I had some good friends who were getting married this weekend in Oshkosh, Wisconsin, so it was road trip time. M.Giant expressed some interest in going along for the ride, since he has a friend in Green Bay that he needed to visit. Sounded like a winning plan from the start. I’ll try to make this brief but factual…
We hit the road Friday after work and drove straight across the great state of Wisconsin. It wasn’t interstate driving, but it was pretty close. We drove to my friend Coach’s cousin Peaches’ house in Kohler (yes, home of the place that makes faucets and such – Kohler is, not Peaches’ house). She stayed up way past her bed time to let us in, but she was overjoyed to see us and to meet M.Giant. We hob-nobbed for a bit and crashed on a couch and an air mattress.
Peaches has a husband, two kids, and a dog, so no one sleeping in the living room was going to be sleeping late in the living room. Besides the kids were beyond excited because it was rummage sale day in Kohler. After Peaches made us an awesome breakfast casserole, we walked the neighborhoods for a bit, looking for nothing in particular (which is what we came home with). We got back in time to get ready for the wedding. The two of us hopped back in the car and drove an hour to Oshkosh to attend the wedding.
I might have misread the wedding invite (and probably did), but M.Giant and I might have been the only non-family at the wedding. Either way, the bride and groom (mostly the bride) were happy to see me (and subsequently meet M.Giant). However, the trade off was that we would both go to the wedding (where M.Giant didn’t know anyone) and I would go to Green Bay and meet his friend Weet (whom I didn’t know). I felt awful skipping out on the reception part, but it didn’t start until 6pm and the wedding got over at 1:20 (it started at 1:05). We would have to kill about 5 hours in Oshkosh WI to make it to the reception. Weet had her own rummage sale to handle until 4pm, so M.Giant and I decided to catch a Saturday Matinee.
Unfortunately, we saw Drag Me to Hell. I won’t go into how awful this movie was, but you can check out my review of it here, if you really want to. We left the theater and met Weet and her husband Esteban at an Italian restaurant called Caffe Mario. I reviewed it separately since it was that good. After dinner, we headed to what would be the highlight of the trip – the Sardine Can, also known as the Bad Bar – because bad things happen there.
The Sardine Can gets its name from their slogan “where it’s always packed” simply due to the fact they have a moveable wall that they can make the room more narrow if the crowd is slim – which it wasn’t. Seriously, the wall is on some sort of horizontal scissor mechanism and can be moved 8-10 feet to move the wall closer to the bar. Stupidest idea ever. They also have a cabana area outside where you can sit in swings at the bar. Hilarious place.
We had a LOT of drinks. Weet and M.Giant have this game they play where the first person to name the song on the jukebox forces everyone else at the table to drink. Unless some obscure nordic Viking black metal band mistakenly got played, I wasn’t going to EVER win this game. And I didn’t, so I just kept drinking. Apparently, my camera phone matches my vision fuzziness as I drink more – I hope I’m not paying extra for that feature.
Things got nice and rowdy when they started the vibrator races. They bring out this sloped wooden plank with three lanes and they put vibrators at the top and let them vibrate to the end. You can bet on the races and if your vibrator wins, you get a free shot or something. It’s waaay out of control.
After a couple of drinks, I’m Mr. Social-guy. After more than a couple of drinks, I’m also Sir Pees-A-Lot. After double digit drinks, I’m yadysagf lavflswv-eefsssd and M.Giant has to drive us home to Kohler – an hour drive.
I can't rotate this photo for some reason, but looking back, maybe I really was upside down at some point. It's difficult to tell...
We roll in after 2am and shortly thereafter, I’m awoken by a two-year-old and a three-year-old launching my corpse into the air by jumping up and down on my air mattress. There’s no snooze button for the alarm clock of youngsters (not without going to jail). Besides, Shelby the wonderdog is a snuggler and takes up more space than I do on the air mattress. Again, Peaches made breakfast for us – hundreds of waffles and bacon. She really does rule, despite what her cousin Coach says about her.
Peaches and family left for church and M.Giant and I hit the road for home. Stopping numerous times for hydration, bathroom stops, switching drivers so the other one could sleep. All in all, we had a fantastic weekend, thanks to a record-setting speed wedding, a terrible movie, awesome dinner with awesome friends, lots of drinks, breakfast with friends and pseudo-family, rummage sale-ing, and far too little sleep.
Top 5 things about the Green Bay Road Trip
1. Meeting awesome new people, Weet and Esteban, Weet’s sister and guy fiend, and a whole bunch of people who are now my new best friends.
2. The Sardine Can
3. Café Mario
4. Speed Wedding
5. M.Giant being awesome and going with me
(6.) We saw a freaking camel hiding amongst a herd of horses – seriously a CAMEL
Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd would have gladly infiltrated Packer Country if she knew how much fun we would have had
2. Lack of sleep
3. I feel like a jerk for skipping the wedding reception
4. I never thought I’d actually wish I lived closer to Green Bay – ha ha ha
5. My windshield now looks like I drove through a swarm of hamburgers after hitting trillions of insects in Wisconsin