Wrestlepalooza 9 – Minneapolis, MN

I can’t believe I’ve been to almost all of these ridiculously fun semi-pro wrestling events. Each one is more fun than the last. I’ve reviewed these before, but I wanted to keep it in front of you so you can remember to buy your tickets to these always-sold-out events. It continues to be like a huge party sponsored by PBR with wrestling, burlesque, and bands. It’s such a good time.

I got to see one of my favorite wrestlers lay some waste in the ring as well – Cody Rice: The Husky Heartthrob. He’s so fun to watch (and also to hang out with).

Here’s a couple more photos to remind you of the awesome times we have. Just go, for your own sake. Go.

Also, I love seeing people legit cry at these things. 

 

Wrestlepalooza III – Minneapolis, MN

D.Rough and I have some really fun friends who like to watch wrestling. Not the stuff you see on TV, but the amateur stuff where people try to kill themselves getting noticed by the people who do wrestle on TV. There is an outfit called F1rst Wrestling that puts on a serious wrestling-themed party at First Avenue. They bring in bands and burlesque dancers and the whole thing is sponsored by PBR. It’s incredibly fun.

D.Rough has been to ALL of the events, but this is only my second. I was super excited based on the events at the last one. And as a bonus, we got to hang with D.Rough’s cousin Nolan, which we need to do more of, apparently.

I can’t possibly get into all the details of what transpired, but I’ll give you some rough overviews and hope that is enough to convince you to go to this thing next time it’s in town. Don’t think of it as wrestling, where you point out how fake everything is. Think of it as a huge party where some guys beat up on each other and you get to yell wildly inappropriate things at people standing ten feet from you.

A plug on Facebook announced there would be a cat vs dog match (The Charismatic Canine: Yellow Dog versus The Crime Fighting Feline: Wildcat), which was absolutely awesome(ly hilarious). The dog had a puppy toy that the cat used to distract him. And the cat guy had the crowd chanting meow loudly and regularly. Classic stuff. Anywhere you sit or stand, you're going to be pretty close to the ring.

Pretty quickly, we realized there were really awesome places to stand right next to the ring. So, despite our fear of being sweated on, we moved in real tight-like.

Then, we got pushed aside as they brought out the ladders, folding chairs, garbage cans, and cookie sheets to hit each other with.

I got to stand right where the wrestlers come out after being introduced. I was mere feet from Sheik Ariya Daivari, who was boooooed loudly by the drunkenly racist crowd and cheered for by our friend Rocky.

We got to see the Minnesota RollerGirls Announcer John Maddening get kicked in the jimmy before being face slammed before our very eyes (yes, it’s fake, and yes, he DID actually get hurt).

Then, the Wildcat and Yellow Dog came back out to smack around the two kilted fellows by jumping off the speakers onto the floor and then flipping off the top ropes for the pin.

We also got to see Zero Gravity wrestle with the North Star Express, Playboy Pete Huge, 6% Body Fat Rob James, Horace the Psychopath, “The Anarchist” Arik Cannon, and a bunch of other people killing themselves for our entertainment.

Big thanks to the really fun burlesque dancers SweetPea and Queenie von Curves!

And an equally big thanks to Lipstick Homicide, a female fronted punk band from Iowa City, and Bloodnstuff from Minneapolis.

Seriously, that was some of the best fun I’ve had in a long time. I can’t wait until Wrestlepalooza IV!!!!!!

Dr. Pepper 10 – Eden Prairie, MN

I’ll admit, I was amused (and only a little bit horrified) by the ads for Dr. Pepper’s newest creation: TEN. It explicitly says it is NOT for women. Sure that excludes a whole portion of the world’s population, but it’s ok! Based on research the company did, women proudly drink diet sodas, while men are afraid of being made fun of by their peers for drinking diet sodas (I’ve never seen this, but whatever). They kept in some of the sugar in the recipe, but enough that it still had 10 calories. That’s TEN times more manly calories than many diet sodas that women drink. So BADASS!!!! (I’m ooooozing with sarcasm, in case you hadn’t noticed)

I thought I’d check it out at work, since I could hide in my cube and dump it out if it sucked, and also so my “empowered” and lovely wife wouldn’t talk shit while I drank it – while flexing – in front of her. I gave it a couple of cautious sips. I’m not sure why I was cautious, but maybe I was afraid it would be riddled with testosterone and I’d kick a hole through my office wall and wrestle a janitor or something. Nope, nothing of the sort. And it truly tastes JUST like Dr. Pepper. I don’t think it matter what sort of equipment you’re operating in your swimsuit area – it’s delicious.

