Ali Baba’s: King of Gyros – West St. Paul, MN

D.Rough and I were having a lazy day watching the Eastern Regional Championships of Roller Derby online like nerds. D.Rough is watching as many games as possible so when the Minnesota Roller Girls go to Nationals, she’ll have some insight into the other teams’ strategies. Yes, it’s that serious, people. We thought we’d grab something and eat it at home so we didn’t have to move far form the computer screen. Ali Baba’s is right up the street, so I headed over to grab us some food.

She told me what she wanted before I left, and I thought I knew what I wanted until I saw the menu once I got inside. There are a ton of things on there that I’m dying to try now. But since I had a hankering for gyro meat, I went with that. Regular gyro with an order of fries.
I didn’t wait long inside, since the most time-consuming part is waiting for the fries to get cooked. So within a couple of minutes, I was on my way back to roller derby.

I got home and took a couple of photos before I dug into everything.
The fries were quite tasty. They have that magic dust the some places put on them to make them extra addictive. It certainly has to be crack. It’s a tiny bit of spice and salt that makes you not able to stop shoveling them into your mouth. And the fries were pretty thick cut and crispy – just the way I like them.

The gyro was packed full of meat, lettuce, tomatoes, and tzatziki sauce. I had to eat a couple pieces of the meat out of the inside to even get the thing to roll in half so I could eat it properly. The meat is cut VERY thick at Ali Baba’s. I’m personally a thin-slice guy (and then throw it on the flat top and crisp up the edges – but then again, I’m apparently a high-maintenance gyro-eater…), but the meat was the good stuff and exactly what I had a craving for. I ate a couple of the meat slices and then picked up the sandwich to finish off. The pita stayed together, which is usually a sign of quality and fresh pitas, so I was thrilled with that. There was plenty of tzatziki sauce on this thing, which I love, and the toppings all seemed fresh.

Overall, this was a really good gyro. Not life changing, but definitely hit the spot and made me happy to go back and try the other things on the menu that I decided against this day. Nothing bad about this place at all, I assure you. Looking forward to my next trip there.

Ali Baba’s
1264 S. Robert Street
West St Paul MN 55118
(651) 552-9660

Olmstead County Fair and Demolition Derby – Rochester, MN

Here’s how this whole thing started: Derby Dan and his wife went to watch roller derby last year and of course fell in love with roller derby (which is nice because then Dan doesn’t have to change his fake first name). Derby Dan got laid off of work after that and decided he needed to focus his road rage onto a legal track and thought he should build a car for the demolition derby. He also thought it would be a good idea to paint the demo car the colors of The Atomic Bombshells – the league champions for the Minnesota Rollergirls in 2010.

Since D.Rough is the captain of the Atomic Bombshells, she got a message from Dan asking if the Bombshells were cool with that and maybe he’d paint their logo on the side of his car and maybe a few skaters would like to come and watch the demolition derby. D.Rough got some people on board and made it all happen. Derby Dan got some serious schwwag from the Atomic Bombshells including all the necessary permissions to paint the car orange and camo and smash it into things – it’s scary how similar roller derby and demolition derby is…

Dan invited all Atomic Bombshells in attendance to come to his family’s place in Rochester and have a pre-derby celebration/lunch. So, D.Rough, Boom, Skully, SOB, Marcus, and myself piled into two cars and headed down with some coolers full of adult beverages and Atomic Bombshell uniforms/T-shirts. Dan’s family fed us well and we hung out for a bit. Dan had some car trouble on the drive down from the Twin Cities, so he missed the family’s party all-together (which meant it was alright that I ate his portion of his family’s food – I’m sure he didn’t mind).


We headed to the county fair and walked around for a bit. It was 800 degrees outside, so nothing seemed good except shaved ice – which we had plenty of to stay hydrated.
I saw a couple of food trucks that seemed magical but frankly, it was too hot to consider eating anything of substance. There was Ice Cream Spaghetti, and the greatest idea in the entire world, Eli’s Donut Burgers – yes, a burger on a sliced donut instead of a bun with bacon and cheese. Since it was so hot outside and we were miserable, I decided I’d come back midway through the demolition derby when the sun had set a little and get one then.

