Twisted Fork - St. Paul, MN

I had dropped D.Rough at roller derby Saturday morning and knew I wanted something fun for breakfast. I remembered driving by this place that we had commented about a number of times – Twisted Fork. One of the things we always commented about the Twisted Fork was that you can’t really see it. It is in a building that houses The Green Mill. In fact, as you can see from the outside of the building, the green mill has doors on both sides of the Twisted Fork as well as a huge sign on the outside of the building directly above the Twisted Fork. It just looks like the Green Mill – and who really wants to eat there?


I pulled up a stool at the bar. The inside of this place is much bigger and nicer than I expected having driven past. It’s border-line classy in there. There’s about 20 or so tables in side, so there’s plenty of room. The bartender (they’re a wine and beer place, not a hard liquor place) got me a menu and gave me some time to peruse it. There are a lot of things on the menu that sounded really good. I decided on the Strawberries and Cream French Toast, but I wanted to give them a shot at showcasing what they’re really good at. When I asked Rocky (the bartender) what the place was known for or what he would recommend, he said the Strawberries and Cream French Toast was really good. Well, that decided it. And of course, a side of applewood bacon!

I didn’t wait long for my food. It arrived looked really delicious. The photos don’t do this thing justice as the light wasn’t helping, having sat at the bar next to the wall. Just too dark.


Ah, screw it, I'll turn the flash on so you can see the inside of the french toast.

Before I started eating, Rocky came over and offered a suggestion. He said to leave off the syrup on the first few bites. I would find that I probably wouldn’t need it at all. I get the impression Rocky knows his food – he’s very helpful. The French toast was REALLY good. It was thick slices of Challah bread with homemade sweet cream slather between the slices of bread. Also between the slices were very thinly sliced pieces of strawberries – just the skin, actually. The Challah bread was dipped in some serious egg batter and fried all together and served with two giant dollops of homemade whipped cream and strawberries on top.

Rocky is 100% right, it didn’t need the syrup at all. There was plenty of sweetness in all of the ingredients and it was so rich, you didn’t need anything additional weighing it down. The flavor of the strawberries permeated everything without being overpowering and the homemade whipped cream was light fluffy, and delicious. The bread really was the star of this show – dense and sweet and the egg batter only enhanced the flavor. I did try a couple of bites dipped in the syrup, just to make sure, but Rocky knows what he’s talking about – it’s better without it.

The bacon was some of the best I’ve had. It was thick cut and cooked just to crisp. The flavor of the applewood was the most vibrant I’ve had. It didn’t taste smoky or anything like that, but the flavor was perfect. I will get a side of their bacon everytime I come back here, I think. They have a lot of happy hour specials, including a date night. I think I’ll be briging D.Rough back here for some half priced bottles of wine.



[Note - my credit card bill came from Green Mill, so I'm assuming there is some sort of tie in with that place. Maybe it's top secret and we're not supposed to know. ANyway, it's WWAAAAYYY better than anything I've had at Green Mill.]

Top 5 things about Twisted Fork
1. Strawberries and Cream French Toast
2. Applewood Bacon
3. Menu is comprehensive and delicious-looking
4. Rocky and his fellow staff people were very friendly and helpful
5. Actual slightly twisted fork
Bottom 5 things
1. They need some serious signage so people don’t mistake it for Green Mill
2. Parking isn’t the best, since it’s street parking, but you’ll have to make due
3. I wasn’t in a beer or wine mood, but a screwdriver would have hit the spot
4. D.Rough’s going to be mad she finds out I went here without her…
5. Just a little on the pricy side, but you get what you pay for here – it’s worth it.

www.twistedforkgrille.com

Poor Richard’s Commonhouse – Bloomington, MN

My friend D.Sales and I decided to meet up for lunch, so we picked a place near both of us. I’ve never been to Poor Richard’s, but I’ve driven by it a bunch of times and wondered what it was like. I read that it was a former Major’s restaurant location, so I had an idea of what it used to be, but not what it was now. The website wasn’t entirely functional, so I didn’t get any help there.


The inside is actually enormous. I was surprised how spacious it was inside. Huge bar in the middle of a large room and then smaller dining rooms off to the sides. It is decorated in a sort of modern colonial theme. Picture a Majors or Champps but then, theme it with Benjamin Franklin and Betsy Ross – literally. And it isn’t in a bad way, it just is like nothing I’ve ever really witnessed. And I guess to keep it jolly old England style, they had soccer on the flat screens, which was a bonus (Columbus Crew vs FC Dallas).

