Those of you who know me (or read this blog regularly) know I have a penchant for the girly drinks. Anything fruity, purple, or with an umbrella is my kind of drink. I get mocked for it all the time, but if I’m going to drink, I don’t want it to taste like urine or hamster bedding – I want it to taste like Hawaiian Punch, so I can drink more of it.
A couple of people have told me I need to try Psycho Suzies, but they never told me why. And now I know. It’s a tiki bar, meaning, the interior is decorated like it’s an island and the drinks come in fun tiki cups with characters on them and it serves drinks with crazy amounts of fruit (and rum) in them. Tiki bars generally serve rum-based drinks and don’t laugh at you if you try to order planter’s punch or pineapple-chambord, like they do at every other bar I go to in the continental United States. This place is the bar I’ve dreamt about.
We grabbed a booth and began to look at the menu. I will say I was sorely disappointed by the lack of coconut-shell bras on the waitresses, but I will let it slide this time. The drink menu was amazing. It’s like they took girly drink formulas out of my head and reformulated them into even more girly drinks and have put them into various tiki-shaped glasses. Brilliant. And they also have multi-person drinks, which I was told I would not be ordering for myself. Rude. But the huge drinks (the 48-60 oz drinks come in giant bowls which are available for purchase. They also have giant volcano-shaped serving … uhh… cups? bowls? vessel? for giant drinks as well. That’s what I’m talking about. Don’t worry, Suzie. I’ll be back.
It was happy hour and since 2009 is the Year of Happy Hour, I needed to celebrate. I settled on a Walking Dead –w hich is basically a zombie in a tiki glass with an umbrella. Wurd. Smallz had been talking up this pulled pork bbq sandwich called the Pontiac (it IS a motor lounge, after all). Apparently Smallz and Driveshaft have discovered these delicacies are just as tasty sober as they are with a BAC of 2.3. I got one of those as well, but instead of fries, I got the tots (second time today for tots – it’s been a good weekend for taters).
The Walking Dead came out and it was decent. Not a stellar zombie, but still the umbrella and the tiki cup moved it up the scale to a standard girly drink. I’ll just say it – not enough rum. Smallz doesn’t look thrilled to be sitting this close to one of the ghey-est drinks on the planet.
Smallz and TheDoctor had ordered some onion rings and they ended up being delicious. Very fat and really battered (say it… like I like my ladies…). I, of course, got mocked for pulling the onions out and eating the fried nothing, but I don’t care. I’ve done it for years and have been mocked by classier people than these guys. I’ll keep right on doing it. (Thanks for loaning me a ring for the review, guys.)
The sammich came out and I was moooo-ey impressed. It came on ciabatta bread and had a handful of French-fried onions strings on top (I can eat those, since it’s too difficult to pull the onions out of those things). Really, the pork was super tender and the sauce was really good and not runny or liquid-smokey. I really liked it and now know why these guys come back here. Apparently, it’s not for the girly drinks. I call LAME.
I’ll seriously come back here anytime. And the next time I come back, someone else is driving and I’ll be drinking 60 ounces of various rums and pineapple juice out of a volcano cup and then telling people what I REALLY think of them. Maybe I should do it on Festivus, so I can do a proper “airing of grievances.”
There, Doctor, did I mention your name enough?!?! Whiner.
Top 5 things about Psycho Suzie’s Motor Lounge and Tiki Garden
1. It’s my dream bar
2. The Pontiac BBQ sammich was stellar
3. How can you NOT think 60 ounces of rum served in a ceramic volcano is a brilliant idea?!?!?!
4. I love that my friends will mock, yet vehemently support my girly drink habit
5. Onion rings were pretty darn good
Bottom 5 things
1. Gerd loved her some girly drinks as well, despite the fact that she was allergic
2. No coconut bras
3. Smallz and TheDoctor are volcano-blockers
4. I could have used more fruit pieces in my drink (and rum)
5. Do people seriously refer to this place by its full name or can I just call it Psycho Suzie’s?