glass with chocolate syrup before they poured the drink in the glass. I’m used to making these girly drinks in large pitchers, so I was bummed that the drink was as small as it was, but still, it was good, so I won’t complain. Plus everyone at the table that tried it really liked it, reassuring me that I truly AM as brilliant as I tell people. (I’m sooooo kidding – I’m not THAT guy).

They serve draught beer in these super large goblets called “schooners” (You dumb bastard. It’s a schooner, not a sailboat – hahaha). These are basically drinking vessels which require two hands to operate. They’re pretty serious. So I saw a lot of people drinking out of those – I’m not a beer drinker, so you’re on your own with that one.

This place does get a line of people outside it about 8:30 or 9pm, so if you’re going to show up, get there early enough to grab a booth with some friends and spend lots of money. You won’t be disappointed. If you get hungry while you’re pounding home-made girly drinks, you can use their “bat phone” and call Psycho Suzie’s – they deliver REGULARLY to Donny Dirk’s, so you can have it come to you and not worry about getting pulled over. Just go to the Zombie bar. It’s fun and you can tell your friends.

Top 5 things about Donny Dirk’s Zombie Den
1. Librarian Happy Hour is always tons of ridiculous fun
2. Weird Science – great idea, Suzie/Donny
3. Atmosphere
4. Super friendly bouncers
5. I love explaining to my friends what pinheads are and then having them look at me in horror

Bottom 5 things
1. This place would be to Gerd what Psycho Suzie’s is for me – the perfect bar. I’m super sorry she missed out on this one
2. This place will fill up fast and you’ll be standing in a few feet of snow in the next few weeks
3. It’s more scary monster or mad scientist-themed than zombies, but let’s not split hairs here
4. For having tons and tons of liquor, they still didn’t have some of my staple girly drink fixin’s
5. It’s not a place for a cheap drink, but they seem to be doing a pretty solid business

www.facebook.com/pages/Minneapolis-MN/Donny-Dirks-Zombie-Den/135214722779

Best Detour Ever – Tiny Town, CO

For those that don’t know about my weird taste in movies, I’m a collector of terrible B-movies. There’s a movie I showed at the last Bad Movie Night I hosted called Terror of Tiny Town – it’s the world’s only all-midget western. Yes, I’m dead serious. So, when I was driving back from Conifer’s disc golf course, I saw a random road sign that said Tiny Town. I immediately swerved off the road onto the exit and headed through miles of backroads in the direction of Tiny Town.

I had no idea what to expect in Tiny Town, but when I got about 25 minutes into the detour, I began to get discouraged and thought about turning back. In fact, the next time I saw a sign for a major road, I took it. When I got to the intersection of the main road, I saw another sign for tiny town back the way I came. In typical male flip-flop decision making, I U-turned and headed back in the direction of Tiny Town. I’m glad I did.

I drove around a couple more windy bends and out popped Tiny Town! I had no idea what it was STILL, but I saw a train ride and kids everywhere.

I pulled into the parking lot and headed towards the ticket booth. It was only five bucks, so I shelled it out and strolled in. It’s a miniature village for kids to walk through. Seriously, that’s all it is!!! But it’s hilarious. I’m assuming it was built many many years ago but there are a couple of newer buildings like the Harley Davidson shop.

I made quick work of Tiny Town, but took a few photos.


The Tiny Town Public Library for my librarian friends.

And me inside one of the tiny houses.

I’m just going to throw this out there. Where there’s kids, there’s hot moms. And yes, I’m creepy enough to take photos of them.

Not EVERYTHING is tiny in Tiny Town…

I’m sure my wonderful friends have already come up with a number of comments about my man-stature and how I should be the mayor of Tiny Town already. The name of this store should crack them up even more.

This was a hilarious fun and ridiculous detour, but I’m glad I did it. I thought about terrorizing kids, so I could be the Terror of Tiny Town.