The menu has some unique things on it, mainly involving Bison. I’m guessing a lot of Native American people don’t eat at Poor Richard’s – that’s kind of shoving it in their face, don’t you think? Bison chili, Bison sliders, Bison pasta, etc. I had my food decision all picked out and then I thought to ask the server about the specials. She said they had a fire and ice burger – burger with cream cheese and sliced jalapenos on it. Dang it, now I wanted THAT. I also got stuck with lemonade since they have Coke products. Sigh.


We didn’t wait long for our food, which I was kind of surprised about. That worked out well though. The burger looked plenty large and filling and the fries were especially crispy looking. I think I heard people talk about double frying French fries to make them super crispy while watching a cooking show on food network. I think that’s the secret to doing this. And if I’m full of crap and don’t know what I’m talking about, sue me. I’ll eat those fries no matter how their cooked.

The burger was a perfect medium .Just the right amount of pink on the inside. The toppings weren’t overdone and seemed to be a great mix of flavors for the amount of meat there was. The jalapenos weren’t particularly spicy, but then again, when is jalapeno season? I don’t know either. The meal came with coleslaw (a very small ramekin of coleslaw to be exact), which I ate. I’ll assure you that is noteworthy, since I’m NOT a fan of coleslaw. But I always try it just to make sure I don’t like it. This one was much better – less mayo or something. This was a really good burger that I would either order here again, or make a bunch of at home…

D.Sales had ordered soup and it arrived without a spoon, then the server disappeared for a bit, so he had to wait for a spoon. But he ended up eating his soup while it was still hot. His melty ham and cheese sandwich looked delicious and he said positive things about it. I didn’t ask him for a bite though – we’re not at THAT level in our relationship…

At the end of the meal, she brought us our bill and we handed over credit cards to split the meal. She returned with one credit card and then asked if we had paid with one card. She remembered picking up two cards. I’m glad she remembered that because apparently she now realized she had lost my credit card. Wonderful. After lots of searching and some considerable waiting on our part, she found my credit card and after she returned it, came back to refund the money put on D.Sales’ credit card so he didn’t get stuck with the whole bill.

It wasn’t a cheap lunch, but I’ve paid way more for burgers before. It was a great restaurant-priced burger. It isn’t fast food after all. I think I’ll head back to this place for lunch in the future. I got in and out of there pretty quickly, it’s close, and the menu had lots of things I’d like to try on it. Despite some pretty harsh reviews online, I think this place is pretty good.

Top 5 things about Poor Richard’s Commonhouse
1. Fire and Ice Burger
2. Super crispy fries
3. Really large menu
4. Friendly waitress and quick service
5. Coleslaw was pretty good

Bottom 5 things
1. Lost my credit card temporarily
2. Small coleslaw portion
3. Forgot the soup spoon and you can’t eat soup with a fork
4. It’s a little on the pricey side for a lunch (expect about $15)
5. It’s a little hard to navigate to from 494, despite the fact you can see it from the road

www.poorrichardscommonhouse.com

Trattoria da vinci – St. Paul, MN

D.Rough and I had driven by Trattoria da Vinci a number of times and thought we’d better check it out. We were completely unsure of the fanciness of the restaurant, so we got a little “business romantic” and headed downtown to check it out.

It’s a challenge to get in the front door, being as the front door is actually through the lobby of a high-rise that the restaurant is nestled in. So you have to go in what looks like the front doors to a hotel/apartment building then go to the restaurant (rather than roam around the outside looking for a door while diners pointed and laughed because it’s 10 below zero outside).

The inside is more casual than we thought, but there was a good mix of dressy and casual people, so we weren’t out of place. It’s got a couple of Italian columns inside and some Italian artwork on the wall, so it's sort of got a Pier 1 Italian feel. We got a seat near one of the windows so we could mock other people who couldn’t find the entrance.

The waitress brought us menus and helped us determine what we should get. The menu isn’t huge, but there are plenty of things to eat – from pizza and sandwiches to a pasta bar. We thought we’d split some things, so we went with Insalata Misticanza (salad with almonds, dried cranberries and topped with parmesan and balsamic vinaigrette) and Prosciutto E Mozzarella (pan seared mozzarella wrapped in prosciutto do Parma) to start with and then split an order of Gnocchi Do Patate (potato dumplings with Bolognese). We were also in a wine mood, so D.Rough got a glass of Pinot Grigio and I got a glass of Reisling.

The wine was wonderful for both of us and the appetizer and salad came out pretty quickly. The Misticanza salad was simple, but quite good. The cranberries were really flavorful and the dressing wasn’t too heavy. The Prosciutto was quite tasty as well. The presentation was a little weird, but we eventually figured out how to cut it efficiently and made sure we ate the entire thing. We really liked the crunch of the bread with the saltiness of the prosciutto. The fresh mozzarella is hard to beat, no matter where you’re at. And of course, D.Rough and I fought over the balsamic reduction. Hahahaha.

