Crystal Garden – Minneapolis, MN

A-Wow and I had finished our work-based-biometric-screening-that-impacts-how-much-we-pay-for-health-insurance-premiums, so it is time again to let our bodies go for 11.5 more months. We usually hit up a buffet to really maximize our caloric intake and today was no different. We picked a spot neither of us had been, so we were really going into this with low expectations. I mean, one of our worst experiences was Wang’s, and they’ve since closed – so it couldn’t be worse than that.

The place is a challenge to get to, first off. You can only see the place from one direction on Hiawatha Ave, and if you SEE it, you’ve already driven past it and can’t get back to it. So, you have to circle behind a couple of buildings and a gas station to find it. Then, add on a bunch of construction to the mix and you consider yourself lucky to get to the business. However, A-Wow and I are tenacious, when it comes to food.

The inside is a pretty typical mom and pop Chinese restaurant, so not much to note here. A lot of older Caucasian folks in this particular lunch crowd. The buffet does have a decent spread, which was nice. However, many, if not most, of the name tags above them were scrambled in a pretty hilarious way, so you really didn’t know what you were getting. (Note: during our second trip to the buffet, there was an attempt made by the staff to correct this slightly)

As you can see, a lot of the food is friend and/or brown. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I like to point it out for my vegetarian friends who expect a little more color on the plate. The vegetables that DID exist were actually pretty good. The first plate ended up being more appetizer-y things than entrees, but that happens when I haven’t gotten a good feel for buffet items in relation to plate real estate. I’m not an egg foo yung guy, but the old people here were literally eating it up – it had to be replaced multiple times while we were there. The food was actually surprisingly delicious – better than expected, which was nice. They know their way around a fryer, clearly, and the food didn’t taste greasy. The cream cheese wontons were actually some sort of pork product packets, but whatever. The egg drop soup, which I know everyone likes different styles, is of the “snot” variety with lots of egg yolks and not much broth. It was tasty though.

Plate two – more of the same, but with more entrees. Delicious.

What? There’s more? Yes. Plate three. A-Wow is more polite than I am, so he stuck with only two plates. Will power: Something I don’t excel in.

This place is about average or slightly better than average in the grand scheme of Chinese food buffets. I’m not sorry I ate here, but I know there are other buffets to try before I end up back here. Not bad, though! Definitely worth a try if you fully intend to go there – you’re not going to swing past it and remember in time to make the turn to find it. Plus, the price is right - $7.75 during the week.

http://www.crystal-garden-mn.com

Nally’s Kitchen – Davenport, IA

D.Rough and I were in the Quad Cities visiting some friends and we both stumbled across recommendations for this place independently – which meant we probably should go there. 

It’s a small little shop, but it does have plenty of room in the dining room for 15 tables or so. 

We checked out the menu behind the register and finally decided what we wanted – it wasn’t easy, since everything sounded delicious and there are photos of some of the dishes that kept making us change our minds.

We went with an order of empanadas – one of each of the dinner ones (meaning, not the dessert ones, which they are known for, as well), and the beef enchilada plate to split. We didn’t want to over-do it, so we kept the order small…. Or so we thought…

They brought out chips and salsa to the table, which was exactly what we needed (we were starving). Great homemade chips and the salsa had a little amount of heat to it, but great flavor. The server noticed we plowed through the first basket of chips and brought us another – super service!

The enchiladas came out and looked so tasty. A good amount of cheese on top, without being completely covered. The rice and beans were fine and I ended up eating all of those, since D.Rough didn’t want to waste her time on them – hahaha. The beef enchiladas were really awesome. Tons of meat in them, which great flavor and the enchilada sauce clearly was NOT from a can. Fantastic enchiladas!

The empanadas were where it’s at, though. Light and flaky crust and lots of filling inside each one. Also, molten lava. These were the best things we ate the whole trip! I think how we ordered them (one of each) is the best way to eat these, but some people like to really commit to one, so here is the order that I would place them in based on my own internal and random rating system:

1. Chicken
2. Cheese Steak
3. Spicy Ham
4. Cheesy Potato Bacon
5. Beef
6. Potato with Chorizo

Note: Nally's does have some dessert empanadas and stuffed churros, as well, but we were too stuffed to eat anything else - NEXT TIME!!!