Top 5 things about Tiny Town
1. Best road-side oddity I’ve been to
2. I’m still chuckling about the “Little Log Store”
3. Hot moms
4. I got to a see a tiny-tantrum from one little girl who’s father was trying to push her into a tiny windmill
5. Now I know what TheDoctor feels like all the time


Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd loved to go to stupid road-side tourist traps with oversize (or undersized) randomness. She would have loved this, especially because of the Terror of Tiny Town connection
2. There’s an easy exit from 285 and a long and wind-y exit from 285. Apparently, I chose the winding one
3. There’s really nothing to actually DO there, but kids seemed WAAY excited to be there
4. I should have bought a train ticket. My own fault
5. There really is no connection with the movie nor were there any dwarves. Bummer

http://www.tinytownrailroad.com

Italy Vacation (Day 3) – May 9, 2009

It was my intent to get up early enough to go down to the beach and maybe catch a quick swim in the Ligurian Sea before I checked out. And in fact, I did wake up in plenty of time. However, due to the fact that I could barely move, I ended up laying in bed cracking and stretching every joint and muscle in my body. I eventually tried to stand up but my feet, calves, and shins were very mad at me. I hobbled around the apartment for about a half hour, eventually shaved and hopped in the shower. There was no way I was swimming anywhere. Got my things packed (slowly) and paid for the room. I assured them I would return. I walked (slowly) to the train station – thankfully it’s mostly flat the entire way. I bought a train ticket t Pisa to hunt for the tower. I was flying out of Pisa to Catania, Sicily, to meet my grad school friend, MO.

The last time I was in Pisa, I had a quick layover on a train. I tried to find the tower during that time, but it eluded me. I’m convinced they had moved it that weekend for cleaning. People kept sending us into the shady parts of town and it got a little disconcerting. So this time, I was my mission to find this elusive tower. I had a Rick Steves guidebook and map to help me. However, sitting on a train for over an hour only allowed my calves to completely seize up. I only fell down once on the train when I tried to stand up.

Once on the train platform, I walked really slowly until I could pick up speed and work the kinks out. I followed my map and ended up walking in totally unfamiliar areas of Pisa. This is how I knew I was on the right track. Ha ha ha. Pisa felt much less seedy this time around. 35-40 minutes later, I rounded the corner and saw the tower and the rest of the buildings on the campus of miracles – the duomo and the baptistery.




I walked around the campus a bit and took some photos, but mainly laughed at the hundreds of people posing their children and wives to make it appear they were holding up the tower.

Many people were lying on the ground shouting orders to the posers. If I had gotten on the ground, I would not have gotten back up that day. The tower is much cooler than I thought it would be. I know they’ve done some restoration and stabilization, but it’s seriously waaaay leaning. I’ve only seen it in photos and pizza boxes. Very cool and I’m glad I found it. I quick e-mailed a photo to Belcher to prove I found it this time.

I needed food, so I headed back in the direction of the train station and found one of the sandwich shops recommended by Rick Steves – Panetteria Antiche Tradizione. I got as close to a bacon and cheese sandwich as you’ll find in Europe on some super crunchy bread. It was a pretty big sandwich as well. Grabbed a table outside and watched traffic and hilarious tourists.


I worked up the courage to move again and headed back to the station to catch a train to the airport. But not before stopping at La Bottega del Gelato for some melone, fragola, and mango gelato. I sat in a piazza and watched people for about an hour since I had time to kill. I watched a dad helping his son with his bike helmet. The father’s grip slipped as he was trying to forcefully flip the helmet over and cracked the kid in the head enough to make him stagger. He was too dazed to cry. The dad started cracking up and said something in Italian – I’m assuming the equivalent of “I should get you a helmet to protect you from this helmet.” Hilarious. I’m also amazed at the number of kids riding on their dad’s shoulders who were on bicycles. It seemed scary, but then again, I was raised standing up in the front seat of a car and drinking whole milk from a baby bottle and I lived.