We went into the pits and checked out Dan’s finished product – pre-smashing. It looked great, honestly. He did a ton of work on this and put in countless hours making it awesome. We took lots of photos with it.


Then, we sat in the grandstand with Dan’s family. All of us wearing orange and supporting Derby Dan. We were covered in mud from the other cars flinging mud into the stands. Classic white trash fun – you have to love it!

This was Dan’s first demolition derby, but he had gotten some great advice on welding together a car and making it battle-worthy. After all his car trouble and the heat and just being exhausted, Dan ended up winning his division!!!! Absolutely amazing!!! It was down to two super beat up cars, but he did it. It’s hard NOT to be a champion when you’re supporting the Atomic Bombshells (yes, I’m biased).

The best part is, we all got to be trophy girls!!!
I was handed the 5th place trophy so when I took it out onto the track to the 5th-from-the-last-car-to-die, I told the guy, “You got fifth place, so you got stuck with the ugliest of our bunch, sorry.” He replied back, “You want a kiss anyway??” Hilarious. We handed out trophies and headed back to our seats to do more sweating.




Then I headed back to Eli’s Donut Burgers only to find out they were closed up for the night. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....................!!!!!!!! I was super upset and couldn’t be consoled. It ruined my night. Just kidding, it was unexpected though. The owner told me he’d be at the Steele County Free Fair in Owatonna in two weeks. I put it in my phone calendar and told him I’d be there. … I was.

Too many awesome things happened, so I can’t put together a top 5, but I’m sure the number one thing would be Derby Dan’s Atomic Bombshell car winning the event!!!!!

Theo Chocolate and Hot Girl Factory – Seattle, WA

Since ChickenLittle had to work the day Pul-Chevy, Coach, and I arrived, he tricked Slutnik into babysitting us until he got off work. We all love Slutnik to death, mainly because she’s ferociously mean to us yet actually likes us, but also because she makes everything more fun. She drove us around Seattle so we could see and buy various things, and then told us she had booked a tour of the Theo Chocolate Factory. She also reminded us we were all grown men and we would be paying our own individual portions of the tour cost and not to embarrass her. I think she knew how futile the last part of that statement was.

We arrived at the chocolate factory and walked into the gift shop area. There were heaping mounds of chocolate everywhere to sample. They would display the actual bars of chocolate and then on a small slab of marble in front of each one were broken up chocolate bars. We of course dug in like 5 year olds. Slutnik went over and told the girl working that we were there for the tour and one of the girls behind the counter yelled at us – “Don’t eat too much chocolate if you’re going on the tour!!” It was in a nice way, not a mean way, but we all looked up and saw a handful of REALLY attractive girls running the shop. So as we ignored her advice and continued to shovel chocolate pieces into our maws, we kept one eye (each, not collectively) on the girls behind the counter. Because, let’s face it, when the three of us get together, we act like Jr. High boys. Girls would come in from the factory area and would swap out with counter girls and those girls were also attractive. I was convinced the factory was a front for crafting very attractive (even if they were a little Seattle-hippie-ish) girls while operating with a chocolate-making public area.

One of the girls lined us up for the tour and gave us all hair nets. We kind of chuckled because there was this new mom on the tour with her infant baby. She put a hair net on the infant as well, which we found amusing. Then she whips her boob out and starts breastfeeding her child while waiting for the tour to start. Greatest tour ever and it hasn’t even started yet. (Did I mention we’re 12?...) The tour lady took us down this hallway into a sort of small classroom. There were pictures of cacao plants and maps and more piles of chocolate samples about the room. The woman told us the correct pronunciation was Ka-KOW! Yes, like a comic book punch sound. So we kept repeating it like some sort of giant bird. I told you we turn into idiots when we are around each other…

The woman giving the tour was very enthusiastic about the ins and outs of chocolate. It was very informative and we accidentally learned a lot. But the learning stopped when the giggling started with the four of us. Coach pointed out the presenter’s sleeve was torn, so we all took a look. Not only was it torn, but the sleeve was actually shredded from her shoulder to her elbow, in various strips. She also had another small tear near her wrist, and then on the other side of the shirt in the front, there were also some small rips. I mentioned maybe she got attacked by a mountain lion on the way to work today and then the learning stopped because we couldn’t stop chuckling.

