Orphan Thanksgiving – Minneapolis, MN

This year, Gerd and I were unable to go back to Illinois for thanksgiving, on account of having to work the Friday after the holiday. Instead, we were invited to “Orphan Thanksgiving” at M. and Trash Giant’s house along with other orphans. What we were supposed to bring changed like 12 times, but we eventually knew what we were supposed to bring.

We intended to hang out with the Giants the previous evening and then go home and make our food for reheating the next morning. Instead, we got involved in an epic battle of Rockband for the Wii for multiple hours and got home closer to 11pm. This was also when I found out we had to be back at the Giant’s house at 11am. Not sure why I was thinking in the 5pm range, but apparently that was faulty thinking on my part.

So at the crack of dawn, we set out making the cheesey potatoes (double batch as requested by Trash) and corn casserole for the lunch-ish thanksgiving meal. Actually, I slept until about 9, and then made my corn casserole – ha ha ha. Our kitchen now looks like something with batter innards blew up in it, but whatever, we made brilliant cheese-infused food for many people to enjoy.

Before lunch/dinner, I kept mis-hearing the word "corn" and hearing "porn" instead. Subsequently, I was required to run interference with M. Edium in the den. We colored space shuttles (I haven’t colored in over 25 years), and then cut them out (my cutting skills still rule – it’s like riding a bike). Then we built launch pads for said rockets out of blocks. Then we built a wall to the den, which Bitter’s boyfriend knocked over like Godzilla, much to M. Edium’s chagrin. Who knew kids that young even had chagrin?!

Eventually, we had a great time eating copious amounts of food, including an awesome turkey made by a recently-converted former-vegetarian. We all sat around the table, except for trash who sat by herself (apparently on time-out) at the bar/island. It was an awesome time. Everyone spoke plain English (a rarity when your family comes from Alabama like mine), only one roll was thrown (nice shot, Bitter), and I didn’t take my pants off because I ate too much – all in all, a winner of a holiday for everyone.

We then retired to the basement for some follow-up Wii action. A LOT of Wii action, including Rockband, and two pointless games – Cooking Mama and Order Up. Both cooking games. Both steeped in moronitude. Then when Bitter’s boyfriend returned we watched Noah’s Ark with John Voight. It’s the worst movie ever made, and Trash forces MANY people to watch it. (So you know, the writers of the movie took “poetic license” with the Bible – clearly, they’ll burn in some sort of fabricated CGI Hell for so many reasons.) Gerd hadn’t seen it, so she sulked through the entire thing. We tried to make it enjoyable for her, but she wasn’t having it.

We ended up going home quite late which kind of bit since we had to work the next day. But alas, we survived and came home with hilarious stories.

Top 5 things about Orphan Thanksgiving
1. Best hosts and friends EVER
2. Watching Trash’s face when she touched turkey (she’s a vegetarian)
3. First Thanksgiving in 30 years I wasn’t forced to watch football
4. First Thanksgiving in 15 years I wasn’t required to be at multiple houses and eat full meals at each one
5. Hearing people wax poetic about their usual distaste for southern Californian wine but sudden change of heart

Bottom 5 things
1. I did miss my family, and I KNOW Gerd did as well
2. There wasn’t a “bad kids” table – where I usually sit
3. The Halloween candy bucket was severely depleted…
4. Bitter had to go to work that afternoon, so she had to leave early
5. Ate too much, as usual