Yanni – Target Center – Minneapolis, MN

Go ahead and mock (you know you will), but I’m a Yanni fan. When he announced he was coming to Minneapolis, I was pretty excited. My dad is also a big fan, so I figured he’d be coming up from Illinois to go to this with me. We’ve gone to see Yanni three other times (yes, continue the mocking). We ARE that lame, but we’re a combo team. My dad is also a card carrying member of the Yanni fan club, so he’s got access to crazy deals. Which is why I got a phone call from my father telling me we got front row seats to the Minneapolis show. I asked, “front row balcony?” and he assured me, “front row front row.” W.U.R.D.

It would have ruled had we been able to eat at Fogo do Chao like I had hoped, but we didn’t want to miss anything, so we got to the show early. We walked right past the merch booths which were selling t-shirts for $40 and hoodies fo $65. Wow. Pricey. So we just headed to our seats. We even got ushered down to our seats in the front row. Class act, the Target Center.

I could go into tons of detail about the show, but I’ll try to keep it to a minimum and not critique each song. This tour Yanni wanted to bring in lots of vocals, so he found four really awesome singers to write lyrics for some of his songs and some to perform some stuff that Yanni had written. There was blonde guy that looked like me (according to dad and a couple of people sitting near me) who was an amazing singer and was Mr. Sex Guy. The other guy is more clean cut and white bread, but apparently is a janitor in his real life, but he got picked up by Yanni because he’s incredible. There was a smoking hot brunette who could sing the crap out of some Italian songs and could dance and just look smoking hot in slinky dresses. Did I mention she was smoking hot? Then there was the token Hollywood-beautiful blonde girl with the very mainstream-popular voice – she could only sing in English and could really dance all that well, but she was pretty-ish.

The songs that Yanni had written before vocals were brilliant as usual. I don’t even know what the names of all the songs were, but Yanni played for three hours with an intermission. The newer songs written with vocals were a little more watered down and less focused on musical talent, which was a let down. And the songs which the blonde girl sang in English were my least favorite. I’ll concede she can sing, but when the songs are in English, there was a hokey quality to them.

Not only were we sitting 10 feet from Yanni, but the sound quality was perfect, and the lights were perfect, and the music was perfect. Yanni prances around like he’s flamboyantly gay, but clearly he’s not (since he was sticking it to Linda Evans for years).

The solos for each of the instruments were phenomenal. An Armenian violinist who was incredible – he could make the violin sound like it wasn’t a violin and had a folksy style. There was an Asian violinist who was technically superior to any violinist I’ve ever seen, but didn’t have as much feeling as the Armenian guy. The cellist was brilliant and looked like he was having fun, threw in a couple of things that he didn’t put in on the DVD, so you can tell he was milking the crowd, but not in a tacky way. The trumpet player was simply phenomenal – no other comments needed. The harpist seriously brought some flair to the harp that I’m guessing most of the crowd had never seen – amazingly talented and creative and even rocked the harp on his shoulder metal-style. The drummer is a robot and has never messed up in his entire life – just a perfect performance and looks effortless. A classical guitarist from Brazil threw down some serious licks and sang backups on a couple songs with some serious skills. But the guy that stole the show for me was the bass player (not filler in this case – ha ha ha). He did some incredible things the entire show but was overlooked because so many other people were soloing. The guy did a quick bass solo that blew people away. This guy needs a raise.


The only downside was sitting that close, we couldn’t see what they were showing on the screen that they lowered in front of the stage periodically. But I don’t think it was important anyway – just filler and ambience. There was a huge screen behind everything so you could see everything, not that we couldn’t already see everything from the FRONT ROW.

I’ll go see Yanni again (and again). It’s quality music (this coming from a musician) and it’s definitely a “show”. Now stop mocking, jerks.

