Armored Gardens - Davenport, IA

BIL is a beer guy, so and I’ve heard him talk about this place in Davenport, IA that has a boatload of taps AND good food. Not sure why I haven't been before this point, but D and I made a point to go check it out when we were in town visiting my family. 

 

The beer menu is extensive. Literally, like 100 beers (maybe just shy when we were there, due to a keg or two running out the previous night). Good craft beers mostly. I was in the mood for beer, but D was in the mood for a fancy cocktail of some sort. She found the first drink on the cocktail menu and didn’t even go past it. Pineapple Tiki Punch, and when she found out they’d serve it in a giant palm tree cup, she had to have it. She’s the best.

 

The food menu is also pretty serious. Think of it like a very advanced snack bar where you order at the window and then they’ll give you a number and run it out to you. D decided we could split a Buffalo Chicken Salad and I have a weakness for fried samplers, so I picked “The Box” – which apparently is the best sampler in the whole world. It’s got 2 pretzels, 3 chicken tenders, 5 mini corn dogs, 2 chicken philly eggrolls, and French fries. More brown food, yes, thank you.

 

We headed outside to the beautiful patio (along with a ton of other folks who had just gotten done with a practice run for the local big-deal race we have in the Quad Cities each year – the Bix 7), and our food showed up pretty quickly after that. Meanwhile, people were walking past and taking pictures and asking about the giant palm tree glass that D was drinking from. 

 

The Buffalo Chicken Salad was pretty immense. TONs of buffalo chicken on top or lettuce, bacon, tomato, fried onions, and blue cheese dressing. We were both eating it and both really enjoyed this option. It ALMOST felt like we were eating something healthy, what with the lettuce and all.

The Box was really the killer item, though. It comes out in a pizza type box with the words “The Box” on it, so it’s hard to mistake it. We opened it up pretty quickly, so our crispy stuff didn’t get steamed and soggy and we must have done it right, since everything was really delicious and crispy. The pretzels were fantastic and came with dipping sauces. In fact, we weren’t exactly sure which sauces went with which items, so we just improvised and figured out what worked best for us. The chicken strips were super meaty and crispy. The corn dogs were really fun. The chicken philly eggrolls were really damn good, and the fries were also still crispy. 

 

This place tends to draw the younger crowd, which makes it fun and energetic. There’s a lot nearby in downtown Davenport, so I know we’ll be close enough to pop by again really soon. Even better food and beer selection than I expected, so now I’m all fired up about going back there!

Armored Gardens

Meat Mountain: Arby’s Off-Menu Monstrosity – Eden Prairie, MN

If you didn’t read about #1Fan and my past off-menu culinary adventure, you should – The Air, Land, and Sea Burger. #1Fan and I decided we needed to do a similar stunt and, since neither of us had an insurance-related biometric screening scheduled anytime soon…. we thought we would go get a Meat Mountain. I know this sandwich is sooooo 2014, but I haven’t tried it yet. To quote #1Fan’s bastardization of George Mallory’s quote, “This time we're scaling the uncharted heights of the meat mountain, BECAUSE IT’S THERE."

When we ordered the Meat Mountain, the counter kid didn’t even bat an eye. Probably totally over it by now. I love that it is actually an item in their computer system (even if it isn’t actually on their printed menu). For those of you not familiar with the Meat Mountain, it’s every meat they have in the restaurant on one bun. With two slices of cheese for color.

• 2 chicken tenders
• 1.5 oz. of roast turkey
• 1.5 oz. of ham
• 1 slice of Swiss cheese
• 1.5 oz. of corned beef
• 1.5 oz. brisket
• 1.5 oz. of Angus steak
• 1 slice of cheddar cheese
• 1.5 oz. roast beef
• 3 half-strips of bacon
• 1 bun

That’s a serious sammich, my friends.

And yes, we got curly fries and some of their new house-made parmesan potato chips. And DIET sodas.

When the sandwich came out, I laughed because the counter people are handing out two-inch-high wrapped sandwich after sandwich and then ours came out - it was like three times taller than everyone else’s sandwich. That’s when you puff your chest up and shoulder your way to the counter to pick up your macho lunch tray.

Doesn't look that big, you say?

First off, this thing is waaaaaaay bigger than you can fit into your mouth. Since humans fail miserably in the separate-your-jaw-to-eat category, you have to tackle this with some strategy: Top to bottom? Bottom to top? Layer by layer? With a fork (not recommended because you were already ballsy enough to order this sandwich – why wuss out now)? I went top to bottom then bottom to top.

Second, this thing may have a few milligrams of salt in it. Just be ready for that. I can’t help you there. Even if you put sauce on it, all of the sauces are sodium heavy. Maybe mayo might be the trick.

Third, this sandwich could use some lubrication. See #2 for the salt-caveat.

Fourth, the things it DOES have going for it are the flavor and the texture. Flavor-wise, it’s fantastic. I suppose only if you’re not a vegetarian, however – in that case, you’ve given up all joy anyway. But honestly, the meats actually tasted different from each other and the texture of each meat still kind of showed through in each bite. The best part are the chicken tenders that are on there. A really pleasant crunchy bite was fun in the mix. Much better than I even expected it to be.

