Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Giant Bread Easter Bunny – Maplewood, MN

D.Rough comes from a long line of amazing cooks. Her mother, in particular (I still haven’t come up with a nickname for her that won’t get me blacklisted from further cooking treats) makes some of the most delicious food ever. I also now realize where D.Rough gets her ability to just “whip things up” out of thin air.

For Easter, D.Rough’s mom always makes an Easter Bunny out of bread and then cuts a hole in his stomach for dip. Then she puts all kinds of veggies around the bunny for people to dip into his creamy guts. Then when you’re done with the veggies, you tear the bunny limb from limb and dip the bread into the veggie dip. It’s all good fun. (And now I’m trying to come up with various themes and animal shapes to make into horrific dipping innards themes for other holidays and bad movie nights – stay tuned…)

Here’s what the Easter Bunny Bread Thing usually looks like.
This year, D.Rough’s mom forgot how much dough to use in her normal Bunny. So she guessed. Whenever D.Rough’s mom guesses, something goes wrong with the laws of physics and things get out of control. And for the record… D.Rough’s mom NEVER errs on the short side of quantity. She has been known to accidentally make a 22-pound lasagna. … Correct that: a 22-pound delicious lasagna.

We think D.Rough’s mom gave it about 50% more dough than it usually takes. This year’s Bread Easter Bunny came out of the oven a Giant Bread Easter Bunny. It exceeded the capacity of the veggie tray. By a LONG shot. It was glorious in all its huge-itude!

There were such comments as:
  • Is that an Easter Bear?
  • Your bunny has elephantitus.
  • It’s the Staypuft Easter Bunny!
  • I want to take a nap on it.
  • The veggies won’t even fit on the tray now!
  • Has anyone seen the Hoth scene from Empire Strikes Back?
  • Does that bunny have a yeast infection?
  • Well, at least we didn’t need a lot of shaved coconut for the fake grass, since it fills the entire tray.

She had forgotten to bake the craisins into the bread for the eyes and the almonds for teeth. So she grabbed some mysterious ingredients (which I later found out were actually common household kitchen items) and She-bang! She “whipped up” some frosting to glue them to the Bread Kodiak. I had no idea frosting didn’t come from birthday elves or from a Betty Crocker bucket, let alone seeing it “whipped up” right before my eyes. It blew my mind.

Since none of the veggies would fit on the tray, D.Rough’s mom decided to “whip up” some fake grass. She had some shaved coconut (which we found out later had seriously cut into D.Rough’s dad’s macaroon treats he has been hoping for for a few weeks now), and some food coloring. Alla-Ka-Bam! And she’s shaking a ziplock bag full of green shaved coconut onto the tray around the bear. How does she do that?! She’s a wizard – don’t let her fool you. She can fabricate anything out of thin air.

The nice thing about a bread bunny the size of a Chevy is that no one goes hungry. It also helps that the bread actually turned out delicious, light, and fluffy. I commented that I wished I had some brats, so I could tear the bunny’s arms and legs off and use them as buns. Maybe we would have needed Kielbasa instead of brats, now that I think about it.

All in all, I’d say this Bunny was a complete success. A GIGANTIC success, in fact. No one went home from Easter hungry.

I’m now going to refer to this annual tradition as the Super Colossal Yeaster Bunny.


lee said...

i've been invited by some pagans to celebrate spring on the next full moon. i'm going to have to bring "eat of my guts, they are delicious" yeaster bunny. would it be okay if i gave him genitalia made out of 2 cherry tomatoes and a baby carrot?

Chao said...

Excellent idea, Lee. Feel free! I heard the yeast makes it rise...