What the researchers may not have factored in was WHERE people might drink this Dr. Pepper TEN. For example, I’m now embarrassed to be seen drinking it at work by any of the 1,000 ladies in my office for fear of being seen as a d-bag. Will they worry I’ll punch them on the stomach and spit on them while they’re curled up in a ball and roid-roar “IT’S NOT FOR WOMEN!!!”? (probably not) Even so, I’m still going to bury the empty bottle in my garbage can under papers when I leave the office, just so no one mistakes me for THAT guy. Are you supposed to drink it around other guys? Is it a church drink? Is it a sporting event/NASCAR drink? Is it a kid’s soccer game drink? Is it a women’s lib rally drink? Will astronauts drink it? Are they unloading pallets of this stuff at men’s prisons? I have sooo many questions to ask Dr. Snapple if I run into him.

Again, I’m not condoning beverage-segregation, but if that’s what the research says is the target market, then I have to go with it. I’ll try to refrain from punching any ladies though. (Though I do want to go home and put on a wife-beater and sit in the yard yelling about things not being for women... Until my wife gets home and knocks me into next week.)

Madball Show at the Triple Rock Social Club – Minneapolis, MN

This is a combination food and music review, just so you know what you’re in for. Also, this is from a few months back, I just finally got around to editing my notes and posting it. My apologies.

I’ve been a Madball fan since the early 90’s, which means they’ve been around approximately 20 years. That’s a long time in the world of hardcore music. It’s a REALLY long time in the world of tough-guy hardcore music. I won’t get into all the intricacies and sub-genres of hardcore, but suffice it to say, this band brings with it a track record of blood, fighting, punching, and kicking to its live shows. When I heard they were playing in Minneapolis at the Triple Rock, I was pretty sure I was going. When I realized it was oan Wednesday night that I didn’t have my MBA class, I knew for sure I was going. What’s the significance of Wednesday night, you ask? Well, Wednesdays are “Free Bacon Night” at the Triple Rock. Could this be the best day ever!!?!?!???!!?

After some timing discrepancies on when the show actually started (the tickets and one website said 4:30pm, another website and Facebook said 7:00pm). I got it all straightened out and headed over. There weren’t a lot of people when I got there and they hadn’t started the show (likely for that reason). I grabbed a Strongbow from the concert-area bar and just stood there like a dummy. Free bacon didn’t start until 9pm, so I had some time to kill.

The first band went on, “Big Bang Fury”, and were decent. The lyrics were a little Dr. Suess – literally “There’s a Wocket in my Pocket” – and the band really didn’t move at all, but I have heard way worse. I probably won’t pick up their CD, but I’d stand through them again. At the time, there were maybe 30 people there at the show, including what appeared to be relatives of the band members and such. Hilarious. (And yes, I’ve been there, so I know what that’s like).

After they finished up, I decided to hit up the real bar and peruse the menu. I also grabbed another Strongbow while I was waiting to decide on something. The menu here at the Triple Rock always impresses me. I somehow forget that this place has MUCH better than average food and also cater to vegetarians where possible. One of the things I always seem to get is the Poutine. For those that don’t’ know, I’m huge Poutine fan – it’s French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy – that’s hard to pass up even if you’re not from Canada, where the dish was invented. I decided to try something new and got the BBQ Cajun Chicken Po Boy. And a Jack Daniels – neat.

People watching at the Triple Rock I always fun, so there’s never a lack of entertainment when you’re waiting for food. Also, they have fun things hanging on the walls in the bar area. For example, this memorial photo of Ronnie James Dio (RIP), and also a dolla dn photo of Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrisian from Star Wars).
9 o’clock rolled around and I saw the first of the bacon baskets rolling out. The bartender brought me over a basket along with some popcorn – I hadn’t seen that here before. So the skinny on the free appetizers is this: the bacon is baked partially and then finished in the deep fryer, so it’s amazingly awesome. The popcorn is then cooked in the bacon grease, so it is almost as delicious as the bacon itself. I was REALLY glad I came to the show tonight.