The entrée came out while we were still eating our appetizers, so we had to scramble to get room on the table for everything – but we managed. We dug into the gnocchi and knew right away we had ordered the right thing. It wasn’t the best gnocchi I’ve ever had, but it really hit the spot. The sauce was good and wasn’t too liquidy or pasty and there was a tiny bit of spice, which we were both glad to taste. The gnocchi was cooked pretty well and we didn’t leave a single bit on the plate – surprise surprise, right?

The whole time we were eating, there was a guy playing guitar upstairs for the restaurant. He wasn’t a highlight or anything, but he did play some awesome versions of top 40 hits from the 90’s with all kinds of awesome jazz solos thrown in. A large group of drunk girls sang a couple of the tunes loudly while he played and he seemed amused, for the most part.

The restaurant is pretty casual and the food is good. Not stellar or ground breaking, but we’d eat there again. It’s a good safe Italian restaurant and you’re not going to go away hungry, nor broke.

Top 5 things about Trattoria da Vinci
1. Gnocchi E Patate
2. Prosciutto E Mozzarella
3. Insalata Misticanza
4. Decent wine list by the glass
5. Very good server who took care of us

Bottom 5 things
1. It’s difficult to find the entrance
2. The menu isn’t huge
3. They have different things on the online menu that we were unable to order
4. The timing of the food could have been better, leaving us more room on our table to eat
5. It’s a bit more casual than we expected

www.trattoriadavinci.com

Pho 83 – Shakopee, MN

Another lunch road trip needed to be taken, so I consulted the list of Shakopee dining establishments I’ve compiled and headed to Pho 83. It’s right across the street from the fancy horse track – Canterbury Park. It’s in a small strip mall, so I drove past it once and had to come back to it.

The inside is nice and clean – decorated nicely, as well. And the place was full of Asians, which is a good sign. The nice man behind the counter seated me at a booth and I started scanning the menu. I was hungry for fresh spring rolls, but was in a rush, so I ended up ordering the wrong ones. I ordered Vietnamese Egg Rolls accidentally and didn’t notice what I had done until they arrived at the table. My own fault. I also ordered a Dew, since they’re one of about 6 places in Minnesota to carry Pepsi products. I was in the mood for Pho, which based on their name, I assumed was pretty good. The Pho menu was pretty small, but I found what I needed, so I got P2 – Pho with sliced rare beef and meatballs.

The Dew came out with a bendy straw, which sadly, made my day up until that point. The Vietnamese Egg Rolls also came out and were super hot – fresh out of the deep fryer. I waited until they cooled a bit and bit into one. A bit pork-y for my taste, but still really good. Also a little greasy for my taste, but maybe that’s because I was actually in the mood for fresh rolls. Either way, these were pretty good. I didn’t care much for the light sauce that came with the rolls. It just didn’t have enough flavor. So I was thankful to see a bevy of sauces on the table for me to choose from. I grabbed the hoisin and sri racha and whipped up a better sauce for my tastes. That made the egg roll much better.

The waitress then brought out the Pho and the traditional plate of basil, bean sprouts, limes, and jalapenos. I was tempted to eat with chopsticks, but since I was in a rush and had noone to impress with my skillz, I went with the fork. Actually, it was a threak (a threak has three tines, a fork has four – dur). I began tearing up basil and throwing it in the soup along with the sprouts and jalapenos. I squeezed both limes into the bowl and then slathered the whole thing in hoisin and sri racha. Then, because I was feeling sassy, I threw in a scoop of chili peppers also on the table. This is what you do to Pho, just to get it ready to eat: add a bunch of spicy things to it! Sounds like it's high labor but it’s worth it, though.

The Pho was quite good, honestly. It’s not the best I’ve had (thank you for ruining all other Pho places for me, D.Rough), but I’d eat here again (if it were closer). The sliced beef was good and not gristly. The meatballs (which look like sausage but aren’t) are cut in half and were pretty good. There were plenty of noodles and I didn’t really run out of any ingredients. I drank some of the delicious broth separately since it’s hard to drink with a threak, but it was delicious. And since I was so generous with the peppery things, my face was a tad warm when I finished. And also my nose was running badly. And I had broken a considerable sweat. I’m sure I impressed the staff there (who probably didn’t even notice).