I think you’ll be happy with yourself if you order one of these. Don’t look for it on the menu, it isn’t there. It’s a “secret menu item”, remember? You just have to ask for it by name. And then, immediately after you find yourself HAPPY with your decision, you’ll find yourself (or your spouse) REALLY angry with yourself.

Note, I would also recommend NOT eating this if you happen to be in a rush to get back to a meeting at work. I think forcing down that many pounds of meat was the most difficult part. It certainly wasn’t the curly fries. Just saying, you’re going to want to savor this thing with each bite. Consider postponing your meeting or do what I did – warn them you’re going to be late for your 1pm meeting. And sleepy. And smell like meat. And groaning periodically.

#1Fan remains a champion amongst men when it comes to food consumption. He had finished his sandwich and was tapping his foot hurrying me along before I had conquered the Meat Mountain completely. A most impressive showing.

  

Queen’s Arms – London, UK

Many people don’t know that D.Rough spent a semester in London while she was in college and we’ve talked about coming back together and sharing some of our favorite places with each other. Since she couldn’t come with on this trip, she advised me on few places I needed to check out in her old neighborhood. The Queen’s Arms in Kensington was one of those places.

The inside of this pub is lively – some might say loud, but I say lively. Lots of small and medium sized groups sitting at tables or standing near the bar. Everyone’s food looks great, so I’m looking forward to this. I took these photos when I first got to the place and shortly after, it was standing room only and a fire marshall's nightmare.

They’ve got an extensive beer and cider menu, as well as some good food, so I knew I’d be taken care of for a few hours, anyway. As in many places in the UK, you order at the bar – food and drinks, both. I checked out the menu and made my decisions – not the easiest thing to do with so many good things available. I started with an Addlestones Cloudy Cider. Good and full-bodied, exactly what I wanted. I ordered a Meat Board – which is like a sampler, and I also felt like I needed some mac & cheese.

The Meat Board is just awesome. Slices of hand crafted cured deli meats. A pepperoni, maybe a mortadella, and something else that was made from pigs. Delicious. There were scotched quail eggs. If you don’t know what a scotch egg is, you’re missing out – it’s a hardboiled egg wrapped in sausage and then deep-fried. Killer. These were particularly fennel-y and I loved them. A whole batch of olives and garlic, and some tasty bread and olive oil. The olives weren’t the jarred kind from the US, either. They were the good ones. Sure it was meant to be shared, but I was really hungry and ate the whole thing. Duh.

The mac & cheese was really good, as well. It was baked in a little crock and they don’t use the kinds of cheese that we do in the US. This made it even better. It also wasn’t swimming in cheese like they do in the US – I thought I’d complain about that, but the flavor of the cheese was good enough that I didn’t even notice until I looked at the photo. I really liked this stuff.

I had to get another cider, so I went with the Aspall Suffolk cider. It was a lighter color and a little sweeter but still full flavored. Liked this one a lot. The most, in fact.

I eventually finished the Aspall and went back and asked for a recommendation for a really full-bodied cider. They gave me an Orchard Pig Truffler, a dry sparkling cider. It was heavy. Very heavy, and lots of flavor. Almost overpowering. That will teach me to ask for a really full bodied cider where they invented cider. Good, and I’m glad I tried it, but it was massive.

While finishing off my last cider, I looked around at other people’s plates. The fish and chips looked fantastic. I’m not upset at all with what I ordered, but I know what I would get the next time. The Queen’s Arms is a very active pub and the bartender reminded me of my friend Justin, from back home in Illinois (he’d be offended that I said that, since he’s technically from Texas). The server and all the bartenders were extremely nice and laid back. Also, watching weave-y people drunkenly rub their faces really hard makes me laugh. This place would absolutely be my local hang out if I lived near here. Thanks for recommending it, DRough.

[Note: In the UK, it is very unusual to go to a pub alone. In the US, you can sit sadly on a barstool not talking to anyone for hours, but I don’t think that happens here. It IS amusing however, that it’s perfectly alright if you’re alone to come in to a pub and POUND A PINT OF BEER and then immediately walk out. I love fun cultural differences!]

Top 5 things about The Queen’s Arms pub
1. Meat Board, especially the Scotched Quail Eggs
2. Aspall Suffolk
3. Mac and Cheese
4. Addlestone’s Cloudy Cider
5. The staff general seemed happy to be there and wanted to help make everyone comfortable

Bottom 5 things
1. It’s very tucked away and you have to MEAN to find it, if you’re not from there
2. It gets very very packed inside
3. You sort of have to stake your claim on a bench or table if you want to sit, otherwise, you stand at the bar
4. I REALLY wanted to order the fish and chips after eating the meat board, but I’m glad I didn’t
5. I had to sit next to two people who were trying to get each other to leave their respective spouses and sleep with each other. Very weird

The Queen’s Arms
30 Queens Gate Mews
Kensington
London, SW7 5QL

www.thequeensarmskensington.co.uk

Haute Dish (HauteQue Soul Hut Pop-Up) – Minneapolis, MN

[Editor’s note: The following appears to be a fluke/freak incident where we had a bad experience and everyone else in the world had a fantastic experience. Keep this in mind when you read what appears to be the only less-than-raving review of Haute Dish ever written. And, don’t let this jade you from going and trying their regular menu! That being said, I’m writing about one specific experience, knowing that it’s not the regular experience from everything I’ve heard from friends about this place.]

