China Wok – Eden Prairie, MN

Always on the search for new and exciting Chinese food restaurants, I came across this place while using Google for lunch recommendations. It’s in a strip mall near some other restaurants I’ve eaten in. I’d been near it, but had never been inside. Today was the day.

I walked in and saw the standard issue Chinese menu on the counter, as well as the standard issue photos of Chinese entrees on the board above the ordering counter. There were six tables in the place, and three of them were already taken. I was in the mood for some General Tso’s Chicken, and thankfully (like most cookie cutter Chinese food menus), it was on the lunch special list. Fortunately, it was really inexpensive, since I opted for a glass of water.

While waiting, I got to listen to some 40-year-old asshat wasting his life away in sweatpants watching YouTube videos on his laptop while loudly tapping his feet and hands and humming whatever he was listening to. All the while, he was clearing his throat and hocking up what must have been gallons of phlegm. Really? On my lunch break? On MY lunch break? Isn’t that your mom calling you for dinner? Moron.

The food came out fairly quickly and looked like it does on the menu board photo.

It was fine. The chicken wasn’t stringy and was fully cooked. The sauce had a little heat to it, but was pretty boring, otherwise. Not much to rave about with this dish, but it was good. It served its purpose.

I’m trying to figure out who is making all the money for this kind of operation. Who developed the standard-issue Chinese restaurant menu that you see in so many places? Who prints millions of menus each year and simply has the restaurant owner stamp the name of his particular place on the front and call it customized? Who trains all of these chefs to cook the exact same cookie cutter meals with McDonald’s-like consistency without fail? I’m guessing it’s the same operation that cranks out thousands of Peruvian flute quartets who fill every mall and sell Peruvian flute music by the ton. I wish I were that head guy in charge of mass production of white-people-friendly “culture”.

The food is fine. I probably won’t be back, though.