Overall, this place was pretty good. Super nice staff people and all of the customers appeared top leave happy and full. If you’re in the Shakopee area and it’s not 85 degrees out (like it is today), grab yourself some Pho.

Top 5 things about Pho 83
1. Pho with sliced rare beef and meatballs
2. Super nice staff people
3. Large menu (minus the Pho section)
4. Vietnamese Egg Rolls
5. They have Dew

Bottom 5 things
1. The dipping sauce for the Vietnamese Egg Rolls didn’t have any flavor at all
2. Limited Pho offerings
3. It’s much farther from the office than I thought
4. It is set off the main road behind a gas station so it’s easy to drive past
5. I melted my own face off with the added heat - totally my own fault

Pho 83
1141 Canterbury Rd. S.
Shakopee, MN 55379

Newt’s – Rochester, MN

My friend, Tekmet, was in Rochester with family and I told him I’d be happy to drive down to have dinner with him some night. He agreed and I told him I’d check out where to eat. I came across this award-winning burger place called Newt’s, so I suggested that. He was game, as long as they had beer. They did.

It’s a little confusing before you even get to the place, you have to go down this alley next to the City Grille, then up some fire escape stairs to get inside. Once inside, if you’re lucky, there will be someone standing there taking your name for a table. We weren’t lucky and the place was packed. Some other people waiting told us someone would be around to take our name, but no one showed up for about 10 minutes. Yikes. We put in our name and grabbed a couple drinks from this bartender who might have been Yanni’s lesser talented older brother – long flowy grey mullet and looks like he loves Skynrd. Right after someone stood up from the bar and we sat down, they called our name and seated us less than 5 feet from where we were sitting.


The really nice waitress brought us menus and made sure we were alright drink-wise. She said she was going to bring us popcorn, but she never did, sadly. Oh well, she knew we’d be getting full enough, apparently. The menu has like 20 burgers on it, and they all sound delicious, and apparently, they’re all award winning. I was torn between two in particular, but ended up going with Todd’s Burger – 2 fried eggs, 2 strips bacon, ½ pound burger, cheddar on a grilled bun. It came with fries, so that’s what I stuck with.

We chatted about life in general and got caught up and talked about the band we were in, back in the day. And a VERY short while later, our burgers came out. They were serious burgers. There’s a photo on the website that looks tasty, and the burgers in front of us looked EXACTLY like the photo in the ads.

I know I throw out the term “Top 5” from time to time, but this burger is in the Top 5. It was delicious and juicy and all of the flavors of the toppings were perfect. There was just the slightest hint of pink inside the meat, and the bacon was perfectly cooked. The fries were slightly above average as well, so no complaints there. Somehow I got talked into a second Strongbow, but since I’m a tubby guy, I could handle it and still be able to drive back to the Twin Cities afterwards. Seriously, these were both amazing burgers.

The next time I go there, and I sincerely HOPE there is a next time, I’m getting Mike D’s Fatty Melt – two grilled cheese sandwiches act as buns to a burger with onion rings, bacon and Dijon mayo. Best patty melt ever. Now, I’m hungry all over again after typing that description.

The signs on the highway don’t lie. There’s a reason these burgers have won awards. They’re really quite good.

Top 5 things about Newt’s
1. Todd’s Burger
2. Marvin’s Burger
3. Super friendly staff after we got seated
4. Really thorough menu and everything looks good
5. Talking about band stuff from way back when had us both rolling

Bottom 5 things
1. Waited a long time to even get our name on the list to be seated
2. Waitress forgot our popcorn
3. A bit confusing to get to from the street
4. Worst music selection ever
5. I miss Tekmet something fierce. Seriously

www.cccrmg.com/newts.htm

TJ Hooligan’s – Prior Lake, MN

Road trip for lunch day!!! I tried to find a place that had something large or exciting or wacky or horrific to eat, and I stumbled upon TJ Hooligan’s Pub and Grub. It had an Insane Burrito. To be honest with you, I had no idea where Prior Lake was, but I had heard a couple of people from work say they lived there, so I assumed it would be drivable for lunch. What’s funny is as I was walking to my car, I saw a couple of cars with Wisconsin plates in our parking lot as well. I started to wonder how far it would be, if people I worked with thought Wisconsin was drivable…

I hit the road and the ole’ GPS box said it would be 20 minutes away. That seems like a doable lunch distance, right? Sure, whatever. I found the place, but had to drive past it and U-turn to come back to it because the road has a significant concrete median right in front of the place. It’s in a strip mall, so things were looking up. I saw a nice patio outside and it’s next to a place where I’ll probably also come back to for lunch called the Basement.