The girl told us we were heading into the factory to see the chocolate go from bean to bar. She said it would be loud so she put on a small speaker belt around her waist and put on a headset so she could talk over the factory machines. Then she turned to Coach and I and told us we’d be wearing beard nets, in addition to our hair nets. Awesome!!! Coach asked her if he could fill up his beard net with chocolate pieces and use it like a feed bag during the tour, to which she simply replied, “GROSS….” And that’s why I love Coach.

Pul-Chevy is jealous he can't grow a beard. You'll hit puberty eventually, buddy. Hang in there.

The tour was quite loud and we may have caught about 50% of what she said. But there was enough pointing at various contraptions that we got the gist of it. You’d be amazed at how many pieces of machinery and cooking terms sound sexual when you’re acting like a 12-year-old. For example, Ball Roaster, vibrating, spread them, pack it in, and two-fisting all had us crying at various points. And I’ll also casually mention that Slutnik is just as bad as we are when she’s around us, so don’t think that she’s all Miss Prim and Proper or anything. We got to see large machines roasting the beans and turning them into nibs and how they get moved and melted and where random ingredients get put into the mix. We got to sample various kinds of chocolates and also the things that get turned into chocolate, so we were eating some pretty wild stuff. We also got to see the fancy confections area where they hand make lots of cute and tasty (and expensive) small chocolates. Very cool.

Here's a Ball Roaster...(heh heh heh)

The girl running the tour noticed Coach and I were apparently wearing our beard nets wrong, so she told us, in front of everyone, “You know you don’t have to wear those things over your nose.” Coach stopped her and said, “HEY! It looks cooler this way.” I don’t think she was impressed. But if she had seen Coach sneeze into his beard net earlier in the tour and watched it balloon up like a jelly fish having sex with his face, she might have asked him to keep his nose behind the net. (You can also see the infant with a hair net on the left in this photo)
Slutnik and I

The tour ended without us seeing where they actually produce the hot girls in the factory. But the tour itself was very nice. I’d probably do it again and maybe without being a complete juvenile (yeah right, like I can fix that). We adjourned back in the gift shop area so people who are now addicted to chocolate can purchase the things they sampled. They also had this “sipping chocolate”. It was almost like a motor-oil-texture hot chocolate with some chipotle thrown in. It was warm temperature-wise and also had some spice to it. It was decent, but Pul-Chevy really liked it.

Some of the counter girls saw Slutnik’s Rat City Roller Girls roller derby sweatshirt and asked her about it. A couple of them were planning to attend the bout that Sunday (which was part of the reason all of us were out there visiting), and that they’d look for her skating. We told them we’d see them there, and they clearly were not interested in any nerd action. Story of our lives.

We all loved the tour and would recommend this place to anyone visiting the area. It’s not an expensive tour and if you really like chocolate, you’ll be in heaven between all the samples and the educating about the science of chocolate. You can tell Theo takes pride in their chocolate and also in being very “green”. It’s worth checking out, even if you’re not into hot hippie girls.

And so you know, Theo is not a person. It’s short for Theobroma cacao – or Food of the Gods.