The Po Boy came out right after I got the popcorn and bacon, so that worked out really well for me. This Po Boy is one of the better ones I’ve had. It had a few onions in it, but the chicken was delicious. Seasoned with Cajun seasoning and with delicious BBQ flavor and with potatoes and pepperjack cheese, this sandwich was a force to be reckoned with. Sooooo good. The bun seemed tiny when compared with the insides of the thing, but even the bun had some butter on it and was toasted nicely. Top notch sandwich that I would recommend highly.
I knew I had missed at least one band, but was bummed to find out I actually missed the other two bands. So when I went into the show, they were setting up Madball’s stuff on stage and there were considerably more people there. I was still surprised this place wasn’t more full of fans, but maybe they’re not the big deal they used to be (in some people’s eyes). It didn’t matter, the people that were there were there because they love Madball, or because they’re old guys like me and loved them back when we were all kids.

The show started and things got very aggressive very fast. Not much of an intro – just straight into the songs. They played a lot of old stuff (they do have a ton of albums to choose from, so that’s not difficult), but they also played some stuff off their 2010 release “Empire”. These guys played REALLY straight forward, almost simple, tough-guy hardcore. IT isn’t meant to be impressive. It’s meant to get you feeling aggressive and want to punch people. I’m NOT kidding. It is very drum driven and the guitar and bass are secondary. The lyrics are generally about brotherhood and fighting for your boys and keeping your word. A lot of people don’t get this and just see the violence (which is pretty easy to spot, since people are punching, spin-kicking, and just running into crowds of people and punching wildly), but music was originally meat to evoke feelings and this follows that line of thought at its most core and basic sense.

I didn’t see any blood on the floor and the crowd seemed more subdued than previous crowds I’ve seen. But everyone seemed to know the words, even to the new songs which is always nice. The guys in the band still get the crowd going. Freddy, the singer has filled out, but isn’t fat. He’s just no longer a scrawny scrappy kid covered in tattoos. He’s done some jail time and has clearly been working out. He seems to have mellowed his stage presence over the years in that he was actually nice to the crowd and appreciative people were there, even if they weren’t on the floor punching the hell out of each other. Frankly, that was nice to hear him say. There were still kids jumping onto the stage to sing along, and jumping off the stage to take out as many people as they could, so that was as it should be and a welcome comfort.
This was one of the tightest shows I’ve seen them play. They’ve been doing this a long time, so you’d think they’d be tight, but this style of music, anything goes. The louder and harder, the better. The music is secondary to the message and emotion. You don’t have to play flawlessly to bring out the tough-guy in everyone in the crowd. That’s what you can always count on from these guys.

For my friends that missed the show, even though I had free tickets for them, you missed a fantastic show. I however, was filled with bacon and testosterone and will be listening to nothing but tough-guy music for the next couple of weeks. I don’t mind reliving my youth and being pissed off for a time. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about when I say tough-guy hardcore, see if you can find some youtube videos by these bands. Then you’ll understand better:

Madball
NJ Bloodline
Clubber Lang
I.R.A.T.E.
Knuckle Dust
xDeathstarx
Sick Of It All
District 9
Judge
On a Warpath
Die…My Demon
Born From Pain
Cast Aside
Cataract
Disrespect
Betrayal

MMA Extreme Challenge 188 – Target Center – Minneapolis, MN

Here’s the surprising part: I won tickets to an event! Here’s the not surprising part: I won them through Taco Bell!

I will give a disclaimer that I’m likely to offend people by this review. If you’re offended, you’re probably one of the people I’m commenting on, and I offer no apology. However, the rest of the population will find it amusing, factual, and will join me in pointing fingers and laughing at you.

I got an email saying I won two tickets to the MMA Extreme Challenge 188 because I had entered some contest. So I wrote the person back basically asking, “Really???” Of course I was suspicious. But the lady assured me I could pick up tickets at the Target Center Box Office the day before. I took off a little early from work and drove downtown. You know when a bad time to go the Target Center Box Office is? Right before a Twins game – right next to the Target Center. So basically to park my car and run in to pick up the tickets was going to cost me $20. Ouch. Thankfully, a nice lady-cop helped me out and it only cost me a dollar. And no I won’t tell you how to make that happen – I’m not giving away my new found secret.