Walked back to the train station and bought a ticket to the airport. Platform 14. Stairs leading down seemed normal until I ran out of platform numbers at 7. I walked up the stairs in an attempt to figure it out. Was it like Harry Potter and track 7¾ ? I walked the length of the platform and then noticed a tiny staircase at the end. At the bottom was a passage under the tracks to platform 14 – all by itself in the middle of nowhere. I made it to the airport.

The Pisa airport is kind of like the train station. They announce where to check in two hours before the flight and everyone runs to get in line. Then they still have to wait in the security line. I was glad I got there early. I grabbed a quick nap in front of one of the monitors (I didn’t have a choice – my eyes told me I was done). When my eyes popped open, I saw them flash up the check in line number and I hopped up waaay too fast and forgot about my incapacitated legs. I’m sure it looked hysterical. I ended up third in line. 30 seconds later, I was 3rd out of 75. Wow. No problems with security. I boarded the plane and promptly fell right to sleep.

I met MO at the arrival area and she still looked the same as she did in Grad school. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen her in 10 years. A couple of days before I left for Italy, she e-mailed me and said she stepped in a hole and tore some ligaments. She would be using crutches and moving slow. This worked out VERY well for my condition. We hobbled slowly out to her car and headed for the Navy base where her husband is stationed. I had to get a visitor pass, since it’s a pretty secure area, so I had to surrender my driver’s license. No problem – I’d get it back when I checked out a couple days later.

I walked into their house on the Navy base and this is the first thing I saw.

Apparently they’re serious about security here on the base. (It’s actually a plastic gun, but the red tip blended in with the red trim on the basket. Still shocking though. And hilarious. MO and her husband have two awesome dogs - Sarah and Taylor. Sarah is a beagle and Taylor is what MO refers to as a "small headed dog". I'm not sure if it's because she (Taylor) looks like a cute baby seal or because of her (Taylor's) mental capacity. ha ha.

I assured MO I wasn’t up for any gallivanting, so she made dinner for us. Bow-tie pasta with wild fennel sauce, sausage and two kinds of eggplant (mint and garlic). She assured me it was a traditional Sicilian meal. It was fantastic. Seriously, it was not spaghetti and meatballs – it was awesome. And we put back a couple bottles of Sardinian wine which was really fantastic. We started up the fire pit and talk about school and what we’ve done since then, who we still talk to, famous libraries we’ve been to, countries we’ve visited, etc. It was fun getting caught up. We talked about plans for the following day, but neither of us knew how our legs would be feeling, so we just decided to play it by ear.

We went back inside and had some gelato (not as good out of the freezer, but still better than US ice cream). And of course, another bottle of wine. We talked more about where we would try to go tomorrow, but I don’t remember much about the conversation. It was way later than I thought, mostly because Sicilian meals kill about 3 hours. Ha Ha ha.

Top 5 things about Day 3
1. Catching up with MO
2. Seeing the Leaning Tower of Pisa - finally
3. Homemade pasta dinner
4. Lots of wine
5. Watching that kid get smacked in the head with his own helmet

Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd would have loved seeing the tower, meeting MO, talking libraries, and eating the awesome food
2. Calves locking up
3. Incessant napping
4. Didn’t get to swim in the Ligurian Sea
5. Elusive Platform 14

Groveland Tap – St. Paul, MN

A group of librarians gets together on a semi-regular basis to have a small happy hour every once in a while here in the twin cities. Gerd and I made it to a couple since we moved to the area, and we’ve sort of been on hiatus for a while. But one finally got arranged at the Groveland Tap, which features cheap tacos on Thursday nights, so I was in.

The organizer decided being sick was a good enough excuse to bail on us all, but a handful of us still managed to find our way into the place after work. I ordered a Jack and something-or-other and was kindly informed they only had beer and wine. Bummer. Not a good start. Then I overheard the bartender tell one of the patrons that happy hour ended at 5:30. It was 5:35 when I got there. Double bummer.