The folks here at Nally’s Kitchen were really nice and helpful. They were rockin’ some awesome music from the kitchen (I’m a big fan of Jose Jose and I was singing along with it in the dining room). The food selection is pretty impressive and the quality and taste can back it all up. Just get here, if you’re passing through the area or if you live there. Really top-notch Mexican food.

www.nallyskitchen.com

Burger Time – West St. Paul, MN

I’ve talked about going to this place since they opened up over a year ago and I finally made it. It is in an old Checker’s building, complete with the dual drive-through lanes. I thought they only did burgers and fries and shakes, but they have a ton of other things on the menu, including tacos, chips and guac/queso, different kinds of sandwiches, and some delicious sides (including cheese curds). What they show on the menu online is pretty standard fare, but when you get to the place, it’s got way more than the online menu shows.

I was pretty hungry so I went a little crazy. I got a bacon cheese burger (not a double – that sounded like overkill), a corndog, and some onion rings. The guy at the window was really friendly and helpful and the whole thing didn’t take long at all. I don’t live far from there, so I went home and threw it all on a plate, so you could see it.

The burger is actually really good. Better than I expected. It isn’t a McD burger by any stretch, which was nice. It isn’t quite up to the 5 Guys or SmashBurger level, though. But it’s close, honestly. The meat was juicy and flavorful and there were plenty of toppings on it, without going overboard and sloppy. I was pleasantly surprised with this showing!

The corndog was about what I expected. I wasn’t greasy and had good corn flavor on the batter. The dog was pretty standard, but still great. I’m glad I got it and it really hit the spot – especially for a dollar. And no, it isn’t a foot long like at the Minnesota State Fair – it’s a regular-sized corndog.

The onion rings were the weak link in the bag today. I think when onions are frozen, it messes with their structural integrity and results in some pretty floppy onions when fried. The batter on the rings was fairly standard (no seasonings or spices at all), and fried pretty well - just a tiny bit greasy and only one corn-mealy-underdone ring. But the onions were just mush inside. Bummer. The fries on someone else’s order looked pretty good though, so I’ll probably get those next time. Or the cheese curds.

Overall, I was really happy I went here for lunch. I didn’t feel like I wasted my daily calories on some terrible slop and I’m actually quite interested in going back and trying a few other things. I AM sorry that it took me this long to go eat here, however. My mistake.

www.itsburgertime.com

Rah’MN – St. Paul, MN

My friend GingerMcInjure and I heard about this new ramen place in St. Paul and thought we’d check it out. It’s not in a really restaurant-y part of town, but the GPS took me right to it. The inside is small with about ten tables to sit at. It’s one of those places that I hope gets some better “wayfinding” signage inside so you know what to do when you walk in the door for the first time – just a pet peeve of mine.

We stood around long enough that a couple of nice guys behind the counter asked us if we needed help. They told us to think of it “like a Subway for ramen”. I’m sure if their boss heard them describe it like that, they’d go crazy, but I get it. You can either order one of the few ramen soups or salads from the board, or you can build your own with all their super fresh ingredients (way better than Subway, I assure you).

You can choose the type of noodles you want (traditional ramen noodle or rice noodles) and they drop it in the boiling water to cook them. Then, you pick what kind of greens you want (kale, arugula, or spinach). Then, you’ve got a boatload of vegetables and garnishes you can add to your bowl. I got a couple of fun things. You can add various oils and sauces to your bowl and then you pick a protein, if you want. Finally, you can add broth to you bowl, including shoyu pork broth, white miso-mushroom broth, or spicy miso. I went with the spicy miso for mine and GingerMcInjure went with the shoyu pork broth. And we BOTH got pork with our bowls.

They also have a few beers in cans, which is a nice touch, if you’re into that sort of thing.

The meat itself had a great flavor, but honestly, the broths are where this place shines. They really nail it. They’re not too salty, which is sometimes a problem, and the flavor actually has some depth to it. I thought it might not, since it’s sort of a fast-casual sort of place. All of the vegetables were really fresh and the serving size is appropriate for this setting and price point.

I really like this place a lot. More than I expected to. It isn’t fancy ramen (for whatever that’s worth), which I also kind of liked, but you don’t notice any lower quality than the fancy places. Great work! (Now, get your staff to quit referencing Subway when they describe it – hahaha).

www.rahmn.online

MRE lunch – Dallas, TX

While we were at the Dallas Arms Gun and Knife Show in Dallas, DreadPirateNick wanted me to try an MRE – or Meal, Ready-to-Eat – a military super-calorie meal ration used by soldiers to keep them going. DreadPirateNick would waffle between telling me how terrible they were and how much he wanted me to try one, knowing I write about food-type things. He found one that we could both agree on eating, although he was trying REALLY hard to find the gross ones – something about omelets or other things that I hope to never eat out of a bag. We knew we were going back to the hotel, so he offered to cook me a gourmet MRE lunch of Beef Ravioli!