Some friends sent me an article about Haute Dish doing a 4-day pop-up restaurant this week. When they saw it was BBQ-themed, they knew I’d be game for trying it out. For those unfamiliar with a pop-up restaurant, it’s more-or-less someone coming in to an established restaurant and cooking a wildly different menu than usually served there. Basically, to try some new things out or give an aspiring chef ideas about what works and doesn’t work in a restaurant setting. In this case, it was the chef from Haute Dish, Landon Schoenfeld, with a few ideas from pop-up phenom Erik Anderson. Some local articles mentioned cheating on the bbq, which is completely understandable. I get that they’re not set up with pit smokers to cook meat for 16 hours or anything. No knocks against the guy for making some adjustments, right?

We walked into Haute Dish and immediately saw a giant painting of fancy John Goodman in the waiting area – it isn’t really him (it’s Fernand Point, father of modern French cuisine), but D.Rough saw it and fell in love with it, anyway.

I will also apologize in advance as I realized I’ve become a BBQ snob in recent months. I blame HotGirlsBrother.

The comprehensive beer menu has Blast on it, but not the Colt 45 Blast, be warned. It’s an imperial IPA from Brooklyn Brewing in NY. The restaurant has a great beer list with tons of microbrew selections. Lots of stuff from Victory Brewing, which I think is part of the pop-up part of this promotion. The fantastic server steered me clear of the beer I thought I wanted. He brought me a sample and told me people were not pleased with it. I won’t mention the name of the beer, but he was 100% right with his recommendation. He suggested something else which was really delicious, and he warned D.Rough about their gimlets being strong, as well. Very bourbon-y and he was right (not in a bad way at all). Really, a super helpful server.

Atomic Chicken Wings – We asked before ordering how hot these atomic wings were (we like flavor, not just heat) and the server assured us they were good. Thankfully, he was right. The wings had a lot of meat on them and the sauce was spicy, without being painful and flavorless. While not mind-blowing, they were pretty good.

Mac and Cheese – Really quite good. It was baked in a little tin with some bread crumbs on top. Good texture and good cheese flavor. Best thing on the plate.

The Watermelon, Tomato, and Cucumber salad had peanuts and some creamy white dressing/sauce (could have been yogurt, or sour cream, or anything) delicious!

Jalapeno Spoonbread – I love spoonbread, but this wasn’t good. The less hot that it got, the more it tasted like I was shoveling butter into my mouth. There was zero jalapeno in this, not even a hint of the jalapeno flavor nor a speck of green in the gritty mush.

Brisket – The worst brisket I’ve ever had. At least 70% fat and even had some gristle in there to power through with my knife (butter knife, so judge accordingly). Flavor wasn’t even decent, thankfully, but the sauces were necessary to cover the fatty texture and flavor. I’m not sure how anyone in the kitchen could have looked at this brisket, seen the massive amount of fat on it, and sent it out to a table anyway.

Ribs – I fought the meat off the bones in this 4-bone mini-slab. The smoke flavor didn’t come from an actual smoker, but rather from a bottle. A little bitter and the aftertaste of fake smoke. As I said earlier, they cut some corners since they don’t have giant pit smokers running 16 hours a day, so I get that. But again, more fat than was worth eating, and I was pulling a lot of gristle out of my mouth and putting it on my plate after almost every bite.

Pork Belly – The fat didn’t dissolve like in almost every pork belly I’ve ever had. You had to chew the fat. A lot. It almost tasted undercooked, like a raw ham or something. I was really looking forward to this, since I’m a huge fan of pork belly.

The sauces were quite good – Jalapeno, Bacon, and Maple sauce was just ok. A little thin and might have been with bacon drippings/fat.

Sorghum, Mustard, and Vinegar - second best, and really good. I don’t even like mustard, but it wasn’t a strong mustard flavor.

Tomato, Coffee, and Raisin – amazingly good. None of those three strong flavors stuck out – it was the perfect blend. Very thick and delicious.

Despite most things on the plate not being very good, it did not jade me from Haute Dish’s regular menu and I’m still looking forward to eating there. I’ve been especially encouraged to check out the weekend brunch menu they have, so I’m looking forward to that. I’m a big fan of the 3 strikes you’re out rule, and this was my first experience. I won’t blame customer profiling (though I do joke about it), but maybe someone just had a bad day back in the kitchen. Not a problem. I simply feel bad writing a negative review for a place that regularly receives rave reviews from people I trust. So take this review with a grain of salt – I’m just reporting my particular experience this one time.

…And then, since Haute Dish is next to Sex World in downtown, Minneapolis, we saw a garbage can outside with an adult DVD in it.