Top 5 things about Theo Chocolate and Hot Girl Factory
1. You will eat soooo much chocolate on this tour
2. There MAY be a hot girl or 30 working when you’re there, if you’re lucky
3. Very informative info about how it goes from a bean into a bar
4. I love how our collective mental minds never make it to a high school level when we’re together
5. The fact that the tour guide clearly had a rough morning indicated by her shredded clothing

Bottom 5 things
1. I wish my chocolate-addict sister NotMomsFavorite could have been there with me on this tour
2. Beard nets get in the way when you’re trying to shovel handfuls of chocolate into your mouth
3. It was super loud in some parts and you couldn’t hear the tour part
4. Caramello remains my favorite chocolate bar, sorry Theo
5. Never found the hot-girl-making machines

www.theochocolate.com

Denver Roller Dolls vs. Rat City Rollers – Denver, CO

One of the reasons I went out to Denver in the first place was to go to the roller derby bout between Rat City Rollers (Seattle's traveling team) and the Denver Roller Dolls. My friend Slutnik skates for Rat City and she was going to drive down to Denver with Chicken Little and meet me for the bout. They ended up not making the drive down from Seattle, but I still wanted to show my support for Rat City, so I threw on my Rat City shirt and prepared to yell real loud!

My cousin’s husband Houston wanted to check it out, so we hopped in the car and drove to the Denver Coliseum. We parked around back with the rest of the riff raff and scored our tickets at the booth. We grabbed a tasty beverage once inside and found some seats. There were plenty available, since the crowd was pretty sparse, compared to what I’ve seen at other bouts.

I had explained most of the rules (as I know them) to Houston before the bout, so he picked up the game pretty quick. So quick, in fact, that he started crap talking Rat City to me and cheering on his hometown Denver Roller Dolls. It was pretty funny. There were some bad calls by the refs, but it was a pretty close match. Denver was stomping Seattle for most of the match, but Seattle looked like they were getting their act together. I'm still amazed at the length of time the refs took to haggle over points and penalties between every jam. Like 5-10 minutes in spots. Ridiculous and killed the flow and energy of the bout. That's just me though.


During the half time intermission, they had a local recreational bicycle club take the rink and play Circle of Death. Imagine 50 bikes of varying styles and sizes all going around the track, but not in the same direction. People were flipping over handlebars and crashing head-on and losing control the entire time. There were a couple of really sweet bikes out there that were taking some abuse. But everyone looked like they were having fun, in a really odd way.


The second half fired up and the Rat City girls caught up and even took the lead at one point. Then, through a lot of bizarre penalties, Denver took the lead back and ended up winning by a pretty large margin.

I popped down onto the track to talk to the announcer from Seattle who was friends with Chicken Little. He asked if I was going to the afterparty and I said I wasn’t sure. Hadn’t really planned on it, but now that he mentioned it, it sounded like fun.

Houston made the proper phone calls and we headed over to Benders and had no idea what to expect. The crowd was pretty thin, but then again, we drove straight over and beat most of the crowd. We did a quick tour of the place to figure out what was what. There was a sign for a tiki bar out back, but it ended up being closed or just a tiki-front, so we went back inside. We grabbed a table (one of like 4), so we’d have a good view of the action. And I’m soooo glad we did. We grabbed a couple drinks and watched people trickle in.

We watched the DJ have serious issues with setting up his lighting rig (which I thought might have been a tad late setting it up), and eventually giving up. He had on a top hat and white stripey pants. I’m not judging, but seriously, I’m totally judging. To his credit, however, he kept the music lively and mixed it up quite a bit. Mad Hatter, the DJ, is good at his craft. We also saw a guy loading in bicycle trainers. I’ve never seen that before in a bar, so I had no idea what to expect. He connected them to a laptop and pulled up a program where people could race each other. Seriously, really drunk people on stationary bikes. Weirdest bar sport I think I’ve seen.

I talked to a couple of the Rat City skaters and fans and name dropped Slutnik and Chicken Little. I was wearing my Throttle Rockets shirt from Rat City, so they knew I was alright to fraternize with. I even talked to one of the refs from Denver. He was wearing a utili-kilt, so I had my suspicions, but he ended up being a really great guy with lots of respect for the Minneapolis Roller Girls. He told me all kinds of hilarious stories about the Minneapolis girls as well.

While Houston and I sat and became progressively more creepy, we watched the guy sitting next to us intently. Why did we watch him? Because he had a bug crawling on his shirt. It was too dark to tell if it was a roach, but I’m going to go with roach. Then Houston and I both began to itch and brush imaginary bugs off our own clothes. Creep show.