Top 5 things about the Yanni concert
1. Font row seats
2. Amazing soloists
3. Smokin hot brunette
4. My dad cheering and screaming for more songs at a concert is HI-LARIOUS! I thought I was at a Hannah Montana concert for a second there...
5. I didn’t get hit with Yanni sweat

Bottom 5 things
1. Couldn’t see the screen they put in front of the band
2. Yanni cut his hair and shaved his signature mustache
3. There was a Vegas-style dance-on-the-piano number that could have been left out
4. Blonde girl songs in English didn’t thrill me
5. All my friends will make fun of me for months about this show (just like the other three)…

Justin Timberlake Fest 2 – Minneapolis, MN

I got invited by HotGirlsBrother’s friends to attend this year’s Justin Timberlake Fest Party. HotGirlsBrother and TheDoctor were hosting this event at TheDoctor's house. I was half hoping it wasn’t as serious as they were making it sound, but alas, I was wrong. Now, I’ve got nothing wrong with Justin Timberlake, and in fact think he’s a good entertainer and has a great voice, but the style just really isn’t my thing. But, I just got my grade for one of the MBA class I wasn’t doing so hot in and I passed. But mostly, these are good people and I like them… and I had four flasks filled with a variety of girly high-octane beverages. (I won’t tell you what they were filled with or you’ll be convinced I DO like JT…)

I arrived and didn’t make it further than two steps in the door before four people and a dog hugged me. I’m not complaining, but the dog DID get a bit fresh with me. I wish Gerd had met LeBron. Gerd would have never left the house if that had happened, but I know she would have loved LeBron second only to our wonderdog Zoey. Secondly, I was in a rush to get to the party, so I forgot my belt. And pants stuffed with four flasks weighs down a guy’s pants, so I had to borrow a belt to keep my pants up – it wasn’t one of THOSE kinds of parties… or was it…?

So JTFest2 is just what you think it might be. A bunch of people sitting around watching Justin Timberlake concert videos… And singing along… Loudly… and getting VERY mad when people talk… and take photos… which I did anyway… with a flash… which apparently throws off the mood…
(Note LeBron in the bottom of the photo. Gerd would have stolen LeBron for SURE!)

Here’s how dark the room was WITHOUT the flash.

A lot of people whom I wouldn’t necessarily assume would like Justin Timberlake seemed to know all the words. And occasionally his dance moves, which were demonstrated (with the assistance of some alcoholic beverages).

Then there was some bizarre conversation about Prosopagnosia (which is a medical condition, not a sweet metal band… yet) in the laundry room after talking about bladder shyness and kicking the host in the nards (See? None of it made sense even to those of us that were involved in the conversation). Then the night ended with some Mastodon and Metallica Guitar Hero, even though the red drum pad didn’t work. Apparently, the snare drum accounts for 58% of the drum music, which when left out (like the drummer from def Leppard) brings you to a total score of 42% - Fail.

Top 5 things about Justin Timberlake Fest 2
1. I get to tell people I went to a Justin Timberlake Party
2. Copious amounts of alcohol
3. Celebration for my passing grade
4. Hilarious conversations about how hot JT’s forearms are
5. LeBron is a licker

Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd would have loved everything about JTFest2 – LeBron, Justin Timberlake, awesome friends, girly drinks
2. I forgot my belt
3. I haven’t gotten word yet of a Mastodon or Intronaut Party
4. I had a flask malfunction and one of the girls had to assist in opening it
5. Bummer red pad on the Guitar Hero drums
[Editor's note: #6 would be the amount of crap I've gotten from the TheDoctor about NOT putting his name in this post enough - ha ha ha]

Orphan Thanksgiving – Minneapolis, MN

This year, Gerd and I were unable to go back to Illinois for thanksgiving, on account of having to work the Friday after the holiday. Instead, we were invited to “Orphan Thanksgiving” at M. and Trash Giant’s house along with other orphans. What we were supposed to bring changed like 12 times, but we eventually knew what we were supposed to bring.

We intended to hang out with the Giants the previous evening and then go home and make our food for reheating the next morning. Instead, we got involved in an epic battle of Rockband for the Wii for multiple hours and got home closer to 11pm. This was also when I found out we had to be back at the Giant’s house at 11am. Not sure why I was thinking in the 5pm range, but apparently that was faulty thinking on my part.

So at the crack of dawn, we set out making the cheesey potatoes (double batch as requested by Trash) and corn casserole for the lunch-ish thanksgiving meal. Actually, I slept until about 9, and then made my corn casserole – ha ha ha. Our kitchen now looks like something with batter innards blew up in it, but whatever, we made brilliant cheese-infused food for many people to enjoy.