Top 5 things about HauteQue Soul Hut Pop Up

1. Mac and Cheese

2. Fantastic server

3. Atomic Wings
4. Watermelon, Tomato, and Cucumber Salad
5. Very unique and delicious sauces

Bottom 5 things

1. Brisket
2. Pork Belly

3. Ribs

4. Jalapeno Spoonbread
5. Bad first experience here – which I’m sure will be remedied the next time we go back!

www.haute-dish.com

Taste of the Twin Cities (Tour de TCO) – Minneapolis, MN

It’s been a long time since M.Giant and I had a quality guy night. We headed over to the TCF Stadium for, what we hoped was, a glutinous feast of super stellar food. All we knew was it was 15-20 of the Twin Cities restaurants and there would be more than enough food. We didn’t know how many people. We didn’t know what to wear. We didn’t know if anyone else we knew was attending. We didn’t know if we had to pay for each individual dish on top of the ticket fee. We didn’t know if there would be a line a mile long. We clearly didn’t know much. But we intended to find out.

The ticket we purchased got us into the event where all the food costs were covered. As were the wine pairings. Yes, I said wine pairings. Each restaurant had a particular wine they paired with whatever dish they were serving. People could then vote on their favorites and enter their name in a drawing. Thankfully, once you got through the initial line to get in and get your complementary wine glass, you could go to whichever restaurant table you wanted to. And by “whichever”, I mean ALL OF THE TABLES. Did I mention there were 20 restaurants with tables???

There were some tricky issues we had, the first was there were television monitors behind many of the tables and those monitors would scroll through a list of participating restaurants. So you’d be eating one dish and then realize the name behind the table wasn’t where you were eating – it was just scrolling through the list. Very confusing, especially because some restaurants didn’t get the memo about bringing their own banner or sign.

Then, we ran into the issue of eating food from a small plate while holding a wine glass without spilling. Clearly we needed three or four hands to accomplish this thing. Even if you were given finger food, you still didn’t have a spare few fingers to pick up the food because of the wine glass. Logistics. It would have been better if they had small trays to collect three or four items and then go sit at one of the tables around the room. We did get to be pretty good about wedging our small plates between the fingers of our wine-glass-hand and eating with the available hand. Tricky, but we’re expert eaters.

Then we realized the pours of wine weren’t “polite pours”. They were real pours. And if we were going to drink 20 glasses of wine, we would likely die. (Die happy, but whatever.) So we had to scale that back. A little.

As for the food, I think I had high expectations of something adventurous or weird or “out of the box”. That wasn’t what this event was about. This was more close to home and comfort-y foods and maybe a tiny bit unusual for suburban people. I’m not complaining because what we were served was good – even delicious in some cases – but nothing was worth raving about to my friends or getting me to get in the car immediately and driving to a restaurant (with a few exceptions). Some highlights were:

• Barker’s Bar and Grill – Rosemary pork belly with amish blue cheese and red currant jelly – served with a nice Moscato
• McCoy’s – Chile-honey spare ribs – served with Steel Toe Sommer Vice beer
• St. Clair Broiler – Meatloaf sliders with some delicious sauce – served with Pothic red wine

For the dessert dishes, there were a few that were good, but were pretty standard and things you could get a lot of places – key lime pie, banana rum cake, chocolate truffles, raspberry tarts, chocolate and caramel tortes. Again, they were good, but didn’t make me crave anything nor surprised me with the combinations.

There were two dishes that really stuck out – head and shoulders abover the rest - in both M.Giant’s and my own opinions.

• Great Waters Brewing Co – Seared pork tenderloin with bacon jam and chipotle mayo – served with Brown Trout Brown Ale
• J.D. Hoyt’s – Buddy Bowl of red beans and rice, shrimp, and chicken and corn bread – served with Terra d’oro Red Zin

Seriously, these two tasted the best of the evening and we may or may not have gone back multiple times. I also fell in love with the Terra d’oro Zinfandel Port. I WILL be buying some of this as soon as I can. It is basically a non-syrupy port. It was awesome, especially with the different foods we tried.

Overall, a fun experience and we loved eating 20 different food options. The downside was that it wasn’t anything wacky and zany. I would totally do this again next year, especially since we got a coupon book with $180 in coupons in it. It is absolutely worth it and wasn’t a high-pressure night. Plus, I don’t mind standing in line with M.Giant while covering every subject topic known to man. Such a blast.

Top 5 things about the Taste of the Twin Cities
1. Great Waters Brewing Co.’s seared pork tenderloin
2. J.D. Hoyt’s Buddy Bowl
3. Terra d’oro Zinfandel Port
4. McCoy’s chile-honey spare ribs
5. REALLY a great value

Bottom 5 things
1. Nothing out of the ordinary
2. Hard to eat while holding a wine glass
3. Confusing signage so you didn’t know which restaurant table you were at
4. It’s weird to have Bacardi girls there pushing pineapple-infused rum drinks on attendees (not that M.Giant and I didn’t have multiple cups…)
5. It’s weird to have Memorial Blood Centers drawing blood in the middle of the people eating food

www.twincitiesoriginals.com

Ras Restaurant & Lounge – St. Paul, MN

D.Rough and I have wanted to eat at Ras for a number of months and we finally had a free night to go. It’s on west 7th in St. Paul very close to the airport. This also means that ALL of the cabbies for the airport hang out here at the bar. Think about that, friends. All of your cab drivers are well lubricated before driving you home from your vacation and business trips. It also means the parking lot behind the restaurant is always full of cars and it’s kind of a maze to figure out.