Houston and I basically sat there for a couple of hours watching the entertainment. The girls from Denver Roller Dolls have the most amazing outfits ever, and also have the ladies to fill said outfits. It was quite hilarious. I bought a couple of drinks for random people who apparently are my new best friends now. I’m sure my own concept of creep/suave ratio was out of whack after the first 5 Capn n cokes I drank, then the subsequent long island iced tea and the other 4 Capn n cokes didn’t help things. I apparently creeped out a girl whom I thought was from Denver, but actually is from Seattle and knows Slutnik, so I’m sure I’m going to hear about that. Smokin hot. And not to name names, but Quigley and Begeman from Denver Roller Dolls absolutely made my night with their dancing… oh, and did I mention the outfits? I somehow decided that the reason Seattle lost to Denver was because there was less air resistance on their outfits. If Rat City would wear smaller tighter clothes like Denver, it would have been an even match.

Then random guy named Trip bought me a beer (a Stella, in fact) because he stole my seat at the table. I don’t know if you’re a regular reader of this blog or not, but I really can’t stand the taste of beer. I’ll drink anything else, especially girly drinks, but not beer. So when my new friend trip bought me a beer, I pounded it like any normal red-blooded American would have. Well, that’s my beer for the decade. For me to have been intoxicated enough to drink a whole beer, there must have been serious judgment red flags going off all over the place. I did politely turn down one of the Irish Carbombs he bought for Houston and I, however. Thankfully, one of the Denver Roller Dolls stepped up and drained it much faster than my friend Trip and his other friend. I immediately initiated the high five to the Roller Doll – also a SURE sign I’ve had way too much to drink.

I apparently sent a liquor-addled message or seven to Chicken Little, Slutnik, and to myself which may come back to haunt me, but that’s what roller derby after parties are all about, right? I name dropped Slutnik a couple more times to the Rat City Coach named Mo (handsome black man – Slutnik cracked up when I called him that), X-Kahn, the Rat City Merch Girl, and a bunch of other Rat City skaters who apparently all look the same to me when my eyes are floating around in my head like Columbo. They were all super nice and I’m pretty sure I didn’t say too many stupid things to them. Hell, who knows though.

I’m really glad Houston was my designated driver. He appeared to have a good time watching me be a complete moron, and he was still speaking to me the following morning, so I think I’m all good. No, I didn’t get any digits nor make any moves. That’s not my style. My style is more about making sure people around me are having a good time. I’m putting the “tater” back in “facilitator.”

If you ever have the opportunity to go to a roller derby bout, do it. If you ever have the opportunity to go to a roller derby after party, be willing to sacrifice your first-born because you will have the time of your life. Guaranteed.

Special shoutout to the blonde and curvy official in the penalty box for Denver. She gave me a new appreciation for girls wearing tiny pink underwear on the outside of their black tights. Modern Technology: progress is a wonderful thing…

Top 5 things about Roller Derby in Denver
1. Denver Roller Dolls After Party!!!!!
2. Denver Roller Dolls uniform – not kidding (can I put “outfits” for all of the top 5 things?)
3. 95% of derby people (skaters, scorers, refs, fans, merch people) are the nicest friendliest people in the world
4. Houston screaming for Denver at his first bout and elbowing me to make sure I knew he was cheering (as if I couldn’t hear him) – really, it was super hilarious crap-talking and got him major kudos, not that he needed any more
5. The Circle of Death bicycle crash-‘em-up

Bottom 5 things
1. Roller Derby was Gerd and I’s sport. I may not ever watch a bout again without missing her horribly.
2. The bout was low-energy, low-crowd, and really hot
3. My wallet is a lot thinner than it was yesterday
4. Chicken Little and I were going to be each other’s “differently-challenged” wingman this weekend – that’s the new PC term for retarded and I’m classy like that
5. I’m still convinced the thin Denver air made me all spinny, not the 10+ drinks I had… hahahahaha

www.denverrollerdolls.org
www.ratcityrollergirls.com

Minnesota RollerGirls – Roy Wilkins Auditorium - St. Paul, MN

This is going to be a long post, since it was such an awesome night. We sent out eVites to like 50 people trying to get people fired up about this sport. We got a couple of positive responses, so we were thrilled. Gerd and I LOVE roller derby, so we’re trying to spread the word.