Before lunch/dinner, I kept mis-hearing the word "corn" and hearing "porn" instead. Subsequently, I was required to run interference with M. Edium in the den. We colored space shuttles (I haven’t colored in over 25 years), and then cut them out (my cutting skills still rule – it’s like riding a bike). Then we built launch pads for said rockets out of blocks. Then we built a wall to the den, which Bitter’s boyfriend knocked over like Godzilla, much to M. Edium’s chagrin. Who knew kids that young even had chagrin?!

Eventually, we had a great time eating copious amounts of food, including an awesome turkey made by a recently-converted former-vegetarian. We all sat around the table, except for trash who sat by herself (apparently on time-out) at the bar/island. It was an awesome time. Everyone spoke plain English (a rarity when your family comes from Alabama like mine), only one roll was thrown (nice shot, Bitter), and I didn’t take my pants off because I ate too much – all in all, a winner of a holiday for everyone.

We then retired to the basement for some follow-up Wii action. A LOT of Wii action, including Rockband, and two pointless games – Cooking Mama and Order Up. Both cooking games. Both steeped in moronitude. Then when Bitter’s boyfriend returned we watched Noah’s Ark with John Voight. It’s the worst movie ever made, and Trash forces MANY people to watch it. (So you know, the writers of the movie took “poetic license” with the Bible – clearly, they’ll burn in some sort of fabricated CGI Hell for so many reasons.) Gerd hadn’t seen it, so she sulked through the entire thing. We tried to make it enjoyable for her, but she wasn’t having it.

We ended up going home quite late which kind of bit since we had to work the next day. But alas, we survived and came home with hilarious stories.

Top 5 things about Orphan Thanksgiving
1. Best hosts and friends EVER
2. Watching Trash’s face when she touched turkey (she’s a vegetarian)
3. First Thanksgiving in 30 years I wasn’t forced to watch football
4. First Thanksgiving in 15 years I wasn’t required to be at multiple houses and eat full meals at each one
5. Hearing people wax poetic about their usual distaste for southern Californian wine but sudden change of heart

Bottom 5 things
1. I did miss my family, and I KNOW Gerd did as well
2. There wasn’t a “bad kids” table – where I usually sit
3. The Halloween candy bucket was severely depleted…
4. Bitter had to go to work that afternoon, so she had to leave early
5. Ate too much, as usual

Job For A Cowboy, All Shall Perish, Animosity, Annotations Of An Autopsy – Station 4 – St. Paul, MN

I’ll try to be quick about this show. This is a serious tech metal bill. All of the bands are super talented musicians, so there wasn’t even a question whether these guys were good. Hate Eternal was supposed to play, but cancelled “due to an injury” according to signage posted outside. Bummer, as I was looking forward to seeing Derek Roddy play some smoking fast drums.

The first band, Annotations Of An Autopsy, is from England. These guys can play. They’re very technical with some pig squeal vocals and low growls (like most of the bands). They had fun on stage and seemed genuinely surprised at the crowd being so into them. They attempted a wall of death, but didn’t tell everyone when to go, so it flopped. If you don’t know what a wall of death is, look at youtube. These guys should have played later. I liked them a lot.

Animosity played second and I really love these guys. Their newer stuff is a little more chaotic, but I saw them play in Davenport, Iowa, a couple of years ago, and they were incredible. Great musicians with lots of fun grooves and quick changes. The vocalist always seems to have fun as well. Moves around a lot and gets a little crazy. Great stuff.

All Shall Perish played third. I can’t get enough of these guys. They are amazing musicians and they aren’t afraid to show it and then break it down real heavy like. They had some dueling guitar solos (something I haven’t seen in a long time), and it wasn’t really that cheesy. They also were borrowing the guitarist from Sleep Terror, which is a huge feat, especially since he wasn’t playing lead – the guy is still amazing. The singer is a great frontman and they all seemed to have fun on stage, which is always nice.

Job for a cowboy, I can take or leave. I like them just fine. They’re great musicians and are pretty technical. Their stage present isn’t great, but it would be great for a top-notch supporting act. They’re headlining since they’re a draw, but if you went in order of talent and musicianship, I’m not sure they would be the headliner. They’ve got some good break down type parts, but mostly they’re fast and noodle-y.

