Burger Rings – Mordor, New Zealand

First off, I have to give a big shout out to MommasBoy for smuggling back a bag of chips back into the US for me. He and his lady spent some time checking out New Zealand and Australia recently, and I'm the only person for whom he brought back souvenirs. That's love, people. He knows I love food, especially weird food, and when he found these packaged freak-shows, he knew I needed to try them.


I don’t know the story behind this brand of chips/crisps, but I don’t really care, either. I care that they’re sitting in front of me in all their ringed glory and making the napkin they’re sitting on completely see-through. THAT means they’re going to be good.

I’ve had some things that were burger-flavored before (mainly hamburgers), but nothing that touted the claim “FULL ON BURGER FLAVOUR”, complete with the British spelling. It’s going to be difficult to describe these crisps, but I think I’ve stumbled upon something that may Americans will be able to use as a comparison: Funyuns. The world’s worst culinary invention EVER that is strangely delicious. In case you’ve been living in a box for your entire life, Funyuns are onion-flavored puffed corn chips. Yeah, I said onion-flavored. Why are they so delicious? I have no idea. If someone offered you an onion milkshake, you’d probably laugh them out of the room, but for some reason, in crispy puffy corn format, they’re amazing. (Also, my father banned them from all cross-country road-trip family vacations since they smell so potent.)

So now, picture Funyun texture and crunch, but sprinkle meat flavor on them. That’s what Burger Rings are. Not cheese burger – there’s not actually any cheese flavor (or flavour, in this case). Just burger flavor. Meat. Freaky.

And, like their vegetarian counterpart, Burger Rings are wildly addictive. Apparently, MommasBoy devoured an entire family size bag of Burger Rings and then when his innards tried to claw their way out of his body, he regretted it. However, in normal human portioning-land, these are a pretty good snack. Not amazing, by any stretch. But good. It takes a couple rings before the full meat flavor sinks in, but it’s worth the wait. You’ll be glad you tried them. Maybe.

(This is about as non-committal as I get on salty snacks – the verdict is still out on whether I actually liked Burger Rings…)