The whole thing is self-contained in a bag and is intended to be heated up, although DreadPirateNick assured me there were times where there was no possibility of heating it up and you gulped whatever was in your bag down your throat and tried not to gag it up. Inside was usually most of the following:

• Main course
• side dish
• dessert or snack
• crackers or bread
• spread of cheese, peanut butter, or jelly
• powdered beverage mix (fruit flavored drink, cocoa, instant coffee or tea, sport drink, or dairy shake>
• utensils
• flameless ration heater(FRH)
• beverage mixing bag
• accessory pack: xylitol chewing gum, water resistant matchbook, napkin/toilet paper, moist towelette, seasonings (salt, pepper, sugar, creamer, tabasco sauce), and freeze dried coffee powder

Our other friend M.Butterfly showed up and joined us poolside for some delicious lunch, with DreadPirateNick giving us the play by play, like a cuddly Julia Childs. It was a special moment for all of us, I assure you. DreadPirateNick started by dumping everything out on the ground so we could see it.

Then, he showed us the bag that you dump water into to heat up whatever your entrée is – in this case, Beef Ravioli. He told us that sometimes these things emit some smoke as they heated up, so it’s better that we didn’t do this inside the hotel room. He put the ravioli pouch in the other pouch, dumped in some water and set it aside to heat up. Kind of cool.

He then gave us the appetizer – Osmotic Raisins. We had to look up what osmotic raisins were, but it wasn’t anything aside from they added some sort of sweetener to them to make them more palatable. That did raise some red flags. We tried them and they were pretty disgusting. Even more disgusting than raisins usually are. They also had some sort of coating on them that stained whatever it touched, including your skin and clothing. Just ewwww.

DreadPirateNick showed us the wheat snack bread and then cheered loudly when he saw that it came with the cheese spread with jalapenos. Apparently, this was the best of the bunch. He opened up the bread which was similar to those weird sandwich slices kind of bread that’s like a smushed-down actual slice of bread. The flavor isn’t really there, and the texture didn’t help. With the addition of what appears to be expired EZ-Cheese (aerosol cheese), it helped a little bit. It was pretty dry all around.

Since we were parched, DreadPirateNick giggled as he opened up the kool-aid pouch (but that’s a trademarked term). He dumped the red powder into the mixing bag and shook it for a while until it resembled a blood donation bag. I’ll be honest, this fruit punch wasn’t terrible, however, drinking out of a super flimsy plastic bag was more of a challenge than any of us imagined.

Our ravioli had heated up and was ready to be served. We all passed it around and shared it. I was surprised to find it wasn’t terrible. It tasted like a super generic version of Chef Boy-R-Dee Ravioli. I’m glad it was hot, as well. Those water-powered heaters worked pretty good. You could tell it was meat-flavored and the sauce wasn’t great, but it was edible. I’d guess after eating these every meal for a few years, you’d be ready to eat a shoe.

And speaking of shoes, there was beef jerky!!! It was, without a doubt, the worst beef jerky I’ve ever had. It tasted like they had dropped it in the dirt before they packaged it. It was like chewing leather. I would not recommend this jerky.

And finally, for dessert, there was a frosted brown sugar toaster pastry. Now don’t get your hopes up about it being like a pop-tart. It looked like a pop-tart, but it tasted like you accidentally ate the box instead. Not good.

Honestly, I’m glad DreadPirateNick was so adamant about sharing one of these with us. I had heard horror stories about some of the meals the military eats, and this was apparently one of the better examples of the field training meals they get. There are better options in the mess halls, but when you’re out in the field, you have to pack light and eat fast. This was all of those things – just remove the flavor.

Thanks for being a good sport DreadPirateNick and M.Butterfly. I probably won’t rush out to buy a case of these, but I now know what to expect if someone busts one of these out while camping or I get into an apocalypse situation sometime soon.

Muldoon’s Pasties & Gifts – Munising, MI

When you’re in the Upper Peninsula (U.P.) of Michigan, you need to eat a pasty (pronounced “past-ee”) – it’s a sort of lunch-time hand pie filled with chicken or beef, or they have vegetarian versions. They also throw in a lot of root vegetables like potatoes, turnips, carrots, and other things before they bake it. They’re delicious.