The following night, D.Rough and I headed to the Target Center after hours of deciding what to wear. How would we fit in? Is it classy like a Vegas fight? Is it wife beaters and cut-off jorts? Or is it Ed Hardy D-Bag sparkle shirts with backwards baseball hats and $200 jeans. Turns out it’s the latter.

Let me start by saying the douch-baggery started before we even got into the event. Out in the ticket window area (there were some minor mix ups in the tickets), there was a large group of people with a d-bag father who had bought a bunch of tickets for a group of his kids and his kid’s friends. The handful of tickets were given to the family in the hands of one moronically-dressed two-toned haired whore. She turned around and started handing out the tickets. We heard some of the kids say – wow, we didn’t buy $82 tickets – sweet. Then we heard the father absolutely blow up, insult the window lady, and demand a manager “who wasn’t an idiot” when he didn’t get one of the chosen few $82 tickets and didn’t think to ask his kid’s friends who got the special seats he had bought. He caused a scene and was a complete dill hole about the whole thing. I loathe people like that. L. O. A. T. H. E.

Once inside, the d-baggery continued. I felt I didn’t have enough gold and silver lamé on my shirt – mainly because I didn’t have ANY – and I wasn’t wearing a baseball hat backwards. In fact, the only people who had their hats on the proper direction were the people wearing golf hats and were clearly out of place. Also, my shirt was the proper size. I didn’t choose to wear the same size shirt as I had in Jr. High. Again, I stuck out. I also didn’t have a pencil thin chin strap beard or a soul patch, so I’m sure people thought I was in the wrong venue.

I was amazingly underwhelmed at the crowd at this thing. Seriously, there were 1,500-2000 people there, and that might be generous. The place was barren. They had half of the Target Center curtained off. HALF, and the octagon was in the middle of the floor with whores (the girls that walk around with giant cards telling you what round it is) and d-bags who had paid $200+ for ringside seats – yes, I’m serious. TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS.

The first fight had started right when we got there. They do the amateur bouts first. No knees, no elbows, three rounds. These are just regular joes who like to beat the hell out of each other. Some big, some small, some in shape, some not so much, some scrappy, some monstrous – a wide variety. On top of all this, the ring announcer was completely indecipherable. He basically yelled in a sing-song voice and we really couldn't make out any of the words he was saying. Heck, who knows - maybe the MMA has its own language, or maybe the sparkly shirts are some sort of communication translator.

This is my "Really?" face, seen most of the evening.

The people in the crowd were loud and drunk, even though there was absolutely zero energy in the air. None. I can remember watching AWA and WCW wrestling when I was a kid and despite it looking like it was filmed in someone’s basement with folding chairs, it had a million times more energy in the crowd.

But I did take the opportunity to write down verbatim what some of the drunks were yelling. Mainly because it amused the hell out of me. Here’s some select words yelled by the people around me towards the octagon:
Sock em up! Throw the right! Chop him down! 1-2-3! Shoulda kicked! Pick him up and slam him! Choke his ass out! Right in the triangle! Beat them kidneys! Make him piss blood! Keep it going! He's looking for a triangle! Put it on him! Squeeze! Drop a knee on him! Knee hook! Show him what Superior’s all about! (this was directed to a fighter from Superior, Wisconsin) Pound him! Get that leg out!

D.Rough tried to join in by yelling “neck squish!” She claims it’s a technical term. It was ineffective.

I sort of hated everything at a certain point, so I did what I do best – I went to the concession stand. I mentioned there was no one at the event, right? (1,500 doesn’t fill the Target Center if you’re wondering). I even took a picture of the concourse to show you how busy it is. Seriously, this is during the event. Even Lynx games have more people than this (I had a blast at the last Lynx game I went to, so I’m not taking a shot at them, I promise).

I grabbed a brat and some nachos for D.Rough and I to share and we listened to the concession stand worker complain about the number of people working the booths that night when there was no one there. We looked around and they were fully staffed. FULLY. Not all of the booths were open (no State Fair booth, sadly), but there were like 6 booths open and fully staffed with people literally sitting around doing nothing. All night. Sucked to be them and I felt bad.

D.Rough and I ate some of our food out in the concourse, since it was much quieter out there and no one was going to disturb us.