As it turns out, the taco special ran all night, so I was safe there. Had some lively conversation while people filed in to watch the basketball game. Apparently this is some sort of big time period for basketball or something. Ha Ha. I’m such a sports tard. Just don’t care. So I ordered a taco (to kind of size it up) and a Strongbow. You can get beef or chicken, soft or hard shell. One of the other librarians yelled out “Beef! Hard!” and then realized what she said loudly in public. To many people’s surprise, I kept the comments to myself (until later during dinner and I couldn’t hold back any more). The taco that came out was pretty sizeable. I was kind of impressed actually. Lots of chicken on this thing and a bowl of sour cream and a bowl of salsa. The meat was especially good, better than a lot of the Mexican food I’ve had in the twin cities, in fact. Ha ha.

I ended up eating three of these things, and should have gotten a fourth, but I had to bail out to go see a show (which I ended up missing the band I wanted to see, so it was a complete bust anyway). But I was pleasantly full after eating three. And EnyaFace! got some deep fried cheese curds, which ruled as well. I should probably pay her for them, since I ate waaaay more than my share of them. Hard to pass up fried grease wrapped around cheesy goodness. We had some hilarious library-related conversations as well, which always makes me think of Gerd. She loved a good happy hour with awesome people.

I’d go here again for happy hour, but it’s a tad far to drive across town to get there just AFTER happy hour ends. Oh well, I still might anyway.

Top 5 things about Groveland Tap
1. Super good tacos for a bar
2. Pretty cheap
3. Normal regular people inside
4. Cheese curds
5. Nice atmosphere and room to move around in there

Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd couldn’t hang with our librarian friends
2. No hard liquor
3. Happy hour ends at 5:30
4. Ultra-super attentive waitress (seriously)
5.It’s about an hour from where I work

www.grovelandtap.com

Busters on 28th - Minneapolis, MN

Gerd and I got invited (in a roundabout way) to an engagement party/librarian get-together at Busters on 28th. One of those friend-of-a-friend kind of things. We knew the engagees, so it wasn’t completely random. We arrived, saw their table was completely full, and got our own table. Then we went over to harass the group that was already stationed at a table in the middle of the place.

We had lively conversations, mainly surrounding the fact that 90% of the people at the table were librarians and 50% of those people had the same name. Weird that so many people are named Gerd – ha ha ha...

Gerd got a Caesar salad and some cheesy things and I got a spicy Italian panini (still not sure why, since I’m not a fan of paninis). Gerd went with the waitress’s recommendation of the Spaten Oktoberfest amber and I went with the Strongbows. Gerd’s salad was like a log of romaine lettuce that had been grilled (literally charred – though I thought chard was a different leafy vegetable). And only one side of the lettuce log was covered in the dressing, so some bites were not great. Otherwise, the good parts were really good (I had a couple of bites, just to verify). Decent croutons as well. Her cheesy thing was pieces of mozzarella with some green stuff and drizzled with vinaigrette reduction (sounds fancy, and it was). It was also really good. She liked the Spaten very much.

The spicy Italian panini was decent, but it wasn’t spicy at all. I think they left some ingredients off (mainly the peppers – which oddly, makes things spicy). It was basically a grilled salami sandwich with cheese. And I’m just not a fan of grilled chewy sandwiches – can’t say I didn’t give it the old college try though. Granted, it was good, but it wasn’t what I expected. I would probably go with a burger next time (either bison or lamb) and probably the onion rings, which looked amazing when we saw them being carried to other tables. There were some issues with breaking down our portion of the check as well, but that might have bee our fault since we switched tables and waitresses midstream. Still, it didn’t seem that hard to pay for our portion. We eventually just left a handful of cash on our group table and left.