The place on the inside looks like a dark Irish pub. It’s got all kinds of metal toys and pedal cars and airplanes hanging from the ceiling and an equal mix of booths and tables. Nothing special. I already knew I was ordering the Insane Burrito, so I just had to find out if they had Dew. Success!!!

I read some of the book I’m trying to get through and eavesdropped on some of the locals. My favorite comment was one of the townsfolks walked through the door and upon glancing at the tv, said loudly, “Aw come on. We’ve got nature going on up in hur!” referring to the discovery channel or something that was on the television. What an oddball. The waitress also brought out some chips and salsa for me to snack on while waiting for the food. The chips honestly were a tad stale and chewy, but the salsa was pretty good, if you don’t mind a sweeter (rather than spicy) salsa.

The burrito came out and I wasn’t impressed with its size (twss). I should have asked what made it insane. It looked pretty good, but not extreme by any stretch. I took a bite and honestly, it surprised me. The pork (you can get chicken, beef, or pork inside) was some of the best and most tender pork I’ve ever tried. But it wasn’t even the slightest bit hit.

I’m going to go out on a limb here, but when you call a burrito “insane,” it better have one of three things:
• It better be HUGE
• It better be dangerously spicy
• OR it better be in the shape of John Wayne Gacy’s head

Being that none of these items could be crossed off my list, my only assumption is that the chef is mentally unstable and might have killed someone and put him inside the burrito. Definitely not scary; definitely not spicy; definitely not gut-wrenching. HOWEVER, the pork was really really quite fantastic… for a bar burrito. If I were to throw out ratings, which I generally don’t like to do, I would give it the Minnesota-modified Mexican food rating of a 5. But on the bar burrito scale, I’d probably put it around 8-ish or 9, even. The meat was that good.

There were a couple of other things on the menu that sounded interesting, but I’m guessing they’ll be equally non-mexican tasting. Besides, the place next door is in the shape of a barn and I DO have a certain affinity for barn-shaped restaurants.

Top 5 things about TJ Hooligan’s
1. The pork was really quite tasty
2. Salsa
3. They have Dew
4. Waitress was super friendly and nice
5. Even though it’s a haul to get there, I drove by a handful of other places I want to try

Bottom 5 things
1. Not even remotely mexican
2. Stale-ish chips
3. It’s a serious drive to get there and THEN you have to do a U-turn to actually get to it
4. The Spanish rice is made from the same packets I use at home
5. I already have low expectations for the T.J.’s Belly Buster Bigger & Better Burger, and that bothers me. (The menu says it’s 2/3 pound – that’s not a belly buster. The 2-pound burger at the Twisted Spoke in Chicago is a belly buster!)

www.tjhooligans.com

JJ’s Clubhouse – Golden Valley, MN

Coach, KingDavid, WiseCracker, and I needed to eat since we all hurt from laughing. Seriously – hurt. When I was at Major’s earlier that week, I drove past JJ’s Clubhouse and wanted to try it. I had never been there before, so I thought.

When Coach asked where it was, I told him it was near where we stayed when we all met for a ball game in 2007 in Minneapolis. When we got closer, I realized it’s exactly where we stayed in 2007 and we did in fact eat there the morning after an all-night Wii marathon in the hotel next door. So I had been there. I’m a moron sometimes.

Anyway, the menu had a lot of bar-type sandwiches on it and we all found something to eat. I ended up with a Cajun Pork Tenderloin and a bowl of chili. It just sounded right. The chili was better than a lot of chili I’ve had at restaurants. Cheese covered and served with crackers. It had chunks of steak in it and was a little bit spicy – without being too much to handle. The tenderloin was seasoned with some spicy goodness and came with two slices of pepperjack cheese on it. Awesome combination. The sandwich was spicy and flavorful and juicy. A couple of stringy parts, but you’ll have that when you’re eating a pork tenderloin. Didn’t matter – it was still really good. My lips were tingling a half hour after eating it, but not in a bad way. I’d get this sandwich again without question.

Coach was impressed by how serious Minnesotans are about their pull tabs (gambling for people too cheap to buy scratch-off tickets). The money goes to good causes like youth hockey, so Minnesotans are serious about it. They have lottery/pull tab booths full time in bars. Very serious.

I’d go back to JJ’s anytime. And the beauty of it is with my lack of short-term memory, I won’t even remember I’ve been there in 6 months. That works to my advantage, I think.