We went back in right before the intermission and were surprised to see abolsultely nothing going on. I’m used to real sporting events where you get some sort of entertainment during the half time space. They could have taken their cue from roller derby and maybe had little kids come out and show their MMA skillz. Yeah, show all these people that your daddies taught you to beat the hell out of someone until their unconscious – that’s fun, right?

The second half started and was the professional fighters. These guys can use their knees and elbows and they go for five minute rounds – five of them. This part just got long and boring. We had moved seats so we could sit with some of our friends who were actually into the event, but we seriously gave up after the second professional fighter round. Just not very action packed and no one was winning. There was a lot of blood though.

Some things I found amusing, besides the d-bags in the crowd:

• “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins is not really the best theme song to walk out to at a sporting event. It’s a real downer until about halfway through the song. Maybe he was trying to lull the crowd – sadly, they appeared already lulled.
• There is a sound played when there is ten seconds left in the round or the break between rounds. It actually is the sound of an orchestra conductor tapping his baton on the music stand to get the ensemble’s attention. Really a weird place to hear that sound.
• The tables on the main floor were for groups of ten – you HAD to buy ten tickets to get a table – and the seats were $102 each. Not surprisingly, not all of them were full.
• I found it amusing the write-ups for this event were saying this is an inferior league to UFC. People who do well in this league get tomove up to the UFC where the real fighters are at. The main event – that we missed – was between two guys who had fought each other 67 times and still weren’t in the UFC. That’s a lot of brain damage to sustain before getting to the big leagues.
• I feel like this sort of thing is one step from sending lions into the ring and watching people die. It’s not like I’m squeamish or anything. I was just bored. Maybe lions would have helped.
• There was a long-haired ginger fighting in one of the bouts. He came out wearing a karate Gi and had his hair ina pony tail. The guy had obviously never even seen the sun, once that Gi came off. The second we saw that, D.Rough said flatly, “I’ll bet he’s got a lot of ninja swords at home.” Classic, and that’s why I’m marrying her.
• We actually paid $12 for a beer at the Target Center.

My recommendation? Skip the MMA and go to a real sporting event, like Roller Derby. The Minnesota Roller Girls draw 5,000 people at their home season bouts and have a pre-show AND a half time show. All for $12. In fact, all for the price of one large beer at the Target Center.

For Blood, Born of Osiris, Impending Doom, Emmure, Unearth – Station 4 – St. Paul, MN

As soon as I heard Born of Osiris was playing this show, I knew I was going. I love their stuff and couldn’t wait to see them live.

The website for Station 4 said the show started at 6:30 and was all ages. Fine. I showed up at 6pm expecting to walk right in. Alas, no, the doors open at 6:30, so I was waiting outside in the cold and snow. Have you been to Minnesota in January? Here’s an idea of what it’s like if you're sitting in my car:

Yeah, that’s minus 17.

I’ve got jeans and a sweatshirt on, so I’m freezing. But I’m not a stupid teenager, so I didn’t have shorts and a t-shirt on. Morons.

For Blood started the show. They’re a good tough-guy metal/hardcore mosh band. The drummer is actually REALLY good for a HC drummer. It’s nice to see. The guys looked like they liked being there. I bought their CD and expect it to be pretty good (haven’t listened to it yet).

Then, Born of Osiris took the stage. They were super tight and had awesome vocal interaction between the mains singer and the keyboardist (yes, keyboardist). The drummer was amazing, but the two guitarist kind of stood there noodling their awesome solos. I understand what you are playing is difficult, but don’t watch your fingers. And to steal a line from an x-roommate, the Asian guitarist had no business with that beard. The keyboardists moved around a lot and when he wasn’t playing, he’d move around the stage – go him for having stage presence – that’s nice to see. The bass player was really good but kind of got lost in the mix. And even when there were fruity guitars, the vocals still stayed tough – that’s how it should be. Great band, but I think better on cd when you can pick up on all the awesome stuff they do.

Impending Doom is a severely down-tuned and boring death metal band. They had a couple of breakdowns thrown in but even that didn’t get the crowd moving. Their gimmick is wearing matching black dress shirts with what I assumed was a pentagram on the pocket. I thought that until they started preaching about their lord and savior Jesus and also noticed they used the word “frick” enough to annoy me. Apparently, they’re a severely down-tuned and boring x-tian death metal band.

