My good friend HotGirlsBrother has been talking for years about this kickball league he’s in. I always wanted to go, but had other things going on. When I finally got a free night, I decided I would show up, since it sounded like they had a lot of fun and very few people were actually competitive.
I showed up at the field they reserve with a couple of G2 bottles (orange ones). However, that may or may not have been what was in the bottles and I might have mixed the orange colored drinks a tad strong. Everyone may or may not have been drinking beers and Joose (liquor/energy drink)(which defeats the purpose of both)(but they’re really strong)(and they taste like cardboard)(but that didn’t stop me from “borrowing” some extras they had), and commented on what a nerd I was for drinking Gatorade. There were 26 people that showed up to play with a small crowd of regular spectators, some of whom were much MORE athletic than I.
I haven’t played kickball in 20+ years, nor do I know the rules of kickball nor baseball, couple that with me being scared of the ball, and you’ve got a winning combination. Oh yeah, throw in some orange fruity drinks and things get interesting. We picked player school-yard style, then when the numbers get lower, the remainders pick their own teams so no one is the last one picked. My team name was Overblow and the opposing team was something insanely too long, but started with “Ribbed for her pleasure.”
First off, I got yelled at for bunting – which means I took a full swing at the ball and just barely skimmed the top accidentally (or was it?...) and it went about 4 feet. Whatever, I got my base, didn’t I? ha ha. We had tons of people on our team, so I only had to play in the field for two innings – one of which I made a brilliant play and the drunk hi-fives came out in force.
I believe our team won 4-2, which was nice. But I don’t think anyone really cared. It was really not competitive, though that didn’t stop the smack-talking on the field (myself included). You don’t have to be a good player to play dirty.
I piled in a car with three new lady friends and we headed to the Country Bar after the game for some drinks, dinner, and karaoke. I knew I was going to have to drive home at some point, so I stuck with soda for the rest of the night. I went with nachos and cheese curds (not together) which were surprisingly good. The curds were deep fried and seasoned with some really spicy magic dust (it was dark – I had no idea what color the dust was, nor its origin). The nachos were pretty good, though, it could have been the aforementioned orange-colored drinks talking.
All kinds of bad (meaning hilarious and subsequently good) karaoke happened, but thankfully not from me. I would have had to re-start drinking for that to happen. Maybe next week. Random girl grabbed my arm and started talking to me with her toady friend (I mean lackey, not frog-like), trying to get me to sing. They seemed a little weirded out that I only sing songs not intended for the male voice – Wilson Philips, BeeGees, Salt N Pepa, Aqua, etc. I didn’t stick around to see them sing Steppenwolf, sadly. I left shortly after she used the word “motorboat.”
The rest of the kickball photos are here: www.anthrofuge.com/Kickball_06032009
And El Jefe posted his review and video on his own blog which is much funnier because his parents probably don't read his - ha ha ha. Find it here: mustacherobots.wordpress.com/2009/06/04/uptown-kickball-game-2-joose/
I won’t go into detail how bad I hurt today.
Top 5 things about kickball
1. All of these people are awesome
2. Very few people are competitive, even if they’re really good at it
3. Sporting events and imbibing go hand in hand
4. Despite my fear of balls (twss), I actually made a play worthy of hi-fives
5. The Country Bar is a good (or bad) way to finish any evening
Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd would not have played, but she would have loved being there cheering loudly
2. The people holding drinks and catching AND throwing the ball made it look much easier than it is – they must be veterans
3. I should learn the rules
4. My legs hate me today and are being quite insistent about it
5. Special Edition Orange G2 drinks will be more carefully mixed next week