Britney Spears in Concert – St. Paul, MN

D.Rough and I saw a Groupon for cheap Britney Spears tickets. I think it’s pretty clear to most people I’m not a fan of her music. However, I love going to live events and huge concerts, so I said I’d absolutely go with her (and pay) if she wanted to go see Britney. D.Rough is kind of a closet fan of Britney, so she said she’d love it. We called a couple people and after people laughed at us and asked us if we were serious, the dust settled and the only other people that would go were HotGirlsBrother and one of his friends, Formica.

As I said, I’m not a huge fan, so this was likely to require some serious alcohol to raise the entertainment factor of seeing a woman who used to sing to teens, sing to now-grown-ups with less enthusiasm than a root canal patient. Especially when I don’t know the words to her songs. Any of them. ...A LOT of alcohol.

To make a long story short, the concert was fun. I got to yell a lot and got to see fire and sparks and ninjas and Barbie cars and giant guitars and lasers and confetti and angel wings and flying people. The energy level was pretty low on stage, but weirdly, the crowd energy was extremely high. There were tons of people dressed in whore-y clothes thy wouldn’t let their own teen kids wear and a lot of large people packed into clothes that used to fit (Used to fit a GapKids mannequin maybe…) We took photos of them and pointed and laughed. Overall, I had a blast, but mainly because the people I was with are amazing friends and are fun people anyway. Score for me!

What follows is the transcript of my posts on Facebook and Twitter. I normally don’t do this, but I feel this sums up most of the night, as it progressed (or digressed, as the case may be). Mom, if you’re reading this, no, I’m not an alcoholic – I just appreciate lip synching and corny dancing without a live band MUCH better with alcohol.

Getting lubricated for Britney

The shots just lubricated the path for the margaritas. Safety first!

Hands in! It’s drinkin time! (Don’t worry. Jim is driving.)(That's Pear vodka, Mt. Dew-flavored vodka, and Hennesey Cognac)

Wait. NOW it is drinkin’ time!

Derby flask full of Grey Goose vodka. We are serious.

Cran Dude. It’s go time.

Strawberries and wine. It’s gonna be a good night.

Stroh is like evaporating fire candy breath strips. Wurd. (thank you, Apron).

Since it’s Britney, it’s white trash drinkin’ time. For serious. Princess Madd-Dogg 20/20. Happy birthday, PMD!

First place we go when we get to the Xcel Energy Center? The bar.

D.Runk group photos!!!!!

Pretzel. Brat. Nachos. CHECK!



Capacity whores!!!!

Who doesn’t love nachos at Britney????

A Barbie car with breakdancers!!! It’s a wonder of nature!!! More drinks!!!!

Fire. And ninjas. And lasers. And wings. And confetti. What do I look at?!?!?

After-Britney drinks!!!

D.Rough comparing my facial hair to the photo of the guy with the sweet mustache.

Post-Britney sliders.

Tweets from the night. You MIGHT sense a theme running through here...(Here's what Formica and I look like when we tweet)

DRoughQuote: It’s whores and gay guys! Oh and you and Jim. You’re a combination of both.

DRoughQuote: Smells like a thrift store in here. Titter THAT!

JimQuote: We’re fighting against the whore tide right now

ChaoQuote: Handicap whore handicap whore. Wait. It autocorrected to handicapped white.

DRoughQuotes: If I had stage parents, I totally could have been famous!

ChaoQuote: The best photobomb is where you clothesline five whores!

NickyQuote: We should have just got a whore-tel for the night

NickyQuote: Whorses.