We went inside and were both amazed at how spacious the place is. It doesn’t look like it from the outside, but it’s pretty expansive AND they have a party room in the basement for banquets and large gatherings. We grabbed a booth towards the back of the building and the waitress brought us menus right away. We had already looked at the menu online, so we had a general idea what we wanted. We checked it out though, just to be on the safe side.

The waitress asked for our drink order and we had read signs that said beer was REALLY cheap here. I repeat – cheap beer here. After some confusion on what they actually had on tap, D.Rough ordered herself a Newcastle and I scored a Capn n Coke. The place has a half-bar-half-restaurant feel to it, but people in the booths were drinking and people at the bar were eating food off of giant platters – so it all works out.

D.Rough and I were both starving and had really been craving Ethiopian food for a few weeks, so we went large on this order. We initially had thought we wanted a veggie combo, but it just didn’t seem like enough food. So we got a little crazy and ordered the Ras Special Combination. This is basically everything on the menu. We’re not joking. It says on the menu that it serves three people. The waitress seemed a little confused by our order, especially when she asked “only one?” We weren’t sure whether she was having fun with us or just didn’t hear us right, so we pointed to it on the menu. We were about 80% sure we were going to get what we wanted.

Then we turned our attention to the nipple-themed table cloth. Seriously, it looked and felt like an entire sheet of pleather had sprouted male nipples and been thrown onto the table. Really hilarious. In fact, here’s a photo, just to give you some idea of what it is like – the photo won’t do it justice though…

The waitress arrived with our food. It was on a small sizzling cast iron skillet which she poured onto our injera bread on the platter. It looked delicious. I waited for the rest of it, but the waitress had walked away. D.Rough said this wasn’t what we ordered, but I suggested maybe it came out in shifts. This turned out to NOT be the case. The manager came around to our table and checked to make sure everything was alright. We said we thought we got the wrong thing – we ordered the Ras Special Combo? The manager said in an incredulous voice, “The BIG one?” Yup. That’s the one. She smiled at us and said she’d take care of everything. She had a quick conference with the waitress – we SINCERELY hope she didn’t get in trouble for this, it wasn’t a big deal – and sent the waitress back to the back with the incorrect order. Then she thought about it and called her back. She took the incorrect dish out of the girl’s hands and put it on our table. She then happily told us to go ahead and start with this since it was already cooked. I said, “it’s an appetizer!” and she laughed along with us.

[Note: The manager’s name is Zee – she could be the owner, in fact. Zee is absolutely fabulous. She has amazing clothes, amazing sunglasses, and there is an air about her that is unmistakably “The Boss”. In all the right ways. She made sure we were well taken care of and after the dinner introduced herself and asked us if this was the first time we’d been there. She said she hopes to see us again soon. She absolutely WILL, by the way. She’s a great host!]

We made sure to convey we weren’t at all mad about the mix-up in the ordering. We’re pretty patient people and don’t get all bent out of shape about these kinds of things. We had nothing but time and we HAD to have Ethiopian food. So it appeared what D.Rough and I had on our table was the Ras Special, as opposed to the Ras Special Combo. We dug into this platter of food. It was a generous-sized plate of onions, tomatoes, and pieces of beef. Pay attention to the size of the platter by looking at the perspective against D.Rough’s arm. It’s a serious platter of food. It sounds simple, but whatever the beef was cooked in was delicious, especially with the red spicy dipping sauce on the side. For those of you unfamiliar with Ethiopian food, you eat it with injera bread – which is sort of like a delicious crepe – and scoop up the food instead of using silverware. The flavors of this entire thing were crazy good. We ate about 75% of this dish before we realized we still had food for three people coming very soon. We forced ourselves to slow down and eventually stopped. The waitress came out and took what was left of our platter away (which we were a little bummed about, but only momentarily). I then realized it was to make room for the enormous platter that was on its way out.

When I say enormous, I mean it. Titanic might be a better word. The platter covered the entire table. The entire table.

Remember when I said it has the entire menu on it. I wasn’t joking. I will tell you everything that’s on this platter, even though it won’t mean much to you unless you know Ethiopian food names.
Beef Keye Wot, Beef Alicha Wot, Minchet Abish, Lamb Keye Wot, Lamb Alicha Wot, Lamb Alicha Fitfit, Doro Wot, Chicken, homemade cottage cheese, a cabbage and carrot salad, and the entire veggie combination (spicy split lentil and yellow peas, Misir Alicha, Shiro, Gomen, Misir Keye, and some other things). I TOLD you it was serious.

The entire thing was served on a whole bunch of injera. Some Ethiopian places give you a basket of injera to pull apart and use and some places just have you eating away at your plate as you progress across your platter. This was one of the latter.

We attacked this thing. We weren’t exactly sure what each thing was, but it didn’t take long to figure out which were our favorites. There was a delicious piece of berbere chicken in the middle of the platter with some sauce and also a harboiled egg. Amazing. I’m a fan of the spicy yellow peas and lentils. D.Rough is a fan of various indeterminate meats. We ate and ate and ate and ate and it was like nothing actually disappeared. Keep in mind we had just eaten a large entrée as an appetizer less than 5 minutes before the giant platter came out. Here’s a photo of what it looked like when we threw in the towel and gave up. It looks like we didn’t do much damage.