Emmure is a band I don’t give enough credit to. I like them a lot and now that I’ve seen them live, I think they kind of stole the show a little bit. Even though they had some hand clapping parts, they were still tough. They were very professional on stage, playing, presence, and speaking – lots of energy and talent. The drumming was amazing and sometimes it seemed like breakdown after breakdown (not necessarily in a bad way). The singer didn’t thrill me because he forgot to use consonants in a couple of spots. Just “agh agh agh agh agh” for long periods. Then he would yell, “Come on, you know the words!” hilarious, but I don’t think he was joking.

Unearth is a great band. I’ve tried NOT to like them since they kind of got big there for a while. But there’s a reason – I really think they’re a great band. I just forgot how good they were. The guitarists were both super talented and had some hilarious stage antics like they actually enjoyed being on stage. The drumming was top notch as expected, but still great to see live. There was a little handclapping, but not enough to be annoying. They played tons of their older stuff which ruled and even the new songs sounded awesome. I’m glad I didn’t leave early.

And I’ve talked about Station 4’s sound before, but I still hate only having one guitar per channel. It always sounds like I’m driving in my friend Coach’s car when he only had the left speaker functional. The songs sound totally different. Even if you put a little of the left guitar in the right speaker, it sounds better.

Top 5 things about the show
1. Emmure
2. Unearth
3. Born of Osiris
4. Chatting up one of the scene kid’s moms (who was my age – ouch)
5. For Blood

Bottom 5 things
1. Freezing my nards off
2. Only hearing one guitarist
3. The mini tacos hurt my stomach a bit
4. Doesn’t anyone have 2X shirts?
5. Impending Doom

For Blood
Born of Osiris
Impending Doom
Emmure
Unearth
Station 4

Minnesota RollerGirls – Roy Wilkins Auditorium - St. Paul, MN

This is going to be a long post, since it was such an awesome night. We sent out eVites to like 50 people trying to get people fired up about this sport. We got a couple of positive responses, so we were thrilled. Gerd and I LOVE roller derby, so we’re trying to spread the word.

We fought the Minnesota Wild traffic (NHL hockey team was playing the same night next door) and made it inside FAR earlier than we anticipated. I grabbed us some drinks and we hunkered down to wait for our group of people. We threw some coats on chairs around us, since the place was starting to fill up. There were SOOO many people that showed up in the auditorium. Waaaay more than the last bout we went to. Apparently Minnesotans love their roller derby!

The pre-show was the twin cities unicycle club. I missed a lot of it since I was in line for drinks, but what I caught was awesome. They did some jumping of bodies (live not corpses) which looks tough on a unicycle. They did some stair climbing and tight-rope cycling. They did some formations and stuff. Did I mention they had really young kids on tall unicycles? Like under 10 year olds!! Then they did a roller derby game called king/queen of the rink – last person on one wheel wins. It was hilarious and strangely cut-throat. They were just blasting each other and it came down to two guys and one little girl. The girl got taken out and the crowd started booing. IT was awesome. Great act before the bout, for sure!!!

It was another all-star game, so the first round was the rookies skating a punk vs disco theme. Lots of black clothes on one team, lots of sequence and hotpants on the other. I love watching the “green” skaters battle it out. They’ve got all the spirit, and much less of the talent. They fall at random sometimes and yet, they’re giving it their all. Go them.

The second round was the grudge match between the MN Rollergirls and the Madison Dairyland Dolls. Madison was won this competition four years in a row, so it was kind firing people up. This was serious action, complete with a little showboating which is always nice to see. These girls can really skate. I’m always impressed when I see them slingshot other skaters or jump over people or do some fancy contortion to get through the pack first. It’s awesome.

The halftime show was the Bratwurst Brothers, a local polka band. They got the crowd out onto the rink and polka dancing fast and furiously. Kind of impressive when there’s a thousand or so people dancing all spinny at the same time. The other 2000 people remained in the stands SINGING all the words to the songs. I didn’t even know there were words to songs other than roll out the barrel!

The third round (round two for the punk vs disco) was a solid round although pretty uneventful. I honestly don’t even remember who won – I think the punks?

