I knew it was going to be one of those days when I pulled up to the place. The entire restaurant looks like the back of the restaurant. There is not actually a defined entrance to this place. In fact, I’ll venture there are probably twelve doors on the outside of the building, yet only 5 or 6 operating yet completely different entrances. I got out of my car and tried two doors and neither of them opened. Seriously weird. I walked around the entire building and got denied by a third door (I’m NOT joking) and then eventually found one that would open and let me in. However, I was standing in a long hallway with old-timey booths on either side and no employees were actually visible. I TOLD you it was weird.
I grabbed a seat at an empty booth and waited for someone to come help me. I didn’t wait long before I saw the menus on the table. I grabbed one and started looking. It’s an old-folks kind of greasy spoon diner atmosphere that hasn’t changed in probably 50 years. Kids meals still come with a sucker and a toy and each burger comes with the bun buttered. I also started laughing at the hilarious things on the menu. For example, the Taco Salad is NOT available on Friday? Why the hell would it NOT be available then?
Kroll’s East won “Best of the Bay” in 2009 for its chili and its burgers. Which, of course, means you can get chili on anything.
I wish I had known this during the year when Coach used to make fun of me because I would order things at restaurants and then ask them to dump chili all over everything – again, I’m dead serious. So at Kroll’s, the spaghetti actually comes with chili on it and you have to ask for it NOT to be on there.
Finally, the whitest Nachos in the world were pictured on the menu – chips with pump cheese and… wait for it… CHILI!!!I finally figured out what I wanted and then started to get… um… anxious that no one had come to take my order nor even acknowledged my existence. Right about then, I noticed in very small print at the top of the menu, “Any booth along the wall, please push button for service. Please pay when served.”
Where was this button? Oh wait. Here it is. Behind the menus.
I hate it when there’s a hidden button (twhs). I pushed it and sure enough, a waitress showed up to take my order. I had decided on one of the world famous burgers and a Dew. The place has fountain soda and cans, so they’ve got quite a collection to choose from – but you KNOW I stopped on Dew when I read that. Apparently, these world famous burgers are served on hard roll. To me, this is weird, but maybe it’s a perfectly normal regional thing. But really? A hard roll? Who wants to crunch their way through a crunchy roll to get to the juicy beefy innards? Oh well, I was hoping the butter that they claim to slather on everything would moisten up the roll. The waitress asked me if I’d like it cut in half, and confused, I replied, “Sure, why not?” Then I was told to push the secret button on the wall again, so the master control button watcher knew I had been taken care of.
The girl went away, and I got caught up on some emails on my phone. Thankfully, the food didn’t take long to arrive. I forgot the menu said (in small print) that you were supposed to pay when the food arrives, so I got “the look” when I wasn’t ready with cash in hand. I’m guessing this is the kind of place where old guys come in and order the exact same thing every day and count out their pennies and nickels from their hundred-year-old coin pouches that you squeeze to open and then stare creepily at the young girls working (I didn’t have a coin pouch but I can work on the other part…). I paid and the waitress left without so much as a word. This button and pre-payment system is clearly designed to minimize the interaction with customers in this booth-hallway. I never saw the waitress again. This place isn’t getting any less weird. (But it will get MORE weird before it’s over…)
The burger that I got was wrapped in waxed paper which made me recall an episode of the Simpsons where Doctor Nick tells Homer that anything he rubs on a napkin that causes the napkin to become see-through is alright to eat. This burger was easily going to make this list since I could see right through the paper due to the grease from the butter-topped roll and the juice from the burger.
The burger was cut in half as directed, and it’s a good thing it was. This hard roll makes the thing difficult to eat. Soft and amazingly juicy insides protected by what seemed like an iron bread helmet. Just plain weird, if you ask me. I’m not a fan of hard roll burgers. Did they let bread go bad accidentally and then decide to make it seem intentional or something? Who does that?The burger patties themselves looked like they were identical pre-formed patties, which I was a little bummed about. They were super amazingly juicy (or maybe greasy, but it’s hard to tell with all the butter), so I’m not complaining about that part, I was just surprised. I had asked for it with ketchup on it, and they didn’t skimp on that at ALL. It was about the amount I’d normally have put on and I’m a ketchup-aholic. Well done, Kroll’s condiment person! This thing is a mess to eat with all the juice and ketchup and tomatoes flying all over the place and still protected with a lock box of bread. The burger was decent in the end, but seriously, the hard roll? I’d steer people away from it unless you’re used to it.
I didn’t see the waitress after our initial interaction, so I left a tip and headed out the door. I figured since there wasn’t anyone around in my area, I’d go check out the place since it is huge and those hundreds of doors had to lead SOMEWHERE. It’s like a big D&D building or something. One of the doorways led to an area with counter service and short stools with a short order cook in the middle. Then another doorway led into a large dining room with lots of tables. Then I walked past a large banquet-type room for receptions and things. Then I saw an area with an entire bar area. I had NO IDEA all these small little sub-systems were going on inside all this fortress of secret doorways.
Top 5 things about Kroll’s East
1. Juicy burger
2. Kroll’s East knows how to put ketchup on a burger
3. There’s a room for every mood a customer could have (if you can get into the building)
4. You will not be pestered by an overbearing server at this place
5. They have Dew
Bottom 5 things
1. Hard roll burgers – sorry, I’m not a fan, but that’s just me
2. Very weird layout and unusable doors
3. Putting chili on things does not make it Mexican nor enhance Italian-iosity – it makes it WHITE
4. Hidden button (he he) and hidden instructions on the menu
5. Weirdest atmosphere of a restaurant/staff possibly ever
www.foodspot.com/Clients/WI/GreenBay/KrollsEast/default.aspx?accid=13309
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