I think I knew what two of the 14 things were. Fortunately, every time we eat Ethiopian food, we have amazing luck and haven’t actually found anything we DON’T like. Yes, it all appears to be different colored mush, but it all tastes different. The food here is amazing. There were a couple of things that had a couple of bones which we put aside on the platter, and just a very small portion of stringy meat, but overall, this food was top-notch Ethiopian cuisine and we would recommend it highly. In fact, we went to a party after eating dinner and raved about the food – hopefully, we’ll drum up some more business for Zee.

After we had given up, the waitress came over with a large Styrofoam to-go container. I’ve actually never seen a to-go container that large before. It’s hard to tell how big it is in the photo, but it’s pretty major. The waitress had D.Rough help her hold the giant platter (it’s made of metal so it isn’t light at all) while she deftly folded the leftover injera with the food contained inside and slid it off into the to-go container. It barely closed and D.Rough estimated the thing weighed EASILY more than 5 pounds. I’m going to agree, since I had to carry it to the car using two hands.

We also noticed a large empty portable buffet in the back corner of the restaurant, so we are wondering if this place has a lunch-time buffet. I hope beyond all hope that this is true. That could be the best idea ever. I’m going to ask the next time D.Rough and I go there. This could be a game-changer, people.

Overall, fantastic dining experience. The service was just a tiny bit slow but we did have some minor complications, so it wasn’t a problem. The food absolutely made up for it and they also made sure we were taken care of. The waitresses worked our table in various shifts and the bartender even helped us out with some drinks when he walked past our table. D.Rough and I will be back. In fact, I’m trying to find a reason to throw a party so we can go hang out in the basement party room and fill our friends with platters full of amazing Ethiopian food. Go and eat at Zee’s restaurant – you’ll be glad you did.

Top 5 things about Ras Restaurant & Lounge
1. Enormous platter of food (Ras Special Combo) you get to eat with your fingers!
2. The staff makes sure you’re well taken care of – especially Zee
3. Ras Special
4. VERY cheap drinks (and FOOD, for that matter)
5. Great descriptions on the menu so you know what you’re ordering

Bottom 5 things
1. Slow on bringing the check after the meal
2. Order misunderstanding – which was taken care of immediately!
3. The parking lot is kind of a Willy Wonka-style hodge-podge
4. Not in a fantastic part of town, but don’t be scared – no one will attack you
5. I don’t have any business trips planned and yet I’m trying to figure out a way I can get a cab ride to Ras after arriving back at MSP before I go home

www.rasethiopian.com

Denny’s Super Mega Slamwich of Doom – Bloomington, MN

Since I saw the first advertisement for Denny’s new Fried Cheese Sandwich, I knew I’d be getting one. In fact, Rocky and I have been talking about going together to eat this thing. We finally had to set an actual date to go to our local Denny’s and sent out an open invite to have people join us on this quest of ours. Only one brave soul was up for the challenge – our good friend FullMetalJustin. After going to IHoP mistakenly, he met us at the designated Denny’s and we headed inside to take down the cheesemeister meistercheeser (come on, please tell me you get that reference…) (am I really that old?) (Belcher? Coach? Bueler? Anyone?)

For those that don’t know about the Fried Cheese sandwich, it’s the Russian Babushka Doll of Wisconsin – meaning, it’s cheese inside cheese, wrapped in cheese, and then more cheese. It’s a cheese sandwich on sourdough bread with deep fried mozzarella cheese sticks on it covered with cheese, and then you pan fry the whole sandwich like a grilled cheese. Sounds scrumptious, doesn’t it?

When we got inside and seated, we looked high and low for this thing on the menu and found nothing resembling our cheese monstrosity. Agitated and worried, we asked the waitress if they still had it – “They took that off our menu a while back. We don’t have the 2-4-6-8 menu items any more. Some of the other Denny’s still have it, though.” WHAT!?!?! We asked the lady if the cooks could make it or assemble it, if we ordered the things separately. She said no, the cooks wouldn’t do it.

It was a tough decision whether to leave and drive to another Denny’s or to simply walk across the aisle and sit in the bar (did I mention this Denny’s has a full bar drinking lounge?). We decided as a group that we could do better than the stupid menu item and we’d order our own piles of greasy food and assemble our own artery-clogging culinary abominations. So we did.

Rocky ordered half an appetizer sampler, a grilled cheese sandwich, and a cherry coke. FullMetalJustin and I were going big (because we certainly weren’t going home). We ordered the Grand Slamwich and an order of cheese sticks – EACH. I knew that wouldn’t be enough, so I got a strawberry shake. Rocky said to the waitress, “I think you see where we’re going with this…” And I chimed in “…to the HOSPITAL!!!”


We talked all sorts of metal. Rocky can talk for hours about metal music and I can listen for hours about metal music. We make a good team. FullMetalJustin (if you couldn’t tell by his name) is also a major fan of metal, so there weren’t any awkward silences – just metal. We also heard FullMetalJustin talk about his recent all-you-can-eat sushi conquests. Rocky has been running marathons recently – yeah, real marathons – so he doesn’t get to destroy his insides like he used to. I was worried he’d pass on this Denny’s adventure, but I was glad he was here talking metal with us.