The fourth round was the final round of the all-stars. Minnesota was trailing 95% of the round. The girls were getting more aggressive though. The ref started calling penalties left and right. At one point, there were more girls in the penalty box than on the rink. These penalties started to matter because MN started making a serious comeback. Down like 30 points, the girls were playing hard (aka dirty). A couple of times with Madison’s jammer in the penalty box allowed MN to make up serious points (like 14 in one jam!).

The crowd was going crazy! It was soooo loud in there. Time on the clock ran out, and most people thought it was over with Madison in the lead, but time ran out with both jammers in the penalty box, and according to the rules, you can’t finish a bout with a jammer-less jam. So they lined them back up for one last time. Suzie Smashbox, one of the best jammers I’ve ever seen, absolutely destroyed the pack. Lapped everyone and went back for more points!!! The crowd was on their feet screaming. The jam finished and we had to wait for the final point tally…. Minnesota won by TWO points!!! Insane. People were hugging and kissing babies and sloshing beer all over. It was the most intense sporting event I‘ve ever been to. Totally awesome.

All the people in our group were brand new to the sport and I was glad they got to see an awesome bout. It couldn’t have been any better.

We left and headed to Mancini’s Lounge for some after-bout drinks with most of our group. That place is straight outta Swingers. Red leather couches, mirrors everywhere, and a top 40 live band. Awesome. We ended up shutting the place down – it was a late night…

Top 5 things about roller derby
1. Girls on roller skates
2. Intense competition/skill
3. Crowd energy, close to 4000 fans
4. They serve mixed drinks…many mixed drinks…
5. Programs are an AWESOME touch

Bottom 5 things
1. Traffic from the Wild game
2. I didn’t know the words to the polka songs, so I felt like a loser
3. The lines for mixed drinks were long (like at most sporting events)
4. I missed most of the unicycle pre-show
5. I had to hold back a little since I was with work people

www.mnrollergirls.com

Job For A Cowboy, All Shall Perish, Animosity, Annotations Of An Autopsy – Station 4 – St. Paul, MN

I’ll try to be quick about this show. This is a serious tech metal bill. All of the bands are super talented musicians, so there wasn’t even a question whether these guys were good. Hate Eternal was supposed to play, but cancelled “due to an injury” according to signage posted outside. Bummer, as I was looking forward to seeing Derek Roddy play some smoking fast drums.

The first band, Annotations Of An Autopsy, is from England. These guys can play. They’re very technical with some pig squeal vocals and low growls (like most of the bands). They had fun on stage and seemed genuinely surprised at the crowd being so into them. They attempted a wall of death, but didn’t tell everyone when to go, so it flopped. If you don’t know what a wall of death is, look at youtube. These guys should have played later. I liked them a lot.

Animosity played second and I really love these guys. Their newer stuff is a little more chaotic, but I saw them play in Davenport, Iowa, a couple of years ago, and they were incredible. Great musicians with lots of fun grooves and quick changes. The vocalist always seems to have fun as well. Moves around a lot and gets a little crazy. Great stuff.

All Shall Perish played third. I can’t get enough of these guys. They are amazing musicians and they aren’t afraid to show it and then break it down real heavy like. They had some dueling guitar solos (something I haven’t seen in a long time), and it wasn’t really that cheesy. They also were borrowing the guitarist from Sleep Terror, which is a huge feat, especially since he wasn’t playing lead – the guy is still amazing. The singer is a great frontman and they all seemed to have fun on stage, which is always nice.

Job for a cowboy, I can take or leave. I like them just fine. They’re great musicians and are pretty technical. Their stage present isn’t great, but it would be great for a top-notch supporting act. They’re headlining since they’re a draw, but if you went in order of talent and musicianship, I’m not sure they would be the headliner. They’ve got some good break down type parts, but mostly they’re fast and noodle-y.

Some things I saw at the show that cracked me up:
A) Some trashy whore-y girl wearing almost nothing. Normally fine, except she had a serious case of poison ivy on her upper body or some other unidentified rash. Girl, I appreciate your dedication to the metal show whore uniform, but hang it up until you get some salve or something.
B) During Job for a Cowboy, there was a different trashy whore dancing like a stripper to their music (and sound check). She was running her fingers through her hair and down her body all slutty. But if you know JFAC’s music, you know they don’t play the same speed or riff longer than 2 seconds, so I’m not sure what she was hearing, but she wasn’t on any sort of beat.
C) With a ratio of 75% comb-overs on the kids at the show, it was funny to watch the bands finish playing each song and then see 300 kids swing their head in unison to put their hair back on the right parted line and then run their fingers across their brows to keep it out of their eyes. You stupid followers… (sorry, just my little rant)

Top 5 things about the show:
1. Annotations Of An Autopsy
2. All of the bass players were really good and not filler
3. All of the bands seemed to enjoy themselves and the crowd
4. Trashy people watching enjoyment
5. I was home before 10pm – All ages shows rule!

