Sunday, July 5, 2009

Fourth of July – Minneapolis, MN

Yes, I’m going to review my Fourth of July. What about it?
Here’s how my day went. I slept later than usual, since I was up until 2am watching Public Enemies with M.Giant (see my review here). I woke up and did some homework like a good responsible second-time graduate student should. I ran to the store to pick up some last minute items for the upcoming dinner party at M. and Trash Giant’s house on Monday. I swung through the liquor store – which apparently is really really busy on a holiday – who would have known? Then I ran home and mixed some hilarious mixed drinks for the various parties I would be attending this day.

I drove to the Giant’s house and we decided we’d be riding together to go to her sister in law’s family’s house in Anoka (which is the Halloween capitol of the world) (I don’t even know what that means). Anoka is clearly near the landbridge between Alaska and Russia, in case you didn’t know. We arrived at the party and watched random kids play while we shoveled handfuls of food into our maws. Burgers and hot dogs and watermelon and cheese curds and vegetables and cookies and ham and pineapple and more burgers and baked beans and more burgers and then more ham and then salad without forks and then more cheese curds and then chips. I got to meet the whole family, and despite the fact I was related to anyone there, they all treated me like family and I had a great time.

Added to this great time were an incredible amount of “that’s what she said” moments by sisters and grandmas alike. I only remembered a couple, but what I wrote down to remind me got posted here: I also got to see Trash’s sister-in-law’s sister’s white crested black cock. They’re funny looking roosters that sometimes get out of the coop, if you know what I’m talking about. Seriously, you know what I’m talking about, right?
However, we stayed a little later than we had expected to. I stayed long enough that I missed the festivities at KingDavid’s July 4th party, which is a bummer. And I will make it up to him somehow. Probably by drinking more of his scotch. I’m a giver like that.

I got home in time to throw some ice in the cooler (along with the pre-made girly drinks) and head over to Erin’s house for the festivities. Smallz and TheDoctor would be there along with a whole bunch of other kickballers to whom I haven’t given blog nicknames. I sat for a bit without drinking just to gauge the level of other people’s drinking. I don’t like to intimidate people by whipping out five or six flasks, especially when the crowd consists of people’s parents, neighbors, and kids. That didn’t last long.

Once the food started being completed on the grill, the party got livelier and louder. I got a good feel for the crowd and, in fact, had a lengthy discussion with the host’s parents about music. They’re long-time musicians and I’m a long time musician and we had a nice chat, wherein they convinced me to drop out of MBA so I can play kickball, and also not to sell any of my musical instruments on eBay as planned. Quite a life-altering conversation. At that point, I had four flasks out on the patio around me, two sips of Smallz really gross Bitter Brewery beer, and a plateful of snacky foods. I’m sure at the time it all made sense. In order, here’s how it played out: 1) I got mocked for bringing flasks; 2) I got mocked when they found out the flasks contained varieties of blue raspberry (thanks FireRetarded), vodka, amaretto, vodka, cherry mcgillacuddy’s, vodka, pineapple juice, vodka, orange soda, vodka, mt. dew, and a splash of vodka (and yes, I’m dead serious); 3) then after the flasks were passed, and people questioned their own sexuality, they conceded the drinks were awesome; 4) continued mocking for the previously mentioned contents.

I thought things were going to wind down, but just then, the sparklers came out. As a long-haired guy, I tend to get a little nervous around fire and sparks. So I lurked the periphery and took some photos of the hilarity of adults wielding sparklers and discussing using them as smores sticks and melting marshmallows from the inside out.

Smallz looks THRILLED to be holding sparklers in each hand and a beer in his cratch.

Erin attempts cold fusion (that’s the only kind of fusion Minnesota has).

Beer and sparklers - a lethal combination...

A bunch of people hopped on bikes and hopped in cars (don’t worry, no one was drunk – we’re pretty careful about that) to go see the fireworks downtown. A couple of people headed for a bar to wait out the fireworks, and I headed home for refills on girly drinks, since I was running low.

I got word that I was supposed to meet back at Smallz’ house before heading back to the party. We watched some E Soup and a couple other hilarious things. Then we mocked Smallz’ man-love for Kevin Costner when we saw the considerable stack of Costner films open and recently-viewed or soon-to-be-viewed dvds. Hilarious. I have no room to talk, so I’ll go easy on you, Smallz.

We headed back to the party house and had some of the most unexpected conversations. I can’t even go into them, or they would ban this site from the Intarwebs. But believe me, they weren’t about the weather. We did our best to completely finish every item of food that was opened and on the table – it’s only polite to not leave the host with open bags of things, right? Sure, whatever. I had finished a subsequent round of various flasks of girly drinks, and thankfully, sat around long enough (and ate enough chips and salsa) talking about inappropriate party conversation things that I was safe to help clean up and drive home.

I ended up taking RainbowBryte home as well, if you know what I’m talking about. And by “home” I mean to his apartment in Northeast where he lives with his super-smart partner. It was like 2am and he had ridden his bike multiple miles to the party house. I’m always up for taking people home, especially environmentally friendly people who don’t mind throwing their bikes in the back of my gas guzzling Japanese SUV on the holiday celebrating how awesome our country is. Plus he and I needed to get our schedules straight (so to speak) for watching “Dance Your Ass Off” and “Pregnant and 16” this coming season. (Right now you’re asking yourself, “is he joking?”)

Top 5 things about July 4th, 2009
1. I need to freeload food from people every weekend
2. White crested black cock could be the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard a person say at a family gathering
3. Mocking, followed by mocking, followed by hesitant approval, followed by mocking (see girly drinks above)
4. Erin’s firepit conversation
5. I love cheese curds

Bottom 5 things
1. This is the first three-day weekend I’ve spent in Minneapolis since I moved here. I miss my family, Gerd’s family, and my Illinois friends
2. I either need to invent larger flasks (maybe I’ll call them thermos-es) or start bringing a flask-belt to hold them all. (Drinking fewer girly drinks is not an option)
3. I’m bummed I missed KingDavid’s shindig
4. As convinced as I was at 8pm about dropping out of school for kickball, I don’t think I am going to do it
5. Feeding Trash my pineapple

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