Top 5 things about Busters on 28th
1. Awesome place to hang out with friends
2. Cheesy things with green stuff (sorry for all the fancy technical terms)
3. Extensive beer list
4. The homecut fries were very good
5. Onion rings – visually only though – can’t vouch for the flavor

Bottom 5 things
1. Gets really cramped when full
2. Inaccurate spicy Italian panini
3. Charred romaine lettuce log with minimal coverage dressing
4. Can be very loud when full (like a lot of bars, so take that with a grain of salt)
5. Paying for food got to be a hassle

http://www.busterson28th.com/

Minneapolis Central Library - Minneapolis, MN

I received the news that I would be taking a field trip from work to the Minneapolis Central Library for some research. I was excited about this because I do lots of sitting in my job and repetitive tasks and was looking forward to something different, hoping it would make my morning go fast. I made the walk of only a few blocks in good spirits and with the confidence that only librarians can feel when visiting a library they have not been to before.

I arrived on the floor housing the business collection and looked up the resource I was looking for in the catalog. I wrote down the call number and was on my way. I found the Business Reference collection which was where I was directed to and located the call number range but didn’t find the book. I then see a Directories section and check there but the call numbers weren’t making sense. I was confused so I went back to the catalog and indeed confirmed that the resource I was looking for was in the Directories section of the reference collection. There is not any further information as to the location of this book in the record. By this time I have attracted the attention of a librarian who comes over to check to see if I needed help. I explain my situation and she then informs me that the directories are in order by subject. Which means the call number I had been looking for – the call number some cataloger worked so hard to assign with the intention of aiding the patron in locating the item – was worthless. So then I ask the librarian what subject the book I am looking for is under. She doesn’t know. The other librarian doesn’t know either. So I resort to scanning shelves and eventually find it.

Onward in my research journey I locate the copy machines and pull out two five-dollar bills from my wallet. Both are new fives, and of course neither this machine nor do the other change machines on the floor take new fives. I inquire at the desk and am directed to the first floor service desk for change. I exchange one of my fives for a nice older one and return to the second floor to get my copy on. I begin my mission and am approached by a library staff member and an elderly lady with a walker. The librarian tells the woman she will have to wait as this is the only copy machine on the floor and then proceeds to leave the woman with a 4 inch thick, heavy, medical encyclopedia to wait for me. I stop my copying as I have a large amount that is needed and tell the woman to go ahead. She thanks me, places the book haphazardly on the copy machine and then says, “Now what do I do?” So I proceed to make her copies for her which I am more than happy to do and listen to her surgical story (thus the medical research out of the large reference book teetering on her walker) and then she is on her way. I return to my copying realizing that one five wasn’t enough. I swear several times under my breath, put my hair into a ponytail because my body temperature was rising alongside my frustration, and return to the first floor.

On this visit to the first floor I bring the reference book with me because I am hoping there is at least one copy machine on the first floor I can use and I was taking what I can only assume would look like a suspiciously long time being away from work on my field trip. I return to the service desk and asked a different person to exchange my five for me, muttering, “Well, if we HAVE any old fives” as she did it. I was preparing my argument about the reserve of old fives they should keep if their copy and change machines in a fairly new building don’t take new fives when she found one in the bottom of the drawer. I locate what I am assuming is the only copy machine on the first floor and discover that a person has left their drivers’ license and social security card on the copy machine. I briefly contemplate stealing someone else’s identity as I wasn’t please with how my own day was going but decided I couldn’t pull off being a black male and returned to the service desk to wait in line again. After ensuring the safety of the items in the library’s lost and found I finally finish my copies. I breathe a sigh of relief along with a few last swears of frustration and exit the building. As I tuck the copies under my arm and start along the sidewalk back to work I suffer the worst paper cut of my life.

Top 5 Things:
1. The building is beautiful and almost new.
2. The business reference collection seems extensive.
3. Lots of databases that can be accessed remotely.
4. The building isn’t cluttered.
5. There are lots of security personnel.

Bottom 5 Things:
1. There is only one copy machine on the second floor which has the science and business collection as well as government documents.
2. The change machine does not take new $5 bills.
3. Some call numbers are meaningless.
4. It was warm in there and the crabbier I got the warmer it became.
5. Some of the reference librarians do not know their collections well enough.