Muldoon’s is ranked highly in the grand scheme of pasties, so we thought we’d go check them out. These things are densely packed, but in a good way. D.Rough and I got a chicken one and a beef one, with gravy. I have heard tales that people know you’re an outsider if you get your pasty with gravy, but I don’t care – that’s one of the things I like about them. (They do have a special pasty sauce, which is sort of like ketchup, but I prefer the gravy.)  The chicken one has a chicken gravy and the beef one has a beef gravy. Both were served with coleslaw, as well – bonus!

These things are substantial. When you think it isn’t enough food, you’ll end up being wrong and having to pull your car over for a nap in about 45 minutes. That’s just science. Muldoon’s has some great flavor in theirs and I liked both equally. Packed full of veggies and perfectly baked. I really can’t go much into a more in-depth review, since the whole concept is simple, but it’s worth getting. Muldoon’s is a great place to grab a pasty!

www.muldoonspasties.com

Naked Chicken Taco – Taco Bell

As usual, Taco Bell has knocked it out of the park on their new menu item. I wasn’t sure what I was going to be walking into with this thing, but I do love fried chicken. So, when Taco Bell told me they were making a taco shell out of fried chicken, I knew right away I was in. I thought I might be bummed that there wasn’t any ground beef in the taco, but the meat-flavor of the chicken was surprisingly good, and the crispiness of the fried part also added to the whole situation.

I’m a fan. Thanks for rockin’ it once again, Taco Bell test kitchens. You keep doing what you’re doing.

Spoonie’s – London Mills, IL

I saw someone post a photo of a gigantic deep fried pork tenderloin at this place this fall and I knew if I was ever in the neighborhood, I’d check it out. Sure it’s an hour and a half drive from my parent’s house, but that’s about as close to “in the neighborhood” as I  was likely to get to the 392-person town in central Illinois nowhere near an interstate.

I walked in and everyone looked at me. When they didn’t recognize me, they kept looking at me. I quickly ordered a PBR to set everyone at ease. Apparently, everyone that eats here knows each other.

Damn I miss small-town life. It’s tantalizingly simple and honest. Seriously, I miss these kinds of places. The inside is decorated with craft-y signs like “$5.00 charge for whining” and “you can’t fix stupid” and “Today’s menu: take it or leave it”. It’s also got that always-under-construction feel to it with some exposed studs on the wall.

They’ve got a huge patio on the side of the building for the warmer months. I  bet that place gets hoppin’ in the summer.

The bartender/servers were really nice and helpful. They made sure I got what I needed to drink and a menu. The place was almost full, even at lunch on a Thursday. And a lot of those people were ordering pork tenderloins. The menu had quite a lot of things on it, many of which visit the deep fryer before getting put on a plate. There are also plenty of sandwiches and pizzas to make sure no one starves here.

The tenderloin didn’t actually take that long to cook, and I was really happy about that. The thing is much thicker than I expected. Yes, it’s really large, but I thought that would be because they pounded it thin and wide. It’s wide, but it’s actually got some pork in there to contend with.  The flavor was actual pork and not just brown/fried. The guy working the fryer knew what he was doing, as well. No greasy flavor and not just overdone crunch. Well played, Mr. Fryer Guy. It comes with a regular sized bun (which my friend referred to as a Pork-T yarmulke), which means – based on the bun size – that this should be four sandwiches.

I promised my wife I wouldn’t try to eat the whole thing, and I didn’t. I basically ate three sandwiches by eating all the way around the bun. I’m sure I could have finished it, but I wouldn’t have fallen asleep on the country roads of Illinois. And also probably would have been in pain, but that’s beside the point. It was a great sandwich and I think the largest one I’ve ever tried to eat. The second closest would be the one in Indiana at Big Daddy’s.

If you’re ever driving near Peoria, Illinois, and have some time for a lunch excursion, it’s worth the drive.  You’re not going to get fancy beer here, but you will get full, and you’ll be happy about it.

Spoonie’s Bar & Grill

103 3rd St.

London Mills, IL 61544

 

East Side Club Tiki Bar - Madison, WI

We were in town for a roller derby tournament and you know what that means ...... TIKI BARS!!! We always try to find the town's tiki bar when we're on the road for roller derby. Madison had one fairly close to the hotel we were at, so a couple of the guys and I drove over there.

When we arrived, we discovered the East Side Club was hosting a wedding inside. So we skirted the main building and followed the signs to the tiki bar, which was behind the main building. It isn't much of a tiki bar, to be honest, but it does have some of the prerequisites: super awesome bartender and rum. She whipped us up a couple of mai tais and we headed out to the patio area to view the beautiful giant lake in the middle of Madison.