We fought the Minnesota Wild traffic (NHL hockey team was playing the same night next door) and made it inside FAR earlier than we anticipated. I grabbed us some drinks and we hunkered down to wait for our group of people. We threw some coats on chairs around us, since the place was starting to fill up. There were SOOO many people that showed up in the auditorium. Waaaay more than the last bout we went to. Apparently Minnesotans love their roller derby!

The pre-show was the twin cities unicycle club. I missed a lot of it since I was in line for drinks, but what I caught was awesome. They did some jumping of bodies (live not corpses) which looks tough on a unicycle. They did some stair climbing and tight-rope cycling. They did some formations and stuff. Did I mention they had really young kids on tall unicycles? Like under 10 year olds!! Then they did a roller derby game called king/queen of the rink – last person on one wheel wins. It was hilarious and strangely cut-throat. They were just blasting each other and it came down to two guys and one little girl. The girl got taken out and the crowd started booing. IT was awesome. Great act before the bout, for sure!!!

It was another all-star game, so the first round was the rookies skating a punk vs disco theme. Lots of black clothes on one team, lots of sequence and hotpants on the other. I love watching the “green” skaters battle it out. They’ve got all the spirit, and much less of the talent. They fall at random sometimes and yet, they’re giving it their all. Go them.

The second round was the grudge match between the MN Rollergirls and the Madison Dairyland Dolls. Madison was won this competition four years in a row, so it was kind firing people up. This was serious action, complete with a little showboating which is always nice to see. These girls can really skate. I’m always impressed when I see them slingshot other skaters or jump over people or do some fancy contortion to get through the pack first. It’s awesome.

The halftime show was the Bratwurst Brothers, a local polka band. They got the crowd out onto the rink and polka dancing fast and furiously. Kind of impressive when there’s a thousand or so people dancing all spinny at the same time. The other 2000 people remained in the stands SINGING all the words to the songs. I didn’t even know there were words to songs other than roll out the barrel!

The third round (round two for the punk vs disco) was a solid round although pretty uneventful. I honestly don’t even remember who won – I think the punks?

The fourth round was the final round of the all-stars. Minnesota was trailing 95% of the round. The girls were getting more aggressive though. The ref started calling penalties left and right. At one point, there were more girls in the penalty box than on the rink. These penalties started to matter because MN started making a serious comeback. Down like 30 points, the girls were playing hard (aka dirty). A couple of times with Madison’s jammer in the penalty box allowed MN to make up serious points (like 14 in one jam!).

The crowd was going crazy! It was soooo loud in there. Time on the clock ran out, and most people thought it was over with Madison in the lead, but time ran out with both jammers in the penalty box, and according to the rules, you can’t finish a bout with a jammer-less jam. So they lined them back up for one last time. Suzie Smashbox, one of the best jammers I’ve ever seen, absolutely destroyed the pack. Lapped everyone and went back for more points!!! The crowd was on their feet screaming. The jam finished and we had to wait for the final point tally…. Minnesota won by TWO points!!! Insane. People were hugging and kissing babies and sloshing beer all over. It was the most intense sporting event I‘ve ever been to. Totally awesome.

All the people in our group were brand new to the sport and I was glad they got to see an awesome bout. It couldn’t have been any better.