Top 5 things about JJ’s Clubhouse
1. Cajun Pork Tenderloin
2. Chili
3. Good sized menu
4. Kept the refills coming
5. The onion rings looked good – too bad WiseCracker wasn’t in a sharing mood – ha ha ha

Bottom 5 things
1. They have screwdriver specials on Saturday and Sunday mornings, but not Thursday afternoons
2. Slow service
3. Seemed to be a lot of kitchen staff sitting around the dining room
4. Difficult to find off a frontage road from I-394
5. Coke products – no Dew

www.jjsclubhousemn.com

Major’s Sports Café – Golden Valley, MN

I went to a quick business lunch at Major’s on the recommendation of the gentleman that set up the meeting. I hadn’t ever heard of it, but I’m always up for new places. It’s kind of a sports bar atmosphere mixed with casual restaurant. Lots of TVs with various sports but generally a clean and nice restaurant environment. Kind There is a formal dining room section, a sports café section, and a standard bar section. Good thinking, designers – well played.

The staff was super helpful and explained the lunch specials, which were pretty diverse for a sports bar. The menu itself was pretty large as well, so I was sure to find something to eat and not starve. I wasn’t in the mood (nor did I have time) to gorge myself, so I opted for something off the lunch menu. I decided to go with the shredded pork chimichanga. I know, bad move, never order Mexican food at a sports bar. But based on the lack of quality Mexican food in the Twin Cities, I didn’t figure it could be that bad, right?

We chatted about business and such (sounds important doesn’t it? – it might be – time will tell) and the food actually came out pretty quick. Since it was a business lunch, I decided not to whip out the camera phone and snap a photo – my apologies. The chimi was pretty generous for lunch and looked delicious. Lots of melty (real) cheese on top and I found myself looking forward to this one. The meat inside was cooked perfectly and had a god mix of black beans, pork, and more melty white cheese inside. It was pretty good. And for a sports bar in Minnesota, it was great.

I’ll not balk at going here in the future. It’s not really close to me, but if someone decides that’s where we should go, I won’t complain (even though they had Coke products). It might not be top of my list of places to bring out-of-town guests, but it was pretty good for lunch.

Top 5 things about Major’s
1. Pork Chimichanga
2. Sports weren’t rammed down my throat (I’m not a sports bar kind of guy)
3. Nice environment for a business lunch
4. Super friendly staff
5. Quality selections on the menu

Bottom 5 things
1. Probably can’t get in there and out of there in under an hour (I wasn’t even close, but I was yapping)
2. Off a frontage road and parking lot is weird to get to
3. My Mexican rice was a little bland
4. Coke products
5. I didn’t get offered a job at the business lunch – ha ha ha (totally NOT the fault of Major’s)

www.majorssportscafe.com

El Gordo - St. Louis Park, MN

A coworker and I needed to escape for lunch, so we decided to have a “guy’s lunch.” DawgMan was feeling all Mexican and had been to El Gordo a few times and had good luck there. I’m still on the hunt for good Mexican food up here in the Twin Cities, so I was definitely game.

It’s in a confusing strip mall in St. Louis Park, but we eventually made it – it was close for a while though. Got seated right away and the servers were very friendly (and appeared Hispanic, which is usually a good sign). The offered to get us drinks and then said the magical four words I long for at restaurants, “We have Pepsi products.” Dewski for me, gracias señor!

DawgMan got the lunch fajita and I opted for the chimichanga. It’s not really my favorite dish, but it’s one of those things that I can kind of gauge the caliber of restaurant by when I’m new there. They brought out some chips and salsa which were pretty good, and we chatted about work. A short while later they brought out our food. Not 10 seconds later, another waiter came by and asked us how everything tasted. I assured him we would let him know after we had actually tasted something. He laughed and left.

The fajita looked good, but since DawgMan is rude, he didn’t offer to share like any normal lunch date would have. Rude. (But it was guy’s lunch, so I could get over it, since I didn’t offer to share mine either – we’re guys, come on.) My chimichanga was good. Not fantastic or great or unbelievable. Just good. I love the creamy melty white cheese they used. It was just a little small and bland compared to some other places. However in the Twin Cities, this still probably would rank as a 7, sadly. It came with beans, rice, and some salady things, so I got full. No complaints there. It wasn’t a huge meal, but it was a decent lunch. I promise I won’t complain about it (though a bite of fajita sure would have been nice…)

If you’re in the neighborhood, check it out. I wouldn’t make a special trip though.

