My friends M. and Trash Giant like to experiment with different culinary oddities. Sometimes it is candy. Sometimes it is crock pots. Sometimes it is a freakshow device someone gets as a gift for Christmas. M.Giant got a box of Eggies this year and after trying one himself, Trash decided I needed to experience the mysterical and wonderbang joy of Eggies.
The box exclaims “NEVER PEEL a Hard-Boiled Egg Again!” Focus on the “never peel” part for a moment. Yes, I DO find it difficult to get all of the shell of a hard-boiled egg from time to time. IS it enough to anger me to the point I’ll invent a device that actually adds steps to circumvent the dastardly shell that I so loathe? Probably not. But apparently, someone was enraged enough by this blood-pressure-spiking phenomenon to do just that.
So, we’re going to look at the normal process for boiling an egg and eating it first.
Step 1 – boil some water
Step 2 – drop in an egg (still in the shell) and wait a couple of minutes
Step 3 – remove egg from water and let cool
Step 4 – crack and peel the egg (THIS is the apparent bane of someone’s existence)
Step 5 – eat the egg
Hello, 2012. Nice to meet you. Who’s your new friend? Oh, hello Eggie! I can’t wait for you to save me the trouble of peeling a hard-boiled egg before I eat it. Show me how!
Step 1 – start a pan of water boiling
Step 2 – disassemble the four pieces of the Eggie plastic egg-shaped device
Step 3 – spray pieces with Pam or some other stickiness fighter
Step 4 – reassemble the Eggie, minus the top lid portion
Step 5 – crack a raw egg and use laser-precision to get most of the raw egg into the small hole in the top of the Eggie device while keeping the yolk intact
Step 6 – sprinkle in whatever flavorings you’d like to add to your hard-boiled egg into the small hole in the top of the Eggie. We used Cajun seasoning in our trial.
Step 7 - Tighten both the top screw-down enclosure AND the collar around the fat portion of the Eggie – this stops it from exploding all over your kitchen due to pressure build up
Step 8 – Swirl the ingredients you added to the Eggie to distribute the seasoning evenly. Do not shake
Step 9 – Drop the Eggie gently into the now boiling water with the loop pointing up and wait a couple of minutes
Step 10 – remove Eggie from water and let cool
Step 11 – loosen the collar of the Eggie and unscrew the pieces of the Eggie
Step 12 – turn the Eggie upside down and hope it slides out onto your plate. In our case, we had to coax it with a spoon
Step 13 – eat what appears to be a half of a hard-boiled egg with the mange (Trash’s term, not mine)
Step 14 – wash and store Eggie containers for when you re-gift them to some other sucker
Weird, since the big selling point on the Eggies box is it is a three step process – Crack, Boil, Twist! When do they do all these other things?
First things first: The egg, despite its appearance of having gone from an egg shape to a dome shape with a flat bottom and covered with disease, is delicious. Honestly, the damn things are fantastic. Probably helped by the Cajun seasoning we put in to help it. Seriously. It was a delicious hardboiled egg. Well-played, Eggie.
The egg is dome-shaped because the raw egg doesn’t completely fill the Eggie. The top portion is flat so when you flip it over, it looks like you’ve lost the top half of your egg. I assure you, it is still in there. It was, in fact, hermetically sealed in the Eggie container with the collar put on. I’m still not sure why it looks diseased though. Must be some sort of bubble issue or reaction to the seasoning, but it definitely does not have an appealing exterior. Just ignore those things and eat it.
Secondly, you’ve gone from a five-step process to a fourteen-step process. That’s a 180% increase in the amount of work you have to do to eat this. I’m no mathmatologist, but I THINK this is the fatal flaw in the Eggie’s intended purpose. Does it avoid the hassle of peeling the egg after it is cooked? Yes. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. However, there’s all this other stuff that you have to do that completely negates the aforementioned mission. [Editor’s note: Having just been to China, this may be the best invention for this country, since they love to add steps to processes to keep people employed – this could be a godsend (if they believed in God)]
Finally, this device exponentially increases the amount of time you’ll spend making hard-boiled eggs. Why, you ask? Because there are six Eggies in a box. Once your kids find out how miserable you are making leprosy-covered egg-domes every morning, they’re all going to ask for 2 or 3 each. You’re going to have to get up a 3am to make people eggs each morning. I’m sorry. Were you sleeping? I wanted a couple of Eggies, Mom. Thanks! See you in a few hours!
Thanks for allowing me to experience the Eggie, M. and Trash Giant. If I see them in some sort of re-gifted act of kindness for me, you will pay. You WILL pay…