We left and headed to Mancini’s Lounge for some after-bout drinks with most of our group. That place is straight outta Swingers. Red leather couches, mirrors everywhere, and a top 40 live band. Awesome. We ended up shutting the place down – it was a late night…

Top 5 things about roller derby
1. Girls on roller skates
2. Intense competition/skill
3. Crowd energy, close to 4000 fans
4. They serve mixed drinks…many mixed drinks…
5. Programs are an AWESOME touch

Bottom 5 things
1. Traffic from the Wild game
2. I didn’t know the words to the polka songs, so I felt like a loser
3. The lines for mixed drinks were long (like at most sporting events)
4. I missed most of the unicycle pre-show
5. I had to hold back a little since I was with work people

www.mnrollergirls.com

Minnesota Roller Girls – Roy Wilkins Auditorium – St. Paul, MN

This summer, I went to Seattle for a nerd convention (don’t ask) and while there, got to see my friend Nina do/play/participate in (what adjective is the right one!!!???) roller derby. It was super awesome. Like many guys, I went to see how women on roller skates knocking each other down (and because I was always fascinated by the hot pants and gold lamme back in the 70’s when it was on tv). However, once you know the rules and scoring system, the whole thing makes perfect sense and I was yelling like an idiot along with everyone else. Nina came to visit us this summer and we drove her to her traveling team’s bout in Milwaukee – yes, these people are dead serious about this sport. Gerd and I had a great time. And kind of got hooked…

So the season opener for the Minnesota Roller Girls was this past weekend. We knew we were going and we got the added benefit of having Coach and Toach come up from Illinois to visit us and watch roller derby. We especially knew we were going when we found out the bout was a “zombies vs pirates” theme. For background, Minneapolis does this zombie pub crawl which a few thousand people attend – hilarious.

The roller derby people adopted it and got fans to dress like their favorite. Then the zombie vs pirate bout consisted of rookie roller girls to give them some competitive track time. Great idea and tons of fun. And yes, Nina, I did wear my Rockets shirt from your Seattle team…

The first bout was zombies vs pirates. Great fun, and great action. The girls are hard workers and you can see they’re way engaged and also way green. Some skating mishaps and hilarity ensued. If you get a penalty, you skate to the penalty box and since there aren’t brakes, you slide into the box on your knees (ba-dum-bum). When the adrenaline is up, sometimes they skate in there too fast and fly over the chairs and ropes and into the crowd. Hilarious (and yes, dangerous of course – but whatever).

Second bout was the MN Roller Girls (MNRG) vs the North West Arkansas (NWA) somebodyorothers. These are the skilled girls with experience and a super competitive nature. It was amazing watching them skate VERY skillfully and avoid getting boxed out by the blockers. Two girls really stood out: Jawbreaker and Suzy Smashbox. Both from different MN teams, but since it was an all-star match, they were on the same team. They really tore it up.

Between halves, and ELO tribute band, name E.L.No, played for the crowd of like 2,500 people. Everybody out on the track getting crazy. It was a great time. They were really good musicians and were able to pull off a couple of really difficult songs (while Coach screamed requests from the balcony where we were seated).

The third bout was the second half of the zombies vs pirates. They were evenly matched and looked like they were slowly getting their skills together. Fun to watch and the announcers were very amusing with their one-liners and double-entendres.

The night ended with the second half of the MNRG vs NWA. NWA skated better than they did in the first half, but still got their asses handed to them by like 112 points. It was kind of a slaughter, but you could tell they were trying. They didn’t give up (like I would have done), and there wasn’t a run-rule where they just call the game, so they stuck it out.

Seriously, if you get a chance, go watch roller derby in your own home town or come up here to visit us and we’ll take you to a bout. MNRG has four teams, and of course, we picked our favorite team based on the color of uniforms, not based on which one had either Suzy Smashbox or Jawbreaker on it. Gerd is a Cubs fan, so she’s used to cheering for a losing team (burn)…

Top 5 things about MN Roller Girls
1. Girls on skates wearing tights and knee-high socks (come on, seriously)
2. 2,500 fans watching
3. Zombies vs Pirate theme - brilliant
4. Skating is now an actual sport in my mind
5. Girls flying into the crowd periodically
(I could make this list 15 things long if I wanted to…)

Bottom 5 things
1. Parking isn’t the greatest (or cheapest)
2. It’s hard to find the actual entrance to The Roy
3. Seemed like a long night of roller derby
4. My Seattle roller derby friends weren’t there to help cheer
5. My throat and head hurt from all the yelling I did (yeah, I’m one of those people)

http://www.mnrollergirls.com