Bad Movie Night – Coal Valley, IL

I tricked a couple of Gerd and I’s friends, ImposterChao and Nutmeg, into hosting bad movie night in the Quad Cities on a weekend I would be home. It’s usually a potluck, so they just had to provide a cool space for us and people would bring food. Bad movie night is where a group of us sits around and watches a couple of B-movies and loudly laugh, mock, and yell along with when ridiculous things happen. We’ve done quite a number of these and always have a great time. We usually have a bigger crowd, but there was a lot going on in town this weekend so some of our regulars bowed out this time around.

We usually have a theme for the two movies and along with the theme, we ask guests to bring along some food item related to that theme. For example, we had a midget-theme one evening and everyone was asked to bring miniature food items. We had mini corn dogs, mini-bruschetta, tiny filet mignon (wrapped with tiny bacon of course), and all washed down with 8 oz sodas out of Dixie cups.

Tonight’s theme was “blood”, so people were asked to bring red or pink colored food. We had tortellini with marinara (aka blood noodles) from Grinders in Moline, IL. Party punch from my mother (to which we added rum)(sorry mom). Pink and red flavored shakes from Whitey’s Ice Cream (the best ice cream in the world). Red velvet cupcakes from our resident baker, SuperGreat. Gheyspanic brought raspberry sherbet and a bottle of vodka to make drinks and got HILARIOUS!!! (We heard about his Jonas Brothers pendant numerous times throughout the night.)

ImposterChao went crazy overboard – he loves to entertain apparently. Three different kinds of cocktail weenie sauces – A&W, Dr. Pepper, and Budweiser – in a fancy three pan heater thing. Then there was a heated nacho plate thing with an area to keep the nacho cheese warm in the center. Huge cheese and cracker plate. Two large crock pots of chili – one spicy and one mild. He just put the word “blood” in front of them to go with the theme. Hey, it’s his house, his rules.

ImposterChao and Nutmeg have an awesome house for entertaining – it’s like Wonderland East, not the least of the reasons being there is a stripper pole installed in the basement. Literally. Apparently, Nutmeg mentioned there was a stripper workout video and before the words were out of her mouth, ImposterChao was on the phone ordering the DVD, shipping a stripper pole and rubber matting for the floor, and calling a friend to help install it within the hour. Sadly, ImposterChao almost lost one of his “boys” when he thought he’d give the thing a spin without watching the video first. Nutmeg was really quite good at the said workout machine, and ImposterChao had placed folding chairs around the pole (I’m dead serious). This is why I love ImposterChao. SuperGreat also gave the pole a spin (twss) and turned out to be quite the prodigy as well. A great applause came from those seated at the folding chairs. I didn’t see any dollar bills exchanged though – probably a good thing. Also ImposterChao has this plaque with boobs on it that he’s VERY proud of. It’s basically one of those singing fish things you hang on the wall, but it’s boobs, so it’s MUCH more mature and funny…. Or is it?



Blood Car was a huge hit except for a few scenes that I forgot to warn people about. I did put out the disclaimer in the e-mail invite about the cruelty to cute furry animals and also the wee bit of blood spewing all over the place, but apparently, I forgot the water sports scene, the fish-shaped oven mitts, and the cruelty to kindergartners scenes – all of which horrified people. My apologies. But it was the best movie of the night. It really was a winner. Lots of places for all of us to yell.

Bikini Bloodbath was not as much of a hit, but it had potential. Really campy acting and gratuitous nudity on women over thirty playing high school girls. The best part is the actors are wearing shirts that say what their part is in the film. Not their name so much, but all of the football players have shirts that say “football player” on them. I still think it’s hilarious, but obviously Blood Car was the winner of the night.I will preview the sequel which I also own - Bikini Bloodbath Carwash. I'm assuming it's equally awesome. It might show up at a Bad Movie Night eventually.

Everyone had a great time. Only one drink was knocked over and that was totally my fault (sorry about that). Only one person needed a ride home – and wow, did he need a ride home (in multiple senses of the phrase). I’ve got another bad movie night scheduled for the Minneapolis area, so I’ll be hosting a bunch of crazy people at my house in august for a similar event.

Top 5 things about Bad Movie Night
1. Blood Car
2. ImposterChao has a STRIPPER POLE INSTALLED IN HIS BASEMENT FOR HIS WIFE!
3. The chili… er, I mean “Blood Chili” ImposterChao made was really good and spicy
4. Mom’s party punch kicked up a notch or four
5. I really needed this entertainment as I had a really rough day (thanks, you guys)

Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd loved Bad Movie Night and all of these people that usually go to it
2. I totally punted Coach’s drink (that’s not code for anything ghey, I actually kicked over his drink)
3. Apparently, Gheyspanic’s glass of vodka with a tiny scoop of raspberry sherbet was undrinkable to anyone except Gheyspanic, who had multiple glasses (and then enjoyed a ride to the bar after the party) (and then enjoyed –not as much- a trip to the ER after falling at said bar)
4. Some of our regulars bailed on us (not mad, I’m just saying you were missed)
5. People were WAAAAY more upset when puppies got shot with a BB gun that they were when kindergarten children were shot execution-style. What is WRONG with you people?!?!