Top 5 things about El Gordo
1. Dew
2. Guy’s lunch should be mandated – get it? Man-dated. ha ha ha
3. Chimichanga
4. Chips and Salsa
5. It loosely translates to “The Fattie”

Bottom 5 things
1. Confusing to get to in the strip mall
2. Portion was a little small
3. Decorated like it’s in a strip mall (because it is)
4. It got good reviews online, but maybe I got my hopes up
5. Lunch companion was selfish (does not reflect poorly on El Gordo)

Carbone’s Pizza – Bloomington, MN

Gerd’s parents came up to the Twin Cities this weekend, and despite it being really emotional for all of us, I love them to pieces and it was really good to see them. I also won’t give them rude nicknames out of respect (not that I don’t respect everyone else I’ve given rude nicknames to, but it’s different), although I KNOW Gerd would have picked out some winners.

We needed a quick bite, so we hit up the only pizza place that Gerd and I ever found with pizza she would have recommended to her parents. They have a refined pizza palette and most of the places we’ve tried in the Twin Cities have not been up to snuff to Gerd’s discerning taste. But Trash and M.Giant turned us on to Carbone’s when we moved up from Illinois, and it withstood Gerd’s strict pizza scrutiny. Also, when Trash and M.Giant find out I went there without them, I’m going to hear about it for a long time.

There are a bunch of locations in the area for Carbone’s, so we picked one that I thought I knew where it was. Apparently, I was wrong. I called the store before we left to make sure they weren’t packed. The guy said, “We don’t get a lot of sit down customers. The dining room is almost empty.” Weird, but now I know why. This place is unfindable. The GPS took us straight there, but we drove past at least 4 or 5 times without seeing it. That’s because it’s behind a building and there’s no sign to indicate where it’s at. Brilliant! Once we realized where the place was at, we pulled into the wrong parking lot and still couldn’t’ get to it. Maybe your dining room is empty because NO ONE CAN FIND YOUR RESTAURANT!!! (Just a hunch, I’m not a pizza real estate expert.)

GerdsDad commented as we walked in, “Zero points for atmosphere.” Hilarious. And he was right. 4 booths and maybe 2 tables. Actually 4 booths for dwarves, not normal sized people (or tall people like Gerd’s family). We all piled in and decided what we want. There were also some signs (outdoor-type signs) leaning against the wall behind our booth, so that added to the atmosphere. We scanned the menu – I realized then that I had never seen a menu – Gerd or Trash always got the pizza for me and I just ate it. I was hoping the pizza would make up for the atmosphere, and I was right.

We got a large meat lovers, which thrilled me to death. I do love a good meaty pizza. If Trash wasn’t a vegetarian, M.Giant and I would have been eating this for the past year multiple times a week. Way to hold us back, Trash. Super thin crust pizza with all kinds of meat and cheese on the top. Even served on styrofoam plates with plastic silverware and pop in cans (Gerd would have had issue with the canned pop, as you know), the pizza is glorious. Gerd’s parents were very impressed. I think we all ate more than we thought we would. Thankfully, Carbone’s came through for us. Seriously this is top-notch pizza, even for choosy taste buds.

We decided to leave two pieces for leftovers for me, so I went to the counter and asked for a box. I thought I’d get a styrfoam container, but since it’s a pizza place, they only have pizza boxes. They gave me a small one, which was nice of them. However, this thing was like the rubik’s cube of boxes. I’ll pat myself on the back and say I’m pretty good with spatial relationships and putting things together, but this box was clearly created by a mentally challenged person who didn’t pass the Ikea entrance exam, but had just seen Hellraiser. There were perforation marks to fold, but nothing actually fit together or had tabs. I had to sit down and give it a good think. I ended up putting part of the box together and sliding the pizza into the side and then holding the side closed so my pieces wouldn’t slide out. Not sure what’s up with that, but it was frustrating/amusing.

Just go here, or go pick it up from any of the Carbone’s. They’re all good, but some are easier to find. I need to find out where Gerd and I used to get it from. I never went there the same route, so I have no idea where to find it now. Just another reason I’m helpless without Gerd around. I know I did her proud by taking her parents there!

Top 5 things about Carbone’s
1. Awesome toppings and plenty of them
2. Perfect size for three healthy eaters
3. They had Dew (in a can)
4. The pizza made up for the atmosphere
5. Got to bring home leftovers (but not many…)

Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd didn’t get to eat her favorite Twin City pizza with her family and I
2. The place is near impossible to find
3. “Zero point for atmosphere” - GerdsDad
4. Outdoor signage leaning against the inside walls
5. Super tiny booths
http://www.carbonespizzeria.com

Don Pablo’s – Eden Prairie, MN

I went here once before when I started my new job. It was decent Mexican food. So when Gerd had the day off of work and I didn’t, we decided to go there since it was pretty fast for a lunch place. This proved to be not the best choice ever. Plus this place is a challenge to get to - you can drive past it multiple times, but never find the entrance.