The food came out and we got to work. Rocky’s assembly was a little easier than FullMetalJustin and I’s. Rocky’s sandwich was pretty true to the menu item. It was missing a cheese stick or two, but overall, he had the concept down and was going to make it happen. In fact, he DID make it happen, and ate the fries too!

The waitress had the cooks make all our sandwiches open faced, since she knew what we were up to. Kudos to you, waitress-who-will-remain-unnamed-but-if-corporate-could-get-her-some-more-hours-she-would-be-thrilled!

When seeing what FullMetalJustin and I were about to eat pre-assembled, it was a little scarier than I thought it would be.

Grand Slamwich with hashbrowns – Big. Full order of mozzarella cheese sticks with marinara – Big. The Grand Slamwich itself is an omelet with sausage and bacon inside, a layer of ham, mayo, American cheese, and maple spice spread on grilled potato bread. So then, you take as many cheese sticks as would fit – FullMetalJustin and I both got five onto our sandwiches – throw on the hasbrowns, …

…cover with marinara, …

…then re-top with the other slice of bread.

Here we see FullMetalJustin powering through the initial bites of this amazing sandwich. He actually had a layer that I didn’t have on mine – strawberry jelly – he needed more lubrication to make sure this thing didn’t get lodged in his throat. … which it DID, in fact. We were all laughing so hard when he started eating, and he sucked a bite into his lung and started coughing uncontrollably while laughing. We thought it might be a good idea to determine where the nearest hospitals were and also if Denny’s had a defibrillator – which they do, thankfully. I’m glad FullMetalJustin pulled through, though.

I think we’ll start calling this the Super Mega Slamwich of Doom. This is a gut bomb. On 82 different levels. Rocky suggested the best way to eat these kinds of monstrous sandwiches is to eat fast and by the time your stomach figures out what is happening, you’re already done with the sandwich. FullMetalJustin took this advice as gospel and absolutely destroyed this sandwich. He was already two bites into his before I even picked my sandwich up. Then, when I looked up again after two bites of my own, FullMetalJustin’s Super Mega Slamwich of Doom was gone. Rocky seriously asked, “where did your sandwich go?” and FullMetalJustin, through a mouthful of gooey cheese and bread, said, “I ate it.” The guy is an insane eater. I wouldn’t challenge him if I expected to live. He’s an eating machine. FullMetalJustin, you are the champion of Denny’s – without question.


I paced myself on my own sandwich. I took down one row of cheese sticks at a time and finished mine. I still had a pile of hashbrowns left on my plate that had fallen out, but I knew I had to eat them. Besides, neither of the two guys I was with would let me leave any food on the plate and say I actually completed the challenge. So I threw some ketchup all over the remnants of the potatoes and cleaned up the whole thing. I also wolfed down the cheese sticks since those certainly can’t go to waste.

I’m not a subscriber to the “trick your stomach” rule of speed-eating, but I still managed to eat the whole thing. Yeah, I was stuffed. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have gotten a strawberry shake as well. Yeah, I felt like I was going to die when I got home and couldn’t sit comfortably. Yeah, my shirt still smells like cheese-fried-greasy-cheese. Yeah, I made the mistake of looking up how many calories I consumed in less than 20 minutes.

Standard Grand Slamwich – 1,310 calories
Hashbrowns – 210 calories
Full order of cheese sticks - 560
Strawberry shake – 560 calories
Grand Total – 2,640 calories

And yeah, I will be hitting the treadmill in a serious way after that meal… well… the next day, when I can actually move.

The sandwich was just ok. It was a little dry, but maybe the strawberry jelly made up for it on FullMetalJustin's sandwich. I think I would have preferred the Grand Slamburger instead of the Slamwich, if I were to do it again. I think juicy beef would have been better than a dry omelet and the hashbrowns would have already arrived on the burger. It might have just been more difficult to get cheesesticks onto. I think the ratios of bread to cheese in our constructed sandwiches were a little off - it might be better if that were corrected, but this was our first time. I think the wow factor in this case is better than the flavor factor. This sandwich probably isn't going to be on the Denny's corporate menu anytime soon (especially at the Denny's WE went to).

Overall, we had a great time talking horrific food and metal all night. I’m glad FullMetalJustin showed up (I think he had already eaten dinner, but still managed to choke this thing down at a record-breaking pace). And I’m glad Rocky and I can cross this one off our list. I don’t think there’s any reason to go back and get the “actual one” – the ones we ate were far more grotesque than the one on the 2-4-6-8 menu. (However, we got word that Rita would like to partake in the challenge, so maybe we’ll hit up a Denny’s that does have the Fried Cheese Sandwich with Rita and Rocky and I’ll call it a light snack.)

www.dennys.com

I think I just set a new record: I used the word "cheese" 28 times in this one review (now 29). Sorry, lactose intollerant people...

Fasika – St. Paul, MN

Whenever D.Rough and I can’t decide on what we’re hungry for, we end up having the most amazing meals. We went back and forth for a while trying to sort out what we didn’t want and got it narrowed down to Ethiopian food. I have only eaten Ethiopian food a couple of times in the past, thanks to FunHater, and each of those times was at the same restaurant in Milwaukee. But I’ve always had amazing food at that place, so I was definitely up for eating more. There was one place that D.Rough had been that she swore up and down was the best – I am discovering that I should listen to her when she recommends places. We went to Fasika.