Fortunately, we got our painfully uncomfortable stupid adirondack chairs just in time as some of the wedding folks began to spill out into the tiki bar area and down by the water. No big deal. In fact, we lasted at least oen more round before the torrential downpour happened:)

Overall, not impressive, but it did the job. If that's all Madison has in the way of tiki bars, then it'll have to do. It definitely treated us right.

Afro Deli – St. Paul, MN

The entire time the Afro Deli was open in Minneapolis, I never found time to go there, despite attending the U of MN across the street. I now know what a huge mistake that was. D.Rough is a regular at the new downtown St. Paul location and has raved about it, so I met her there for lunch. So glad I did.

The menu is on a big board when you walk in, so be courteous and don’t stand in the ordering line until you know what you want. You’ll want everything, but you’ll need to narrow it down a LITTLE.  Thankfully, I had an expert who offered her own advice as to what I should get. Thanks, wife! I got the Chapati Wrap with gyro meat (it comes with a salad), and a side of sweet potato fries. I also got two Beef Sambusas. D.Rough got the Somali Steak Sandwich.

The food takes very little prep time, so I was pretty happy with the short wait during the busy lunch hour. The salad was pretty standard, but who really reviews a salad? No one. The Chapati Wrap was wonderful. Lots of meat and plenty of peppers and lettuce and rice and such. Great flavor and not sloppy like wraps sometimes get. Super solid showing on this wrap.

The sweet potato fries weren’t stellar. They had good flavor but were a little soggy. I have heard their regular fries are the way to go here, so maybe I’ll try those next time. I certainly won’t complain about these (because I love me some sweet potato fries), but I’ve had better.

The Sambusas were really really good. I liked these a lot and maybe wouldn’t share next time. They are filled with ground beef onions and cilantro, but the bright green spicy dipping sauce (“basbas”) was perfect. I loved these things.

But the winner for me was the steak sandwich. It’s really thin sliced steak but seasoned in really spicy ingredients that make this thing pop. It’s a bit on the slide-y side when you eat it, but you’ll get over it when you have the first bite of this meat. It’s fantastic.

There are so many other things on this menu I need to try. The Chicken Fantastic looked amazing, and the Curry also looked like I needed to try it. I’ll be back!

Top 5 things about Afro Deli

1) Somali Steak Sandwich

2) Beef Sambusas

3) Chapati Wrap

4) It’s verrrrry reasonably priced

5) Having a location in both cities is really smart, especially in the business district of downtown St. Paul

Bottom 5 things

1) Sweet Potato fries

2) Parking isn’t ideal, but you can find it on the street

3) The place gets packed at lunch

4) There were a lot of people eating quesadillas here – super disappointing since everything ELSE is so good (probably the Minnesota spice tolerance issue…)

5) No other negative points – I tried really hard to find something else!

www.afrodeli.com 

Nacho’s Mexican Grill – Hopkins, MN

There’s a taco place near my office that I’ve driven by a few times and haven’t stopped in. There always appeared to be people in it, so I knew it had to be edible food. I thought I’d pay them a visit. First thing first: there are two doors to get inside, and none of them are on the front of the building. Heck, there’s probably a third one on the backside for the kitchen staff, but I didn’t circle back THAT far to verify that.

The menu is on the walls with good descriptions of ingredients and choices of meat. I decided on the Enchiladas in green sauce, mainly because the photos (which are actually super helpful in seeing what you’re going to get) showed me what I was in store for.

I grabbed a Jarritos from the fridge and grabbed a seat. A guy working as a server and bus boy brought my plate over and offered to get me some hot sauce. I went with Cholula, without much thought. The homemade tortilla chips placed in the refried beans like shark fins won me over right away. I’m a sucker for homemade chips. They were great and the beans and rice were decent, as well. The enchiladas were pretty good. Not life-changing, but the meat had good flavor and wasn’t gristly like beef sometimes is. There was plenty of salsa verde on these and with a couple splashes of Cholula, these things were in great shape. I was pretty happy with all of this.

I took this above photo because they appear to be in some sort of remodel situation, but there's a lower ceiling below the higher ceiling, and the ceiling above still has flourescent lights still attached up there. Bizarre. I just thought it unusual. 

 

It’s good. It’s authentic. It’s pretty cheap. And there’s a good selection to choose from. It also seems to do a ton of phone-in business. I plan to head back here during more lunch hours now that I know it’s good Mexican food.

www.nachomexicangrill.com