Again, the food was palatable, but truly, not the best effort at Mexican food – but par for the course for the Minneapolis area. After the waitress called me a girl (See, I told you this happens all the time), we ordered one of the lunch specials, which includes a drink, a salad or soup, and a smaller entrée.

To be honest, the chips are pretty good at Don Pablo’s. Not stellar, but they were one of the highlights. The salsa is pretty standard, but better than a lot of places in Minneapolis, so I won’t complain about it. The salad was pretty good according to Gerd, so go Don P. for that. And I honestly liked the Tortilla Soup. It was waaay better than most tortilla soup I’ve had before. Again, not the best, but I’d get it again, for sure.

Gerd got two beef enchiladas with a chili sauce. They were pretty plain and non-special. The rice on the plate was the most gringo-infused rice ever. But apparently, that’s how the Twin Cities does it as we’ve seen it a lot in this area. It’s super basic and not even Kansas-ian, let alone close to the border. I got one of the beef enchiladas and one chicken one. The chicken ones were better than the beef ones, but that was all pretty relative.

This is a place I’d take someone who hates Mexican food. Finicky eaters could eat here since these foods are whiter than your mom used to make on Thursday nights when you were a kid. This place won’t ever be my favorite Mexican food, but I’ll eat here if someone asks me to. I wonder if I should maybe get the nachos next time or try a couple of margaritas before eating.

Top 5 things about Don Pablo’s
1. Tortilla Soup
2. Chips
3. Decent lunch menu combo meal deal for cheap
4. Able to get in and out of there on a lunch hour
5. The décor is actually kind of cool for a gringo Mexican restaurant

Bottom 5 things
1. Plain flavored enchiladas
2. Plain salsa
3. Plain rice was rubbery
4. Only have enchiladas on the lunch menu (mostly)
5. TWO waitresses called me a girl

www.donpablos.com

Houlihan’s – Richfield, MN

While driving around on Saturday afternoon, nothing seemed to look appetizing. Were we in the mood for Italian? Mexican? Ethiopian? We kept driving and eventually came upon Houlihan’s. I wasn’t sure what this place was, but Gerd was apparently very familiar with this place. She described it as a nicer Bennigan’s. Sure, why not?

Parking was hilarious. Here’s why: Haoulihans is in a building with a hospital and other businesses. All of the parking signs were for the hospital and you kind of have to go through the hospital to get to the restaurant – yeah, weird. We found it eventually though. The hostess who greeted us bounced over to us and skippily asked us how we were doing. Gerd hated her right off – you know how girls are. She wasn’t offensive to my eyes in any way, which meant I couldn’t tell you a single thing she said to us after that. We got seated though – I remember that much.

Gerd remembered them having a pretty good girly drink list, so we reviewed that immediately. It was decent – not great, but decent. I got a martini flight (three martinis of my choosing) and Gerd got a diet coke (lame). Since I like ‘em girly, I got a Blue Moon (blue), Guavatini (pink), and Chocolate (brown and sugary). I rule. The blue one didn’t taste like medicine like I assumed it would and ended up being the best one. The other ones were decent though.

Gerd ordered a salad and chicken strips and I got a Tuscan salad and the fettuccini alfredo. Gerd’s salad was a standard Caesar salad with really good croutons (remember, I’m a crouton connoisseur). The chicken strips were better than average, but not even in the same class as the Village Tavern in Carol Stream, IL – just so you know. My salad was amazing – white beans, tomatoes, balsamic reduction on a bed of baby spinach. The alfredo was above average, but not stellar. It was smooth and not lumpy like some places, which means they put some effort into it, but it didn’t have any zing to it.

There were very interesting people in this restaurant, in case you decide to go there. We saw a troupe of dwarves, a family celebrating dad’s birthday all crazy dressed up, a waitress with one leg shorter than the other, and nuns brandishing swords (this last one I made up when I realized I had only seen three unique groups of people – my apologies). I won’t discuss the aforementioned hostess wearing a low-cut shirt smiling at me as she bent over very low to wipe off a nearby table FOUR times. I know better than to even bring it up.

Top 5 things about Houlihans
1. The menu had really good things on it – again, better than Bennigan’s
2. Tuscan salad
3. Chicken strips
4. Martinis
5. Alfredo

Bottom 5 things
1. Getting TO the restaurant
2. Couple of d-bags in the bar portion of the place
3. Gerd made numerous catty comments about the hostess - hilarious
4. No Monte Cristo like Bennigan’s
5. The tables must be difficult to keep clean – that girl wiped the table off four times,

http://www.houlihans.com/LocateUs.aspx?Region=Minnesota