Bottom 5 things
1. Sound guy – please put both guitars in BOTH main speakers so the people on the left can hear the whole band. Really bad form.
2. Hate Eternal cancelled
3. Comb-over kids
4. Coach and/or Jim weren’t able to go with me
5. I missed out on a guy selling a cheap ticket out front because he looked shady – I shouldn’t have judged (everyone looks shady at these shows)

Station 4
Annotations Of An Autopsy
Animosity
All Shall Perish
Job For A Cowboy

Rhinoceros, xTyrantx, Venia, Birth Of A Hero - St. Paul, MN

I hit up Station 4 in St. Paul for a sweet hardcore show on the 31st. Since I’m a bonehead, I completely forgot about the Republican National Convention, and the fact that the entire downtown area of St. Paul was under military protection. I got completely lost due to them re-routing all the roads. I ended up having to circle around the east side of St. Paul and sneaking in one of the side streets. It was worth it. I blame myself.

Birth of a Hero, local Courage Crew act, started it off. It was my first time seeing them, but I knew the signer through one of my previous bands, so I needed to check them out. Most of them had good energy and good sound. One of the guitarists broke a string in the first song (good for him for rockin it out), and took forever to change strings. Someone yelled, “Buy a backup guitar!” I second that. It’s just professional and courteous not to make your audience stand around for what seems like ages. The other guitarist seemed like he was trying hard to play the right notes, which as we all know is not the point of hardcore music. I think Brett, the singer, is a good front man. He’s got a ways to go, but he’s got a great start. I like his style.

Venia played next. I don’t know much about them, but the singer blew his voice out early. They weren’t bad. The singer had on a “god filled” somethingorother shirt and talked about abortion, but he wasn’t preachy about it, so it was fine. He sang as long as he could and tried to get the crowd to sing some to relieve him. They didn’t play anything that really stuck with me and didn’t have a ton of energy, but they were listenable. But I will give these kids credit for dancing for every band. I love to see that, even if I’m too fat and old to do it myself. These kids have fun

xTyrantx played next – that’s who I came to see. John, the singer of this tough guy Courage Crew band, has come a long way from his early days of hardcore. His pipes have gotten better. His stage presence has gotten better. He’s become an amazing shirt designer. We talked about when played in King of Clubz back in the day – it was nice to see him grown up musically and personally. His band has a bunch of good guys in it as well. These guys are pretty tough. I was disappointed because their second vocalist Dave wasn’t there, but John pulled it off really well. These guys are tough. Go check them out. They’ve got a new cd coming out. Can’t wait.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see the headliner, Rhinoceros, due to the fact that I had to make a quick trip to the emergency room – see previous post. I’m sure they were good, though.

My favorite local hardcore (kind of) guy was there also. He looks like a slimmer version of Kevin James from King of Queens. He thinks he’s way bigger than he is. He walks with his arms out as if he were too huge to put them at his sides. He wears too small polo shirts and occasionally takes it off. He doesn’t dance all that well, but he protects his face at all costs, to the point of comedy. Classic. I look forward to that guy at every show.

And as usual, Station 4 has great sound. It tends to be a big venue for all ages hardcore shows, but it’s still a good venue.

Top 5 things
1. xTyrantx is tough
2. Birth of a Hero – glad I got to see them finally
3. The Kevin James guy
4. The venue has fans blowing everywhere, so it’s bearable – only venue EVER to do that
5. Sound quality of the venue

Bottom 5 things
1. Venue is too big for hardcore
2. Couldn’t get to the venue due to the RNC
3. Got lost trying to find Jimmy Johns with Tyrant
4. I missed Rhinoceros
5. Waiting for the guitarist to change strings


www.myspace.com/BIRTHOFAHEROMPLS
www.myspace.com/veniamusic
www.myspace.com/xtyrantx
www.myspace.com/rhinoceros716