Some things I saw at the show that cracked me up:
A) Some trashy whore-y girl wearing almost nothing. Normally fine, except she had a serious case of poison ivy on her upper body or some other unidentified rash. Girl, I appreciate your dedication to the metal show whore uniform, but hang it up until you get some salve or something.
B) During Job for a Cowboy, there was a different trashy whore dancing like a stripper to their music (and sound check). She was running her fingers through her hair and down her body all slutty. But if you know JFAC’s music, you know they don’t play the same speed or riff longer than 2 seconds, so I’m not sure what she was hearing, but she wasn’t on any sort of beat.
C) With a ratio of 75% comb-overs on the kids at the show, it was funny to watch the bands finish playing each song and then see 300 kids swing their head in unison to put their hair back on the right parted line and then run their fingers across their brows to keep it out of their eyes. You stupid followers… (sorry, just my little rant)

Top 5 things about the show:
1. Annotations Of An Autopsy
2. All of the bass players were really good and not filler
3. All of the bands seemed to enjoy themselves and the crowd
4. Trashy people watching enjoyment
5. I was home before 10pm – All ages shows rule!

Bottom 5 things
1. Sound guy – please put both guitars in BOTH main speakers so the people on the left can hear the whole band. Really bad form.
2. Hate Eternal cancelled
3. Comb-over kids
4. Coach and/or Jim weren’t able to go with me
5. I missed out on a guy selling a cheap ticket out front because he looked shady – I shouldn’t have judged (everyone looks shady at these shows)

Station 4
Annotations Of An Autopsy
Animosity
All Shall Perish
Job For A Cowboy

Ron Sexsmith – Varsity Theater – Minneapolis, MN

I’d been looking forward to this show for a couple of months and it didn’t disappoint. Trash always mocks Ron in public, but is a closet fan. After this show, she said, “I forgot how much I like his music. I’m glad I went.” In your FACE, Trash. I win. Also, it makes us deeply miss our surly Asian friend from Vancouver, WA – who introduced us to Ron Sexsmith in the first place and who will be seeing Ron and Meagan out in Portland, OR in a week or two.

The venue is a really cool place to see a show. The sound quality was good, and they had it set up coffee-house style since there wasn’t a chance in hell of a circle pit breaking out. Low lighting heavy drapes on the walls, small tables, and some comfy chairs and couches made this a really great venue for this type of show.

Meagan Smith opened the show. There’s something I like about her and something that gave me issues. I’m not sure which was which or why really. She has a great voice and sings half serious-half amusing songs. But she seemed uncomfortable talking to the crowd – and not in a cute way. It made me feel weird watching her talk. Her songs were good, though I’m still undecided on the song that some hiphop dj made prerecorded samples for. Weird, but maybe it comes off better on CD. She’s worth checking out. She got signed to a major label, so I’m guessing they’ll white it up and it will sound a bit better.

Ron played a really solid set, as usual. Played from a set list which included songs from all his albums (which I now own), and he played a couple songs that people shouted out from the crowd. He’s got good report with people and was cracking wise more than I’d seen him do the other times I’ve seen him. It was hilarious. There were some technical glitches with microphone buzzing, but he kept right on – didn’t even bother him. He made a joke about some feedback early in the show and kept right on. He even messed up a guitar part, laughed, apologized and went right on. He’s a professional, but he’s human. I like to see that once in a while. He’s a great performer, though someone once told me he looks like an ugly woman – it’s true though.

Gerd had some sort of conniption after the show about him stealing a Crosby, Stills, and Nash song (she's VERY touchy about her classic rock/folk music). But she was bored most of the show, so hopefully, she sat and stewed about that first song and it gave her something to do for the next hour. I'm kidding...

I’ll be back to see him the next time we are in the same city, so if you’re game, let me know. The more the merrier.

Top 5 things about the Ron Sexsmith show
1. Ron is an awesome guitarist – very underrated
2. Great venue
3. Ron’s backup musicians are very good
4. He’s human, emotional, hilarious, and sensitive – you should totally marry him (whoever “you” are)
5. Tickets were $10 – wurd

Bottom 5 things
1. Electric guitar was a smidge too loud
2. Loud talkers next to us
3. Ron stocks only M and L shirts – I refuse to lose weight for Ron Sexsmith
4. I didn’t get one of the previously mentioned “comfy” chairs
5. There was a drunk guy in a duster coat staggering around the crowd during the show

http://www.ronsexsmith.com/