Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Quarry Golf Course – San Antonio, TX

My nephew has been talking about this golf course for a number of months now and has waited for me to come down to San Antonio to play it with him. It’s supposed to be one of the best courses in the country and also one of the more challenging courses. Plus it’s in San Antonio, so basically on the surface of the sun during August and September…

Since Coach’s “golf incident” the last time he played golf in the Twin Cities, he hasn’t had a set of clubs to use (he broke every single one of them). But DeliveryBoy managed to find a couple of sets of clubs for us to use while in town. I used his wife’s clubs and Coach used a friend of his’ clubs.

We got up seriously early. I mean it was still going to be dark for a long time after we got up. DeliveryBoy went and got us McDonald’s for breakfast, after scaring us awake. Then we took off for the course. I’ve never golfed at a place this classy. The course has bag boys that take your clubs when you pulled into the parking lot and got your cart situated with a bag of range balls, scorecard, a paper with the position of every pin on the course, a cooler for your cart, tees, and a towel for your face. They really pamper you at this course.

We had the first tee time of the day (7:00am), so we headed over to the driving range – did I mention it is pitch black outside? – to warm up. I’ll tell you right now, I might have hit a driving range before a round ONE time before a round. We dumped out some balls and started whacking (twss). The best part about this warm up is you have ZERO idea where your shots are going. We assumed they were all huge drives, of course. But we’d say things like, “wow, that sounded nice” or “did I hear glass breaking?” or “hey, I can still see your ball in front of you – you SUCK!”.

We got to the first tee and the starter guy told us it’s a totally blind hole – which didn’t matter because we still couldn’t see anything – and told us how to play it (as if we actually could AIM our shots). We all lost our drives. Then some of us lost our second shot. Actually, some of us accidentally put our second shot on the green – and then four putted – that would be me.

I really could go on and on about how amazing this course is, but I’ve been plenty wordy in my previous San Antonio posts. But this course is by far the nicest and most challenging I’ve ever played. It was simply amazing. The front nine is very challenging with well placed water hazards and rolling mounds on the fairways.

The back nine is set in the basin of the quarry and has some of the most spectacular views I’ve ever hit a golf ball on.

Some of the greens had a bit of sand on them, but it’s Texas, so you’ll get that. Even though it’s September, the grass was plush and almost perfect – just a few burn spots from the drought. The quarry lake was almost empty (apparently, I was the only one to hit into the water this round). And everything was perfectly manicured from rough to fairway to green. I can’t tell you how incredible this course is.

I played a horrible round of golf, but enjoyed every minute of it. Wait, I take that back, I did have to physically restrain myself from snapping Amanda Hugginkiss’ driver over my knee at one point, and also had DeliveryBoy’s 10 iron behind my head in launch position before stopping the forward motion. But aside from that, it was awesome. Coach apparently came out of retirement because his game was incredible. This is the first time he’s beaten me in years, and he dominated the course. Parred all of the par 3’s and was a chipping machine. Having seen Coach quit on various courses (as early as hole 4 on one course) and snap all of his clubs into bits (seriously), it was really awesome seeing him play this well. At one point, he said, “wow, it’s really nice being on the other end of the laughing!” Apparently, playing well doesn’t make him any less of a jerk. Hahaha

The best part about him playing well is he had a huge list of excuses why he was going to play poorly this day (even before we got to the course). The ones I can remember are:
  • Time zone difference is throwing him off (he changed planes in Atlanta, but still lives in Illinois – the same time zone as San Antonio)
  • Early tee time (it was seriously dark)
  • Shirt too tight (DeliveryBoy loaned us fancy golf shirts and didn’t have an extra-medium for Coach)
  • Unfamiliar clubs (this one might have actually been legit)
  • No cookies (Coach does love a breakfast cookie from time to time)
  • Sugar crash (he was super hopped up on sugar the previous night)

What was awesome was, despite a few really bad shots (which I happened to catch on film), he played one of the best rounds of his life. High five, Coach!

Here are some of those hilarious shots from Coach (watch his legs and remember the Figure Four comment I make later):

I, on the other hand, had some issues, mainly with cart paths.

DeliveryBoy just kept coming up short on his chips (I had to show a bad video of him to anger him, since he's improved quite a bit since moving to San Antonio and playing four times a week - jerk):

Coach has this hilarious swing in which he swings so hard, he spins himself around and sometimes winds his legs up like a pretzel. He almost fell at one point, and I made the comment, “Things were great on the golf course until Coach put himself in the figure four leg lock.” Pure comedy, if I do say so. But probably not as funny as Coach taking a corner waaaay too fast and dumping DeliveryBoy out of the cart into the grass. THAT was classic comedy. If I were you, I’d steer clear of Coach with a golf cart – he’s had a number of these “incidents” over the past few years.

On the back nine, in the quarry, there are signs warning you about rattle snakes and how you should give them a wide berth and basically leave your shot if you hit it in to the deep rough. Coach pointed out, “Worst case scenario, one of you ends up sucking on my leg.” I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

One of the greens is surrounded by this huge wall of the quarry. I thought I’d be a funny guy and try to blast a shot off the wall and make us all duck for cover. Unfortunately, I tried to kill it and ended up topping it – both of the guys were cracking up. Then not to be outdone, I tried it again, and swung even harder. I tried too hard because I got underneath the ball and popped it about 200 feet in the air straight up. Didn’t come anywhere near the wall – again, the guys were rolling. I gave up at that point, but it WOULD have been cool if I had actually made contact and knocked one of them out.

When we got to the 18th green, another bag boy came out to our carts, asked us how our round was and then cleaned our clubs for us. Seriously, cleaned our clubs. This is classy stuff, people.

I’ll quit rambling on and one about this course and our stupidity. We had a great time on this course and I would recommend it to ANYONE who appreciates quality and challenging golf. I couldn’t think of where to put the picture of the renegade turtle we saw out on the course, so I’ll just put it here.

Top 5 things about the Quarry Golf Course
1. Back nine was incredible
2. Overcast, so we had great weather
3. First ones on the course means first one done and no waiting for people in front of us
4. They treat you like you OWN the country club
5. The entire course is immaculate (and smoking hot beer cart girl)

Bottom 5 things
1. Getting up at 4 am for golf
2. Driving range in the dark is hilarious and ineffective for me
3. It’s pricey, but I can’t even complain about this, since I would have paid triple and still said it was worth it
4. Coach beat me… sigh…
5. I lost 11 golf balls and shot +40. …And now, I can use all the excuses Coach was unable to use


Coach said...

Hahaha. I completely forgot about the "sucking my leg" comment I made. I am so freaking AWESOME!!!

And I will reiterate how nice this course was. Pleasantly surprised all around with the golfing experience. Plus, I sucked way less than I normally do golfing.

Dammit, now I want to buy a new set of clubs!

Coach said...

Oh, and my arm hurts.