The restaurant was full when we got there. The hostess/server suggested we sit at the bar and wait for a table to open up. We did so and watched some of the food come out of the kitchen ad tried to decide what to eat ourselves. The menu is pretty substantial, but very similar to what I was used to at my previous Ethiopian restaurant. D.Rough asked for a beer menu to see what they had that would go with Ethiopian fare – she decided on a beer from Ethiopia called Harar (which we laughed ourselves stupid saying over and over again in different voices).

Once a table opened up, we took our drinks and menus to the table the lady offered us. I told D.Rough what FunHater told me – order a vegetarian combo and then a meat dish for both people to share. She checked out the veggie combo and gave it the thumbs up and we decided on a non-dry beef (meaning something in a sauce and not jerky-style beef) – we got Beef Tibs. The vegetarian combo platter comes with all 7 vegetarian options, so we knew we’d be good on that.

The food came out pretty quickly – I’m guessing because it is various states of mush assembled on a giant platter. Ethiopian food is more of a solid mush than Indian food mush, since it must sit in a polite pile on the injira and not mingle with its fellow veggie friends next to it. For those of you not familiar with Ethiopian food, you are given a giant platter with injira on it (injira is a cross between bread and a crepe). The food is placed on the injira and then you are given additional injira to eat your piles of food with, rather than a fork. So you eat with your fingers – it’s great fun, honestly.


I’ll start with the beef tibs – the pieces of meat were very tender and delicious. The sauce had a little zing to it, but it was more seasoned than spicy. There were onions, tomatoes, garlic, lots of rosemary, and jalapenos in the sauce as well, so that’s where the zing comes from I’m guessing. Don't let the size of the plate fool you - these are large platters, not plates. The beef tibs were served with a small salad. When I was with FunHater in Milwaukee, we got a salad that had tomatoes, lettuce, and jalapenos – I loved it. This salad looked innocent enough until I started to feel some heat sneaking up on me. Oh, those green peppers weren’t bell peppers, they were jalapenos after all. Whoops, my mistake. Still an excellent and simple spicy salad.

The vegetarian combo platter should not scare carnivores away. I say this only because FunHater forced me to get it the first time and told me if I hated it, he’d buy me a meat dish. It is REALLY substantial as well, so don’t think it’s light fare at ALL. It comes with all seven vegetarian options on the menu. Here they are in order of how awesome I personally think they are:

- Misir Key Wot – Lentils cooked in Berbere sauce (spicy and delicious – the menu doesn’t lie) (Berbere is a spicy garlic, pepper, and onion dried spice used in meat and veggie dishes – it’s awesome)
- Shiro Wot – Spiced chickpea flour cooked in berbere sauce (also spicy and delicious)
- Atkilt – Vegetable stew (but still solid – weird) with carrots, potatoes, cabbage, peppers, and onions
- Kik Alicha Wot – Split peas (D.Rough didn’t believe me) cooked with curry and spices
- Misir Alicha – Lentils cooked with curry and spices
- Fosolia – Green beans and carrots cooked with curry and spices
- Gomen – Greens cooked how Ethiopians like ‘em

I won’t go into too much detail for each of these, but seriously, I ate (and pretty much cleaned up the platter after D.Rough got full) every single one of these things. Even though I put the greens down lower on the list, they were delicious. There were also some pickled beets on the platter, but for some reason, I can’t find a description of them, so they may have been put there by accident. I liked them, but D.Rough isn’t really a beet person, so I got them all. Ethiopian food isn’t spicy, but it makes your mouth warm. It’s not light and fluffy food, it’s rib-sticking heavy duty food that occasionally reminds me of southern home-style cooking.

We finished about 96.4% of our food on our platters. I had to, otherwise the staff will shame you into eating by saying there are starving kids in Ethiopia that would love to eat as much as you just did. And we weren’t uncomfortable full, either, like we have done to ourselves in the past – just right at the line of completely full. In fact, we DID manage to go get ice cream afterwards at the grand Old Creamery, so maybe we were 95% full – there’s always room for ice cream, right?

We plan to go back to Fasika very soon. We’ve got some friends that need to eat here, and if we have more people, we can order more things, right? There are a couple of combination platters to choose from, but I have a feeling we’ll do the vegetarian platter again and maybe some other kind of meat. That clearly is the way to go. In fact, while we were eating ours, the table next to us asked us what we got and then ordered the exact same thing as us. We’re trailblazers, I suppose!!!

Top 5 things about Fasika
1. Misir Key Wot – Lentils
2. Shiro Wot – Spiced chickpea flour
3. Beef Tibs
4. Great descriptions of things on the menu – thank you, Fasika!
5. D.Rough will say the Harar beer

Bottom 5 things
1. Surprise, those bell peppers are really jalapeno peppers!
2. The place gets crowded on a Friday night – dur, it’s awesome food!
3. Sometimes, you forget how much food you’re eating when it’s in platter form and you’re using your fingers
4. I’m positive I would butcher a number of the names of dishes here. That’s the added benefit of ordering a combination
5. Eating from a giant platter at the small bar looked tough for one couple we saw – get a table

www.fasika.com